Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles The following video material originates from the movie "Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets" that was lovingly made by J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. But it's been turned by new audio into a twisted, dirty and chaotic world... ...full of unnecessary vulgar language, bad jokes about minorities and without structured plot And now have fun with: "Harry Potter and the secret Porn Basement" Oh God, stop it, it's unbearable! - No! -Shut your beak! - Now just listen to it! - Shut your beak! Hey, if I've got a boner, I have to wank. Yes, but you can you not at least stop this terrible music? - Hey, that's' s a classic! - Turn off that gay music you wanker! You all have no taste in music. I have no idea where to put the cherry, definitely not on this empty space. Hey, what's up? Your uncle wants to talk to you about this thing you're always doing upstairs Did you wank again, or what? That's really disgusting! You're sick, boy. Yeah, you know what's also sick? A guy who's three times fatter than me, Who let's his wife bake a cake, while he rapes his son. Oh, that's not true at all. Turn around, boy! Let me straighten your bow tie. Do you like it when I touch you like this? Hey, I can jerk whenever I want. After all, I'm Harry Potter, I'm famous, respect me! - Daddy only loves me! - Listen, You're only gonna be respected in this house, when you stop satisfying yourself. As long as you have your penis under my table, you do respectable things with it, like ordinary people, like me. Ah, now Fatty has touched the cake with his bogey fingers, but otherwise it's good, you can still eat it. My asshole is so wide, I can stick my head through it. And they say I was sick. Let's see if I can break my record of jizzing three times in a row now. I am the Gilb, I make white clothes gray and dirty. Wow! A stain dwarf! Do you also have problems with stains, which are difficult to clean? You know, I got the white giant, and when I cum with it, then makes the really special stains, if you know what I mean. Oh, that was really not in the job description. You know, I only sell detergent and old, rotten towels, which you can wear as T-Shirts like I do, but they don't sell that well. Are you interested in buying? No, but I'd like a blowjob! What? You probably think I'm buyable for everything? Not that I would reject it, I really need the money. Hey I'm sorry, you happen to be the perfect blowjob size and I'll pull him out if you have to puke, okay? Oh, Dobby has taken part in much worse things for money: Sick sex games with piss and shit, Animal porn, - Worked at "McDonald's" ... - Oh God! And you only want a blowjob? You know, right now I would really fuck anything! Even an ugly gnome like you. Thank you! I will demonstrate my blowjob technique on this wardrobe. - You really don't have to demonstrate it on the wardrobe. - And now in the ear! I believe you that you can do it without any proof. That's just our nephew and he's fucking, uuuh the cat. Did I just say that out loud? Ey now stop it, they'll think I'm fucking the cat or something! What? You fuck a cat? That doesn't mean that I ever did that. Oh, you can't shock Dobby with anything anymore. The family I live with is pretty kinky, you know? I can not say the name, but it begins with "M" and ends with "alfoy". That's too complicated for me. But you should know the boy, he goes to your school. He is smeared all over with lube, heven his hair is dripping with it. Do you know the term "crawl in someone's ass"? He literally does that! And his father is not his father but his mother! Allegedly he impregnated himself, with a Sausage. Oh, you mean Draco Malfoy and his Sugar Daddy. Oh no! You guessed it! And I wanted to - keep it secret! - That was really not... - I have to bash my head in with an Ikea lamp! - that hard of a riddle. Hey! Hey, my lamp! Hey, my beautiful Ikea lamp! And then he said: "Now I know, we are on Pluto!" And I said... Now let go of my lamp! I'm going to put you in the closet, you little fucker! How many times have I told you, that you are forbidden to masturbate in this house ?! I didn't fap. Don't fuck the cat either, that's just as bad. I didn't fuck the cat. - At least not today. - Do you know this one? This is the brother of the middle finger, I'll show you that one next time! And I don't want to know what you're hiding in the closet! No cat. If you saw dildos in the closet, by any chance, they don't belong to me I borrowed them. No, I found them! No! They... They were already here when I moved in. And what if Dobby found nudes of Harry Potter? So what? Everybody knows them already. They hang in the common room. But Dobby has to blackmail Harry Potter with something, to get money. How else am I supposed to pay all those taxes from the GEZ? I have five televisions that are not registered. Did you just pull these bills out of your ass? It's become pretty flexible by now. Cool! Hey, come here! Hey! Hey, stop running, shorty! Hey! Hey, come here! Hey! Hey, I don't want a