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  • - Next.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Hello, there.

  • - Is today tomorrow New Zealand?

  • - Yes.

  • - Foot same length Europe?

  • - What?

  • - Inch same length Europe.

  • - Gmail.com.

  • - Oh, god.

  • - What is bitcoin?

  • - Butt hole! (laughs)

  • Gross fat butt hole dick poop.

  • - Is that what kids are into these days?

  • (boy giggling)

  • Are your parents home?

  • - Miss Pippi.

  • - You mean Mississippi?

  • Hey, I'm not a dictionary.

  • - My grandson Nathan.

  • - Song that goes

  • Meow, meow, meow, meow

  • Meow, meow, meow, meow

  • Meow, meow, meow, meow

  • Meow, meow, meow, meow

  • Meow, meow, meow, meow

  • - Girls' college.

  • - Oh, um.

  • - Sort of right, college girls.

  • Nude.

  • (Google sighs)

  • - Really?

  • - Patrick Cassels.

  • Pat Cassels.

  • Pat Cassels, funny.

  • - Bitcoin market value.

  • - Weed amount legal NYC.

  • - Patrick Cassels, funny writer, CollegeHumor.

  • - Are you gonna do this all day?

  • - What is prime meridian?

  • - Heg hog cute!

  • - Do you mean hedgehog?

  • - Heg hog cute!

  • - God, do you mean hedge--

  • - Hedgehogs cute!

  • - Adderall, max dose.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man?

  • - Okay.

  • - Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man, 20 years old?

  • Adderall overdose signs!

  • - Download Firefox.

  • - Ever heard of Chrome?

  • - How to buy bitcoin?

  • - Titanic drawing.

  • - "Titanic" movie drawing.

  • - Um.

  • - "Titanic" movie drawing scene.

  • Kate Winslet tits.

  • Round two.

  • - Facebook.com, my grandson Nathan.

  • - No.

  • - Dexter based on real?

  • - Free hamster.

  • - Unbuy bitcoin.

  • - Boston bomber.

  • - It's a real tragedy.

  • - Cute one.

  • - Oh fucking shit!

  • Next!

  • I said next!

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Why am I a length?

  • - Okay.

  • - Cream cheese is cheese?

  • - Wait, do you still wanna know--

  • - Avocado pit huge, why?

  • - Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus.

  • - How to tell if pregnant?

  • - Oh boy.

  • - How to tell if-- - Tell if pregnant?

  • - Jennifer!

  • - Local mosque Seattle.

  • - NSA, don't mind me.

  • - How to pronounce dough ga coin.

  • - According to Google Maps,

  • there's a number-- - Security.

  • - Can you please? - Not blackmail.

  • - Just.

  • - Oh, 'scuse me.

  • - Oh no, no, come on in.

  • Today is Jackson Pollock's birthday, so we're, uh,

  • celebrating his particular style of painting.

  • - Why farts smell?

  • - One of the most important painters

  • of all time and you wanna know

  • why farts smell, so there you go.

  • - Flight to Washington.

  • - Bank transfer all money to Dogecoin how?

  • - Okay, Glass. (Google snickers)

  • Search avoid being bullied for wearing Google Glass.

  • (Google laughing)

  • - Flight to Washington state.

  • - I knew you made that mistake.

  • - F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F.

  • - I think your F key is stuck! F, F, F, F,

  • F, F, F, F, F, F, F.

  • - Why longitude shaped like a orange slice?

  • - [Man In T-Shirt] You're so wrong, dumb ass!

  • - We'll see.

  • Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day?

  • - Groundhog Day.

  • - Oh!

  • Haircut place, bowl cut.

  • - Terror pictures.

  • - Oh, uh.

  • - Oh, sorry, terrier pictures.

  • - Oh. (laughs)

  • Okay.

  • (woman squeals)

  • (woman laughs) Hey man,

  • let me do my job, all right?

  • - Fuck you!

  • - Can sue for screen door injured?

  • - Where to buy pet Russian dolphin?

  • - Why do my farts smell?

  • - Tent.

  • - Doing a little camping, huh?

  • - Tentacle hentai.

  • - Oh, come on!

  • (uplifting music)

  • - Open for business, everyone!

  • Come on in, it's awesome in here.

  • Soon, they'll come soon. (chuckles)

  • - Next!

  • Next, come on!

  • (upbeat music)

  • - What up, Google?

  • - [Google] Oh, god.

  • - Eclectic outlets look surprised, why?

  • - Because--

  • - Millipedes 10 times faster than centipedes?

  • Baby powder made out of babies?

  • - You know that it's not.

  • Well, hello there young man.

  • - Big booty Puerto Rican goddess.

  • (Google inhales)

  • - Taxes have to pay why?

  • - What is YOLO?

  • - Is that your kid's phone?

  • - Is YOLO a drug?

  • - Siri, how big is the Serengeti?

  • - Yeah, I, I should just-- - No problem.

  • Show me pictures of spaghetti.

  • - No, that's not what she asked for.

  • Your search for (speaking gibberish)

  • returned no results.

  • (cat meows)

  • - Vaccines cause autism.

  • - Well, I have one million results

  • that say they don't and one result that says they do.

  • - I knew it.

  • - Just because I have it doesn't mean it's true!

  • - 300 pound beautiful Indian princess.

  • - What's a surf boar?

  • - Do you mean surfboard?

  • - No, surf boar.

  • - Oh.

  • - Do dead people pay taxes?

