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  • Amanda: *badly acting* I am SO glad we invited the Chippewas

  • To join us for this Holiday meal.

  • Remember,

  • These savages are our friends.

  • We must not be surprised by any of their strange customs.

  • After all,

  • They have not had our advantages.

  • Such as... fine schools...

  • Libraries full of books!

  • Shampoo!

  • Wednesday: How!

  • I am Pochontas, a Chippewa Maiden.

  • Don: An Indian.

  • Ellen: 'nough said.

  • Joel: And I am Running Bear, betrothed to Pocahontas.

  • ... in the play.

  • Ms. Glicker: Twenty Grand for Summer Camp, he's Mr. Woo Woo.

  • Wednesday: We have brought a special gift for this Holiday Feast.

  • Pugsley: I am a turkey!

  • Kill me!

  • Amanda: *badly acting* What a thoughtful gift!

  • Why, you ARE as civilized as we!

  • Except we wear shoes and have last names.

  • Welcome to our table, our new primitive friends!

  • Wednesday: Thank you, Sarah Miller!

  • You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen!

  • Your hair is the color of the sun, your skin is like fresh milk.

  • And everyone loves you!

  • Amanda: *badly acting* Stop!

  • Sit.

  • Wednesday: Wait.

  • Amanda: *confused* What?

  • Wednesday: We cannot break bread with you.

  • Amanda: Huh?

  • Becky, what's going on?

  • Becky: Wednesday!

  • Wednesday: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours.

  • Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes, on reservations.

  • Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs.

  • We will sell our bracelets by the roadside.

  • You will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres.

  • My people will have pain and degradation.

  • Your people will have stick shifts.

  • The gods of my tribe have spoken!

  • They have said, "Do not trust the pilgrims!

  • Especially Sarah Miller."

  • Amanda: Gary, she's changing the words!

  • Wednesday: And for all these reasons,

  • I have decided to scalp you.

  • And burn your village to the ground.

  • *screaming*

  • Gary and Becky: Children, stop it!

  • Gary: You're destroying my text!

  • *screaming*

  • Mr. Glicker: He's not a team player.

  • Ms. Glicker: He's a special child, but he needs friends.

  • Mr. Glicker: He needs friends like this?

  • *screaming*

  • *thud*

  • *screaming*

  • *Becky and Gary gasp*

  • *screaming*

  • *screaming*

  • Gary: Uh, I beg your pardon?

  • *Amanda screaming*

  • Ellen: Do something!

  • *screaming*

  • *muffled screaming*

  • *muffled screaming*

  • *music shifts to "The Addams Family" theme*

  • *screams*

  • *muffled screaming at Wednesday*

Amanda: *badly acting* I am SO glad we invited the Chippewas

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