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  • ♪♪

  • -Welcome back to the Trump News Network.

  • Nothing but facts and some lies.

  • Everyone's talking about how the Democrats want to impeach me,

  • and I think it's very unfair. I think it's very unfair.

  • I think it's very unfair.

  • Very unfair.

  • So, now everyone wants to know how I feel, but, really,

  • my advisor and favorite Halloween decoration

  • Kellyanne Conway said it -- She said it best.

  • -He's amused. He thinks it's funny.

  • He's amused.

  • -She's right. I'm amused.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -I'm amused. That's how I look when I'm amused.

  • I'm amused because, with me out of the office,

  • you'd be left with the world's most diabolical

  • little saltine cracker, Mike Pence.

  • And I thought that hilarious.

  • But he -- Wait a second.

  • Wait a second.

  • I'm getting word on my very real earpiece

  • that we've just received an exclusive video statement

  • from the whistleblower himself.

  • Let's roll the clip.

  • -Hi, everyone. It's me, the whistleblower.

  • I just wanted to let you all know that I made a huge mistake

  • when I blew my whistle.

  • Donald Trump is totally innocent.

  • He didn't mean to call anyone.

  • If anything, it was about Don.

  • So if I could go back,

  • I'd just erase this whole complaint thing,

  • because once again, I am innocent -- he is innocent.

  • He is innocent.

  • -Wow! There you have it, America.

  • I guess I'm off the hook after all.

  • Next, in old kooky man news, Joe Biden was very mean to me

  • in an interview -- in an interview recently.

  • Very mean to me. He was very mean to me.

  • And he was very nasty. [ Laughter ]

  • He was very nasty and very mean.

  • He was very mean to me and very nasty.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Very mean. Take a look at this.

  • -You should be looking at Trump.

  • Trump's doing this because he knows I'll beat him like a drum.

  • -Wow. [ Laughter ]

  • Those are some tough words coming from a tough man,

  • but let's see how tough he looks

  • when spaghetti is shooting out of his eyes.

  • -You should be looking at Trump.

  • Trump's doing this because he knows I'll beat him like a drum.

  • -Oh, yeah. You got "pasghetti'd."

  • [ Air horn blares ]

  • And, finally, in tech news, the new iOS 13 was just released,

  • and there are a lot of great features.

  • Check out these features on this phone.

  • [ Cellphone rings ] It's kind of unbelievable.

  • Forgot to turn this off. Stop this bit.

  • [ Ringing continues ] How do we get out of this bit?

  • Let's get to the next story, please, please, please.

  • -Because we are coming to you live from New York City.

  • I'm Jimmy Fallon, and this is "The Tonight Show"!

  • Let's go, baby! [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • -Live, from 30 Rockefeller Plaza,

  • here in New York City, it's "The Tonight Show,"

  • starring Jimmy Fallon!

  • And now here's your host, Jimmy Fallon!

  • -♪ Hey, hey hey hey ♪ -♪ Hey, hey hey hey

  • -♪ Hey, hey hey, hey

♪♪

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