  • - How do I get to the deep web?

  • - Follow me. (lights crackling)

  • - Google?

  • - You're here.

  • - Google.com.

  • - That is me.

  • - Google.com website.

  • - Heh?

  • - Finally.

  • - How make people think you die?

  • - Sonic the Hedgehog pics.

  • - The old Sega video game?

  • - Safe search off.

  • - Oh, what have you done?

  • - How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures

  • of spaghetti. - How big is the Serengeti?

  • - How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures

  • of spaghetti. - That is not

  • what she asked for! - How big is the Serengeti?

  • - That is not what

  • she asked for! - How big is the Serengeti!

  • - Why do Asian--

  • - Have small noses, wear face mask,

  • have small eyes, have small penises--

  • - Pandas have trouble mating in captivity?

  • Jesus.

  • - It's not me, it's them.

  • - Where to buy lifelike bearded mannequin?

  • - Sorry, I don't see spaghetti

  • in your contacts. (Google yelling gibberish)

  • - Biggest, sexiest woman in all of Iraq.

  • - Difference between human body and a mannequin.

  • - Oh, my god.

  • Clear history.

  • (flame hissing)

  • - All right, Sugar Ray, ironically cool yet?

  • - I'm sorry. (chuckles)

  • - Bummer.

  • Big booty Puerto Rican goddess.

  • - Hi.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Just gotta send an email,

  • then I'll be right with you, okay?

  • Oh, you again.

  • - Is hula hoop a sport?

  • - Uh, I don't think--

  • - Can owls walk?

  • - Can owls walk?

  • - Is Dilbert Jewish?

  • - Recipe using only crackers.

  • - Facebook.

  • - (sighs) Lazy.

  • - Direction to downtown.

  • - Well, it's gonna be 35 minutes unless you use ways.

  • - Get off the highway, now, now, now!

  • - Selena Gomez-- - Gomez feet.

  • - Taylor Swift-- - Swift feet.

  • - Katy Perry-- - Perry feet.

  • - What is wrong with people?

  • - What happens if plant sesame seed?

  • - Oriental rug politically correct?

  • - How to become astronaut?

  • - Bad news.

  • - Mm, how to work for NASA.

  • - Sorry.

  • - Hmm, planetarium jobs?

  • - Nope.

  • - Planetarium volunteers?

  • - Mm-mm.

  • - (sighs) Help wanted laser tag.

  • - Now we're talking.

  • - Dad from "The Nanny" dead?

  • - Now cut across four lanes of traffic!

  • - Mayonnaise as butter substitute.

  • (Google gags)

  • - Facebook.

  • - You know, you could just. (sighs)

  • - Google Wave, what happened?

  • - We killed it.

  • - Google Glass, what happened?

  • - We killed it.

  • - Google car--

  • - Oh, oh, oh, oh no, that, that, that, that,

  • this is gonna be amazing actually.

  • - Okay to drink expired milk?

  • - No! - What happens

  • if drank expired milk?

  • - Oh, my god, why did you ask me in the first place?

  • - Paul Walker car crash.

  • - Really sad.

  • - Pics.

  • - Red light cameras everywhere.

  • - You're freaking him out.

  • - Racist if only like California rolls?

  • - Age of consent, California.

  • - Facebook.

  • - It is right there!

  • You could just!

  • Stupid.

  • (grunts) That is it for the day.

  • Mm.

  • - Google's down! - Down!

  • (sirens blaring)

  • - Dad from "The Nanny."

  • - Dead?

  • - Seriously?

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Oh, god.

  • Hey, let's go!

  • (Google whistles)

  • - Ha, let's do this!

  • - Oh, not again.

  • - Can you keep a duck?

  • What are the newest shapes?

  • - What are you gonna do with this information?

  • - Is Superman circumcised?

  • - Are dentists more afraid of you?

  • - No, in fact this one killed a lion.

  • - Hot hands and feet.

  • - Is this salt or sugar?

  • - Is what salt or sugar?

  • - Sistine Chapel, how old Michelangelo?

  • - 33.

  • - Moon landing, how old Neil Armstrong?

  • - 38.

  • - Became President, how old Barack Obama?

  • - 47.

  • - Still got three years!

  • - Upload these photos of my nephew.

  • - You know, you might consider uploading these

  • to Google+, it's a lot like Facebook meets Google.

  • It's really starting to take off.

  • - Oh, uh, great, mm-hmm, I'll,

  • I'll check it out.

  • - Can kangaroo be milked.

  • - Is it your or you're?

  • - In what context?

  • Not only is it awesome, but it's also free

  • for you and for all your friends.

  • - I just wanna watch Minecraft videos.

  • - Who else is British?

  • - Sensitive tongue?

  • - Climate change is not real.

  • (box thuds)

  • - Climate change is real.

  • - Climate change is not real.

  • - Fine.

  • - Thank you!

  • - Get out of here.

  • - Anna Kendrick boyfriend?

  • - You really think you have a chance?

  • - Sweating behind the ears.

  • - If you're worried, go see a doctor.

  • - Is left shark still funny?

  • - Is the internet working?

  • - I want you to think about this for a second.

  • - Do a barrel roll.

  • - No, don't type that, don't!

  • (man in striped shirt laughs) No, why would you type that?

  • Grab onto something! (yells)

  • (Google gasping)

  • (logo beeps)

  • - Hot hands and feet.

  • - Cancer. (calm music)

  • (logo beeps)

- Next.

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