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-Check out this first photo. The original headline was
"Simone Biles makes gymnastics history."
Headline can definitely be improved
because if you only looked at the photo,
the headline could have been,
"woman who clearly forgot your name
says 'hey you' a little too excitedly."
[ Laughter ] Hi! Hi!
You look great.
Check out this next photo. Here the original headline was
"McConnell criticizes China over Hong Kong protests."
If you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been
"man who just flushed toilet
watches as water level continues to rise."
[ Laughter and applause ]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! -No!
-Not today, Satan!
[ Laughter ]
-Blame Satan? -What? Yeah.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, not today, Satan!
The next headline was,
"Democrats criticize Trump on trade."
Headline could have been, "grandma and grandpa
have only one house rule, and you broke it!"
[ Applause ]
Take the shoes off!
Not today, Satan!
-The toilet's overflowing.
-The next headline was, "Stock market dips."
Headline could have been, "counsel of dads assemble
to see what this whole Fortnite thing is all about."
[ Laughter ]
"Wait, so how do I -- how do I make him dance?"
This next headline says, "Pompeo discusses sanctions on Iran."
Headline could have been, "guy not too happy
to see ex-wife with her new boy toy at Applebee's."
-Wow. [ Laughter ]
-"Really, Diane?"
Next headline was, "Trump defends immigration strategy."
Headline could have been
"dad gives world's most awkward version of the talk."
It's like, "Dad, stop."
[ Applause ]
Finally, this headline was,
"cities facing recycling crisis."
Headline could have been, "woman finally empties out
all the old receipts inside her purse."
That's all the time we have for "News and Improved."
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News & Improved: Woman Who Clearly Forgot Your Name Says, "Hey, You" a Little Too Excitedly

35 Folder Collection
林宜悉 published on September 17, 2019
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