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  • It's a tough time to be a young person in the world right now.

  • I think it's a tough time, and here's why.

  • I was writing on a TV show last year.

  • At the end of the show, when it was cancelled, I checked my bank balance on my phone.

  • And on my phone I saw that I had 5,421 dollars.

  • Not to brag.

  • And this is how little I know about being an adult.

  • I saw the bank balance on the screen and I thought to myself - with no irony.

  • I should buy a house.

  • Not a big house, one of those small 5,000 dollar houses.

  • How is any millennial ever gonna own a home?

  • How is any young person ever gonna own a home?

  • It seems impossible, and it's made me hate old people.

  • I see a few of you in here tonight.

  • I hate you.

  • 'Cause every old person in a city like London or L.A. or New York is the same.

  • Well they're like, my house is worth two million pounds, but when I bought it in 1981 I paid 11 raspberries for it.

  • And every young person's like, I have nine roommates!

  • One has a dog with rabies, we'd love to get him out but his name is on the lease!

  • And every old person's like, I'm a librarian with a country home in the Cotswolds.

  • Go fuck yourself!

  • And then there's criticism of young people like, young people live on their phones.

  • It's the only place we can afford to live.

  • I can't enjoy certain television shows.

  • Like I was watching Spongebob Squarepants with a younger cousin - two years younger, we love the classics.

  • And I'm getting angrier and angrier 'cause I'm watching Spongebob and I'm thinking... this sponge owns his own pineapple?

  • This sponge owns a two-story pineapple?

  • Oh, he must be a banker.

  • He's not a banker, he works in a fast food restaurant!

  • And his neighbor works with him in the restaurant lives in an Easter Island head.

  • That's a listed building, there's no way he can afford that.

It's a tough time to be a young person in the world right now.

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