Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles -I don't usually dive into heavy news topics, but I do think every now and then we need to check in with what's going on in the world. -Hmm. -That's why we're gonna do a segment we're calling "Sad News." [ Dramatic music plays ] [ "Taps" plays ] [ Laughter ] So cute. So, with the help of my two lovely guests, Jim and Antoni, we're going to read some absolutely real headlines. And please, prepare yourself, because these are really very sad. [ Clears throat ] Queue the music, please. ♪♪ Sad news. In Maryland, a dead goose fell out of the sky and knocked a hunter unconscious. [ Laughter ] -Sad news. A woman in California had a dream that she ate her engagement ring. [ Laughter ] And she woke up to find... she had eaten her engagement ring. [ Laughter ] -[ Clears throat ] Sad news. A bull insemination facility caught on fire, resulting in a massive explosion of semen. [ Laughter ] -Sad news. [ Laughter ] A mouse launched itself into a deep fryer at a Texas fast-food restaurant. That's really sad. [ Laughter ] -Sad news. The mayor of a New England town opened up a 50-year-old time capsule, and it was filled with nothing. [ Laughter ] Said the town mayor, "It was a big disappointment. We were all excited about it." [ Laughter ] -Sad news. The cylinders of pressurized bull semen were very, very full of semen. [ Laughter ] So firefighters at the scene had to dodge projectile semen missiles." [ Laughter ] -Delicious. [ Laughter ] -[ Clears throat ] Sad news. A man cooked a pork chop that looked like Freddie Mercury. [ Laughter ] Then he ate it. [ Laughter ] -That must have been a great pork chop. [ Laughter ] Sad news. An airporn work-- An airport worker -- [ Laughter ] Or an air porn worker. [ Laughter ] An airport worker was fired for giving a traveler a note that said "You're ugly." [ Laughter ] By the way, I'm not that ugly. [ Laughter ] -Sad news. In a Virginia town, 250 escaped pigs were lured back to their pens with a trail of hot dog buns. [ Laughter, audience "Awws" ] -And, finally, sad news. A Florida toilet exploded after the septic tank was struck by lightning. [ Laughter ] -That's very sad. -I know. -Devastating. -This has been "Sad News"! [ Cheers and applause ]
B2 sad news laughter news semen pork chop antoni Sad News with Jim Gaffigan and Antoni Porowski 2 0 林宜悉 posted on 2019/10/27 More Share Save Report Video vocabulary