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  • (FINGERS SNAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

  • They're creepy and they're kooky

  • Mysterious and spooky

  • They're altogether ooky

  • The Addams family

  • The house is a museum

  • When people come to see 'em

  • They really are a scream

  • The Addams family

  • MAN: Neat.

  • Sweet.

  • Petite.

  • So get a witch's shawl on

  • ♪ A broomstick you can crawl on

  • We're gonna pay a call on

  • The Addams family

  • (GRUNTING)

  • Lovely day, isn't it?

  • Yes.

  • The chill goes right through you.

  • Look at them.

  • Oh, they have such good times together.

  • Well, here we are.

  • Is this the Addams house?

  • Yep. Are you sure this is the place you wanna go to?

  • Why, yes.

  • Okay. You know, it's not too late.

  • I could still take you back into town

  • and turn you over to those Travelers Aid.

  • No, thank you.

  • Okay, lady.

  • (FOGHORN SOUNDING)

  • I wonder who that could be?

  • It may not be a who. It may be a what.

  • You optimist.

  • A relative.

  • Morticia? It's me.

  • Cousin Melancholia!

  • Oh, darling!

  • Gomez, you remember Melancholia.

  • Who could forget that face?

  • I know I should have called,

  • but everything happened so fast.

  • Everything?

  • It's Fred.

  • My intended.

  • He jilted you.

  • Well, I can't really say.

  • He just took back his ring, sold his farm

  • and joined the Foreign Legion.

  • That is kind of indefinite.

  • I just didn't know what to do.

  • I'm glad you came to us in your hour of trial.

  • And you remember Mama?

  • I always said that you'd grow up to be a beauty.

  • Oh, Mama, you haven't changed a bit.

  • And you haven't lost a bit of your looks.

  • The vain old thing takes hours to get herself together.

  • It certainly shows.

  • Darling, why don't you go upstairs and freshen up

  • and we'll talk it all over later.

  • Follow me.

  • Oh.

  • It's so good to be where you feel at home.

  • I'd better make her a nice hot cup of henbane juice.

  • MORTICIA: Thank you, Mama.

  • Gomez, is there anything we can do to help Melancholia?

  • Well, if we can't help her, who can?

  • We have to find her a man.

  • But where?

  • Darling, you have so many vast business interests,

  • you must know someone.

  • Well, let's see now.

  • There's old Charlie Carlisle the accountant.

  • No, he's dead.

  • He wouldn't be right.

  • Melancholia needs someone dashing, handsome, charming.

  • Like you, darling.

  • Carinito, you're really making it tough.

  • Now, now, now, Cleopatra,

  • you're much too young to take tea.

  • GOMEZ: Yes, indeed. That's right.

  • Mmm-hmm.

  • Well, she'd make a perfect wife.

  • Yes, I see.

  • Uh-huh.

  • Well, then, it's obvious I have the wrong number.

  • Any luck?

  • Seven refusals.

  • Fortunately, three of them were wrong numbers.

  • We just have to keep trying.

  • What about Ed Franzen, the fellow who works at the monument company?

  • Much too flighty.

  • You're right.

  • Even when he's carving those inscriptions he can't stop giggling.

  • Darling, have you tried your salt mine?

  • No, by Jove!

  • They used to have a pretty lively crowd down there.

  • I just know this is gonna work.

  • It's got to, I'm running out of companies.

  • Hello? Sutton? Addams here.

  • Say, we've got a ravishing young cousin here

  • who's just dying for some company.

  • Oh, well, thanks anyway.

  • Keep the salt rolling.

  • Nothing?

  • Nothing.

  • But don't despair, we'll find someone.

  • How about a marriage broker?

  • Capital idea! I know just the one.

  • Hasty Marriage.

  • Mmm-hmm.

  • The same one we got for Cousin Gripe.

  • Hasty Marriage?

  • How are you fixed for grooms?

  • Really?

  • He says they've got a complete selection.

  • How romantic.

  • Tell them to send over a few,

  • and then Melancholia can take her pick.

  • How about sending over a few samples?

  • Oh, you know, one tall, one short, one fat, one thin.

  • Uh, uh, better make that two thins.

  • The name is Addams.

  • (PHONE CLICKS)

  • Hello?

  • Hello?

  • I think we were disconnected.

  • It's just as well. I think we should get one of our own.

  • You're right, we should.

  • Lurch.

  • Oh, dear, not Lurch.

  • He's such a playboy.

  • That's all an act. You'll see.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Lurch, have you ever given thought to

  • the blissful joys of marriage?

  • (GROANING)

  • You see? Underneath that devil-may-care, he's a sentimental softie.

  • Lurch, we have a lovely girl for you.

  • Sweet, soft and soulful.

  • I thought you wanted him for Melancholia.

  • I'm talking about Melancholia.

  • (GROANING)

  • Now, now, Lurch, control yourself.

  • You mustn't appear overanxious.

  • Now, about the wedding date.

  • (GROANING)

  • Obviously he prefers a long engagement.

  • Nonsense.

  • Two people so ideally suited. Why wait?

  • How about eloping tonight?

  • Please.

  • Well, it is a bit hasty. How about tomorrow night?

  • We'll all go together.

  • We'll make it a combination elopement and picnic.

  • (GROANING)

  • Darling, somehow I don't think Lurch takes to the idea of an elopement.

  • All right, forget the elopement, we'll just go on the picnic.

  • It's a lovely idea!

  • But I do believe Melancholia would rather be married.

  • No.

  • By Jove, Morticia, I'm beginning to believe you were right.

  • He is a playboy.

  • Very well, Lurch, you may go.

  • But, remember, there will never be another Melancholia.

  • Never.

  • (SIGHING)

  • They would have made a lovely couple.

  • I just love weddings.

  • They always make me cry.

  • Oh, thank you, Thing.

  • Thing?

  • Have you ever given thought to the blissful joys of marriage?

  • The Things of today.

  • Forget it.

  • I think Melancholia would prefer a professional man.

  • A doctor. Or a lawyer.

  • HARVEY: No, no, no. Not me.