Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles - Next. (upbeat music) Hello, there. - Is today tomorrow New Zealand? - Yes. - Foot same length Europe? - What? - Inch same length Europe. - Gmail.com. - Oh, god. - What is bitcoin? - Butt hole! (laughs) Gross fat butt hole dick poop. - Is that what kids are into these days? (boy giggling) Are your parents home? - Miss Pippi. - You mean Mississippi? Hey, I'm not a dictionary. - My grandson Nathan. - Song that goes ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ - Girls' college. - Oh, um. - Sort of right, college girls. Nude. (Google sighs) - Really? - Patrick Cassels. Pat Cassels. Pat Cassels, funny. - Bitcoin market value. - Weed amount legal NYC. - Patrick Cassels, funny writer, CollegeHumor. - Are you gonna do this all day? - What is prime meridian? - Heg hog cute! - Do you mean hedgehog? - Heg hog cute! - God, do you mean hedge-- - Hedgehogs cute! - Adderall, max dose. - Yeah. - Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man? - Okay. - Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man, 20 years old? Adderall overdose signs! - Download Firefox. - Ever heard of Chrome? - How to buy bitcoin? - Titanic drawing. - "Titanic" movie drawing. - Um. - "Titanic" movie drawing scene. Kate Winslet tits. Round two. - Facebook.com, my grandson Nathan. - No. - Dexter based on real? - Free hamster. - Unbuy bitcoin. - Boston bomber. - It's a real tragedy. - Cute one. - Oh fucking shit! Next! I said next! (upbeat music) - Why am I a length? - Okay. - Cream cheese is cheese? - Wait, do you still wanna know-- - Avocado pit huge, why? - Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus. - How to tell if pregnant? - Oh boy. - How to tell if-- - Tell if pregnant? - Jennifer! - Local mosque Seattle. - NSA, don't mind me. - How to pronounce dough ga coin. - According to Google Maps, there's a number-- - Security. - Can you please? - Not blackmail. - Just. - Oh, 'scuse me. - Oh no, no, come on in. Today is Jackson Pollock's birthday, so we're, uh, celebrating his particular style of painting. - Why farts smell? - One of the most important painters of all time and you wanna know why farts smell, so there you go. - Flight to Washington. - Bank transfer all money to Dogecoin how? - Okay, Glass. (Google snickers) Search avoid being bullied for wearing Google Glass. (Google laughing) - Flight to Washington state. - I knew you made that mistake. - F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. - I think your F key is stuck! F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. - Why longitude shaped like a orange slice? - [Man In T-Shirt] You're so wrong, dumb ass! - We'll see. Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day? - Groundhog Day. - Oh! Haircut place, bowl cut. - Terror pictures. - Oh, uh. - Oh, sorry, terrier pictures. - Oh. (laughs) Okay. (woman squeals) (woman laughs) Hey man, let me do my job, all right? - Fuck you! - Can sue for screen door injured? - Where to buy pet Russian dolphin? - Why do my farts smell? - Tent. - Doing a little camping, huh? - Tentacle hentai. - Oh, come on! (uplifting music) - Open for business, everyone! Come on in, it's awesome in here. Soon, they'll come soon. (chuckles) - Next! Next, come on! (upbeat music) - What up, Google? - [Google] Oh, god. - Eclectic outlets look surprised, why? - Because-- - Millipedes 10 times faster than centipedes? Baby powder made out of babies? - You know that it's not. Well, hello there young man. - Big booty Puerto Rican goddess. (Google inhales) - Taxes have to pay why? - What is YOLO? - Is that your kid's phone? - Is YOLO a drug? - Siri, how big is the Serengeti? - Yeah, I, I should just-- - No problem. Show me pictures of spaghetti. - No, that's not what she asked for. Your search for (speaking gibberish) returned no results. (cat meows) - Vaccines cause autism. - Well, I have one million results that say they don't and one result that says they do. - I knew it. - Just because I have it doesn't mean it's true! - 300 pound beautiful Indian princess. - What's a surf boar? - Do you mean surfboard? - No, surf boar. - Oh. - Do dead people pay taxes? - How do I get to the deep web? - Follow me. (lights crackling) - Google? - You're here. - Google.com. - That is me. - Google.com website. - Heh? - Finally. - How make people think you die? - Sonic the Hedgehog pics. - The old Sega video game? - Safe search off. - Oh, what have you done? - How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures of spaghetti. - How big is the Serengeti?