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  • If you've been keeping up with international news,

  • you probably know that, lately, the world has been crazier

  • than Rudy Giuliani on LSD.

  • To be honest, there are so many protests going on

  • around the world right now that we just don't have the time

  • to cover them all.

  • Luckily for us,

  • not enough time is just the right amount of time

  • for a segment we call Ain't Nobody Got Time for That.

  • -♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)

  • All right, let's kick it off in Hong Kong,

  • where the pro-democracy protestors

  • are also getting into the Halloween spirit.

  • To Hong Kong now, where police fired tear gas

  • to break up protests on the Halloween holiday.

  • Crowds of protestors blocked a major road

  • before police came in.

  • The anti-government demonstrations

  • targeted a popular party district

  • in the city for the first time.

  • Well, at times, the protestors blended in

  • with people wearing Halloween costumes.

  • Protestors and partygoers alike were not deterred

  • by a citywide ban on face masks.

  • Okay, you got to admit, that's a pretty genius move

  • for the protestors to blend in

  • with regular people celebrating Halloween.

  • Yeah, because the police can't tell the difference

  • between protestors and trick-or-treaters. Yeah.

  • Sort of like starting a fight club in the middle of Boston.

  • You don't know. Is this an illegal fight

  • or just the usual Dunkin' Donuts parking lot fight?

  • You don't know.

  • Now, what's interesting is that the protests in Hong Kong

  • originally began because of an extradition bill,

  • but now they've snowballed into a protest

  • about Chinese rule over Hong Kong in general.

  • Because, you see, protests are a lot like arguments

  • in relationships:

  • you say it's about the dishes,

  • but, really, it's about something bigger.

  • You know? Like you "don't communicate well"

  • or you "hooked up with your mother-in-law."

  • You know? Yeah, you said I should get along with her!

  • Now, if we had more time,

  • we could talk more about the difficulty they had

  • reintegrating post-colonial Hong Kong into Mainland China,

  • but we don't have the time,

  • because Hong Kong isn't the only region

  • trying to move out of its parents' house.

  • REPORTER: Barcelona, Spain, saw more than half a million

  • pro-independence protestors last week.

  • They're frustrated over the jailing

  • of nine Catalan politicians for their role

  • in the Catalonia independence movement two years ago.

  • They don't speak for the majority

  • because the independence support--

  • the support for independence is not majoritarian.

  • Yes, Spain is in turmoil right now,

  • because the region of Catalonia is demanding its independence.

  • And the chaos has been nonstop. Although it is Spain,

  • so they take a little siesta in the middle of the fight.

  • That's what they do. "I'll be protesting in my dreams.

  • (snores) "Ah!

  • (snores) Ah!"

  • Now, if this feels like déjà vu for you, you're not wrong.

  • Barcelona experiences these protests every couple of years.

  • In many ways, independence movements

  • are like movies about the Joker.

  • You think they're over, and then, boom, there's a new one

  • about a guy who hates climbing steps.

  • I haven't seen it yet. I think that's what this is about.

  • Now with more time, we could get into

  • how this independence movement is driven

  • by Catalonia's feeling that they pay a lot more in taxes

  • than they get back from the central government,

  • but... no tenemos tiempo.

  • Because over in the Caribbean,

  • the country of Haiti is running out of gas and patience.

  • MAN: A crippling fuel shortage is sparking protests in Haiti.

  • Gas stations have been on empty for days.

  • WOMAN: Thousands have taken to the streets

  • to demand the president stand down.

  • Catholic Church leaders have joined protesters

  • calling for political reform.

  • Thousands took part

  • in the peaceful rally in the capital, Port-au-Prince.

  • (singing in foreign language)

  • Yes, over in Haiti,

  • a severe fuel shortage has sparked one

  • of the nation's largest protests.

  • And although the music and dancing may confuse you,

  • this is a protest.

  • No, because I know there's at least one white couple there

  • on vacation that's like, "Look, honey, it must be carnival!

  • Throw me some beads!"

  • That's what I love about being black. I'm not gonna lie.

  • Even our protests have rhythm.

  • Like, those people are fighting, and it's like...

  • (singing)

  • Yeah, a lot of people don't know this,

  • but Soul Train started as a protest against bike lanes.

  • That's how it all began.

  • And by the way, if I were in Haiti's government,

  • I'd be very afraid

  • that the Catholic Church has now joined this protest,

  • 'cause nobody holds a grudge like the Catholic Church.

  • I mean, it's been, like, 6,000 years,

  • and they're still mad at that snake.

  • They don't play around out there. Yeah.

  • You're like, "He gave someone an apple. Move on, already!"

  • And on a day with more time,

  • we could delve into how these protests in Haiti

  • aren't just about fuel, but also about rampant corruption

  • across the Haitian government, but we just don't have the time,

  • because anti-government protests are even hitting

  • one of the most stable countries in Latin America-- Chile.

  • MAN: In Chile, a four percent rise in subway fares

  • was enough to bring a million people to the streets.

  • Stores and subway stations torched,

  • the government forced to declare a state of emergency.

  • WOMAN: While people were in the streets in Chile,

  • the Chilean president was seen dining

  • at an upscale restaurant.

  • These are the type of things that seem to make people crazy.

  • Yup. While the Chilean people are protesting

  • about not being able to afford basic services,

  • the president was dining at a fancy restaurant.

  • Talk about being tone deaf.

  • You can't be eating fancy food

  • in front of your struggling people.

  • You should be using Uber Eats.

  • You get that shit delivered. Come on.

  • (laughter)

  • Now the frustration in Chile reached a tipping point

  • when the government announced an increase in subway fares,

  • which makes sense, right?

  • These type of moves always affect the working class more,

  • because rich people don't need public transportation.

  • They don't know what it's like to be stuck

  • on a hot, crowded train sitting next to a subway masturbator.

  • They don't know. No.

  • No, rich people-- they take those fancy limousines

  • with air conditioning, and they sit next

  • to a fancy limousine masturbator.

  • "Ooh, la, la!"

  • Now if we had more time,

  • we could talk about how Chile shows

  • that civil unrest is an inevitable biproduct

  • of extreme inequality, but we can't get into that,

  • because we have to make time

  • for one of the biggest protests in the Middle East,

  • where the people of Lebanon took to the streets

  • to demand the removal of their prime minister,

  • because they accused him of enriching himself

  • at the expense of his citizens.

  • Now the demonstrations have gotten so intense

  • that the prime minister has stepped down.

  • But one of the most heartwarming things that happened was

  • when a mother and her child found themselves

  • surrounded by protesters, and the protesters noticed

  • the child in the car was freaked out,

  • and they worked to make things right.

  • Protesters outraged over Lebanon's crumbling economy

  • completely changed their tune when they encountered a mother

  • who said her 15-month-old son

  • was scared.

  • Baby shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

  • Baby shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

  • Baby shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, baby shark

  • Mommy shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo... ♪

  • WOMAN: Right in the middle of a protest,

  • a spontaneous rendition of "Baby Shark."

  • Oh, man!