blowjob anymore! I want to stick something in your ass, too! Pie! - Come here and let me fuck you! - ... And Dudley, has now become a very big boy. Wow! You can do magic! I can't. Yes, ever noticed that you never used magic in your first film, even though you're a wizard? Hey, I'm still learning magic, I'm attending Hogwarts after all. At Hogwarts, you will learn how to get rid of your gag reflex, but you won't learn magic, just like me. Have a look! I want to be able to do that, too! - Get out of the way! - Ow! I have an idea: I'm going to follow the pie like this so that it looks like, I'm the one making it levitate Yeah look! I can do magic, too! - Oh, now the pie fell on her head, - Crap. - But otherwise it's good, you can still eat it. - My beautiful suit! You're never going to see your abnormal friends again! never again! Yes? - Never again! - I think you dialed the wrong number. - Oh sorry. - No problem. Hey! What the hell are you doing? Isn't this Privet Drive no. 4, where Harry Potter lives? No here is Privat Drive no. 4, Privet Drive No. 4 is two blocks ahead! Oh sorry, that we destroyed your house. Oh, no problem! No problem... There! The house down there. That must be it! The one that stands out from the others! The one with the roof and - the window! - I hope it's the right house this time. Yes, what just happened to us happens just... three out of four times, right? - Hi Harry! - Hi Harry! Ron! Torsten! Torben! What are you doing here? Well, we want to destroy Muggle houses. Yours too. Come on out! OK. Warm socks, Vaseline, I'm ready. All right. Start driving, Torsten! I am Torben. What is that? - Whoosh! -So, What's going on here? Now he's gonna get it , the little brat! Get in there! Come on, move! Quick, give me your dove! That's a ... Oh! I'll get you! Stay right there! Stay! Let me go! OK! You can leave! But the shoes stay here! - No! Not my shoes! - Drive, Torben! He broke his neck! But otherwise he's fine. We killed your uncle. - Yes, thank you! - You're welcome! Oh no, we ran over Clifford! Have you ever wondered why a fork - Yes, a fork? - Has so many prongs, - As it has? - Mommy? - Yes? - Where do babies come from? Oh, the boys stick their dick in your vagina. Hello. - What's up with her? - Ginny. Just because she is the only girl, - she has a penis phobia. - Aha. Good morning, you incest children! - Morning, Dad! - Oh, we are so poor, we only have half of a front door. Here, darling: Burned baby birds exactly how you like them. - Are your parents really siblings? - Yes, my mother is also my aunt, and my brother is also my cousin, it's really - complicated. Hello dear sister. I put extra salt on them. Does anyone want some? Who are you? I'm Harry. Oh no. My wife probably slept with one of my sons again - And had a child without telling me about it. - No I have not! That only happened once and Ginny was the result from it. - As if you don't sleep with your sons. - Yes, but if I fuck my sons in the butt, at least they don't bear children from it. No guys, honestly, incest is evil, not all of you can marry Ginny So Harry, tell me. I see you're sitting next to Ron, so I assume you're gay, and you're his boyfriend. Did he like you too, because you smelled like fried fish? So, frankly ... What the hell...? Is this "Stinky" with the mail? Yea I'll go look. Come on, give it to me! Bastard! Is it from the GEZ? Much worse. There are the tuition fees for Hogwarts. What? They charge tuition fees? That's an impudence, my children learn nothing at all in this school. I can't read, Mum. - What does that say? - Give it to me! - Mum, where do we get the money? - Oh, we need to prostitute ourselves. Namely, in the Fuckingalley. - Come up here! I'm totally hot for you. - Have you ever fucked twins? Fuck me! I am Harry Potter! I am famous! - I have a vagina! - I can splash water out of my nose and catch it with my mouth. fuck, lousy € 50 for one round without a condom, I'll do it twice again, maximum. - Marilyn Manson also prostitutes himself. - Hello. He looks like he has no money. - Who else can I fuck to get money? - Hi baby, how about us two? Noo. Nah, I'm just about to call it a day. - Bye. - Hey! Hey, come here! You are awefully cute, give me a kiss at least. Hey Harry! Hagrid! Heard you're doing it for fifty? PEOPLE WITH STD'S, THIS WAY! The Fuckingalley is only for people, who live on the social margin, Harry. Never thought that you would be lingering there. You're famous, you've got the money. - I did it for the Weasleys. - Oh, the Weasleys. Wait a moment. - What did you do there? - Me? Oh, I was just shopping. In the Fuckingalley? Yes. There's a great baker. He makes delicious donuts, you know them, right? Yes, the ones with a hole in the middle, I know. So, textbooks, dildos, I have everything together. Oh my God! Jeez! Hi, Harry! - Hey, Hermione. - Hagrid. Hello, you stupid cow! - Hey, shut up. - Have you already been in the Fuckingalley? Yes, why are you asking? Oh, you look like you've already been banged five times. - Oh. - Here, look, I got me a new dildo. Yes children, I have to go again, yeah?