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  • [rapid knocking on door]

  • [buzzer]

  • - HEY, MAN. HOW YOU DOING?

  • YOU GUYS GOT BOW AND ARROWS?

  • - YEAH.

  • - OH, YEAH. OH, THAT'S IT.

  • YEAH, THERE IT IS. THERE.

  • THAT'LL DO IT. THAT'S GONNA DO IT.

  • YUP. WHERE ARE THE ARROWS AT?

  • [clears throat]

  • YEAH. YOU GOT--YOU GUYS GOT M80s?

  • - WE DON'T CARRY FIREWORKS.

  • - DAMN! YOU HAVE, UH--

  • YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S EXPLOSIVE

  • THAT I COULD TAPE TO THE END OF AN ARROW?

  • - WE HAVE SHOTGUN SHELLS, BUT... - UH-HUH. OOH.

  • - I FEEL I HAVE TO ASK,

  • ARE YOU PLANNING TO ATTACH THOSE TO ARROWS

  • AND USE THEM AS A WEAPON?

  • - WHAT? NO. WHAT?

  • ARE YOU CRAZY? [laughs]

  • YOU THINK THAT WOULD WORK THOUGH?

  • WHAT--WHAT--WHAT IF I SHOT EXPLOSIVE ARROWS

  • THROUGH A WINDOW TO BREAK 'EM OPEN?

  • - SIR, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO ASK YOU

  • WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING TO USE THESE FOR.

  • - OH, NO, I'M NOT PLANNING TO DO ANYTHING.

  • I'M JUST--THIS IS JUST CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.

  • I'M GETTING A-- YOU GOT ZIP LINES?

  • - NOPE.

  • - BUT YOU GOT, LIKE, HOOKS AND ANCHORS AND CABLES?

  • - WE GOT SOME OF THOSE THINGS,

  • BUT I DO NOT RECOMMEND MANUFACTURING YOUR OWN ZIP LINE.

  • - OH, I'M NOT DOING THAT. NO.

  • LET'S SAY SOMEBODY WAS MANUFACTURING

  • THEIR OWN ZIP LINE. - MM-HMM.

  • - YOU THINK IF THEY HAD BUSTED SOME WINDOWS OPEN

  • ON A BUILDING SOMEHOW,

  • THEN FIRED THE ZIP LINE OFF A BOW AND ARROW,

  • AND IT ATTACHED TO THE WALL OF SAID BUILDING,

  • THAT THEY COULD JUST RIDE THE ZIP LINE INTO THE BUILDING?

  • - I HAVE NO IDEA.

  • SIR, WHATEVER YOU ARE PLANNING ON DOING,

  • PLEASE DON'T DO IT.

  • - I'M NOT--I'M NOT-- I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.

  • I'M JUST DOING SOME CHRISTMAS SHOPPING,

  • TRYING TO GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.

  • YOU KNOW, BOW AND ARROWS FOR MY NEPHEW.

  • THE ZIP LINE'S FOR MY... GRANDMOTHER.

  • ET CETERA AND WHATNOT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING THERE?

  • IT'S NOTHING. NO BIG DEAL.

  • SPEAKING OF OTHER THINGS, DO YOU GUYS HAVE

  • JUST THE, UH, TOP HALF OF A KNIGHT IN ARMOR?

  • - FIRST OF ALL, IT'S CALLED A SUIT OF ARMOR.

  • - OH, YUP, THAT'S IT. THAT'S RIGHT.

  • THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO SAY. - WE HAVE ONE BUT IT'S SOLD...

  • - OH! - AS A COMPLETE SET.

  • - YUP. YUP. - YUP.

  • - YEAH, BUT THE PERSON IT'S FOR,

  • THEY ONLY NEED THE-- THEY DON'T NEED THE--

  • THEY JUST NEED THE TOP HALF.

  • THEY DON'T NEED THE LEGS. - MM-HMM.

  • - WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY WAS SHOOTING AT YOU AND--

  • WHAT ARE THE CHANCES YOU THINK THEY'D TRY TO SHOOT YOUR LEGS?

  • - I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO TELL YOU

  • THAT A SUIT OF ARMOR WILL NOT DEFLECT BULLETS.

  • - I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES-- WITH CHRISTMAS.

  • WHICH BRINGS ME, UH, TO MY NEXT QUESTION.

  • DO YOU GUYS HAVE ROLLER SKATES?

  • - I THINK WE HAVE A PAIR AROUND. - UH-HUH.

  • LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

  • HOW FAST DO YOU THINK YOU'D HAVE TO BE GOING ON ROLLER SKATES

  • TO GET PAST A COUPLE OF ARMED GUARDS

  • AND STILL BE GOING FAST ENOUGH TO SMASH THROUGH A SAFE DOOR?

  • - ONE OF THOSE BIG BANK SAFES? - NO!

  • I DON--I DON'T KNOW. YEAH.

  • YEAH? UH...

  • HEY, YOU GUYS GOT ONE OF THOSE, YOU KNOW, JUST ONE

  • OF THOSE BIG BAGS WITH A DOLLAR SIGN ON THE SIDE OF IT?

  • - OKAY. - [snorts]

  • [coughs] YEAH?

  • - YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT ARROWS WITH SHOTGUN SHELLS ATTACHED TO 'EM

  • TO A BANK WINDOW TO BLOW OUT THE GLASS.

  • THEN YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT A ZIP LINE THROUGH THAT WINDOW

  • AND YOU'RE GONNA SLIDE ON INTO THE HALLWAY.

  • YOU'RE GONNA BE WEARING ROLLER SKATES

  • SO YOU CAN JUST SKATE ON PAST THE ARMED GUARDS,

  • WHO WILL BE SHOOTING AT YOU, AND YOU'RE GONNA HOPE

  • THAT THEY BOTH WON'T HIT YOUR LEGS,

  • AND, IF THEY ARE AIMING AT YOUR TORSO,

  • THE SUIT OF MEDIEVAL ARMOR WILL DEFLECT THE BULLETS.

  • THEN YOU'RE GONNA HOPE TO GATHER ENOUGH SPEED

  • TO BURST THROUGH THE BIG BANK VAULT

  • AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY

  • WHERE YOU'RE GONNA COLLECT THE MONEY

  • IN A CARTOON MONEY BAG.

  • - WELL, NO.

  • I'M JUST AN UNCLE WHO'S BUYING SOME [bleep] FOR CHRISTMAS

  • AND I, UH, THINK I'LL TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.

  • MERRY CHRISTMAS.

  • - IT'S APRIL.

[rapid knocking on door]

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