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  • Let's kick it off with a story everyone is talking about.

  • Game of Thrones.

  • Last night was the big series finale,

  • and I'm not gonna spoil anything--

  • (clears throat) Iron Man dies-- but let's just say,

  • some people are taking the ending hard.

  • TV REPORTER: It has been eight long,

  • and at times, very frustrating, seasons

  • for Game of Thrones fans, and now that the end has come,

  • you might need someone to talk to.

  • Yeah, Bark.com is offering therapy sessions for viewers

  • whether you need someone to complain to

  • about these plot holes some people have been talking about,

  • have trouble with the ending, or just need help

  • in the absence of your favorite show,

  • the site promises to find a professional for you.

  • Yes, that's right, a website is offering therapy,

  • therapy sessions for people upset

  • about the ending of Game of Thrones.

  • And let me just say, people, uh, if you need therapy

  • because a TV show ended, your life is too good, okay?

  • I'm just gonna tell you straight,

  • you don't need a therapist, you need some credit card debt,

  • and an STD, okay.

  • Take your mind right off that series finale.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • And I hope...

  • I also hope those therapy sessions are private, right,

  • because you're gonna look like a dick if you're in

  • a group therapy session and the person before you will be like,

  • "I got addicted to drugs after my wife left."

  • And you go like, "Okay, put a pin in that.

  • "I didn't like Jon Snow's story arc, okay?

  • I didn't like it."

  • In other news, it's the season finale of college,

  • and one graduation ceremony had a surprise ending

  • that most people actually enjoyed.

  • Billionaire Robert Smith surprised graduating seniors

  • at Morehouse college by telling them his family would wipe out

  • all their student debt.

  • That's an estimated $40 million for nearly 400 students.

  • And my family is making a grant

  • to eliminate their student loans.

  • (crowd cheering)

  • Wow!

  • He's gonna pay off 400 kids' student debt.

  • $40 million. That is really amazing.

  • Although, I will say, I do feel bad for that one kid

  • who worked his way through school

  • so that he wouldn't have loans.

  • Yeah, because you know he was at that ceremony like,

  • "You guys wasted all your time partying,

  • "but some of us scrubbed toilets for years to be debt-free.

  • And now, I'm gonna be-- Wait. What?"

  • (laughter)

  • Seriously, it sucks for that guy.

  • It's like going to a group dinner,

  • all your friends are ordering caviar,

  • you think you're paying for yourself, so you're like,

  • "I'm just gonna have the breadsticks," and at the end,

  • someone's like, "The dinner was on me."

  • And you're like... (cracking sound)

  • (laughter)

  • And also, and also, can we admit

  • that although this was fantastic,

  • this billionaire has ruined commencement speeches forever?

  • Yeah, because good luck being next year's speaker.

  • It'll be like, "And, finally, I want to say,

  • always follow your dreams."

  • "And...?"

  • "And believe in yourself."

  • "And...?"

  • "Well, that's it."

  • "Boo."

  • (laughter)

  • This also probably pisses off other billionaires,

  • when, you think about it, because now the expectation

  • is that they will pay tuition at any college they go to.

  • You're gonna look bad if you don't.

  • Yeah, I bet other billionaires

  • are gonna end up speaking at cheaper colleges, you know.

  • Bill Gates will be like, "It's such an honor to be addressing

  • "the Hackensack Online Beauty Academy.

  • "Here's your 150, here's your 150 bucks.

  • Here's your 150 bucks."

  • All right, moving on to some tech news.

  • Now that Uber is a public company,

  • it's under more pressure to make profits,

  • which is probably why it just launched a brand-new feature.

  • If your Uber driver is a bit too chatty for your liking,

  • you can now use a mute feature in Uber Black service.

  • Now, the features in the app are called "quiet preferred,"

  • but if you're feeling social,

  • you can also select "happy to chat."

  • Yes, from now on if you get into an Uber,

  • you can select "happy to chat" or "quiet mode" on the app.

  • Although, I'll be honest, knowing Uber drivers,

  • I don't think it's actually gonna make a difference, right?

  • You're gonna get in the car

  • and then the driver's gonna be like,

  • "So I see you chose 'quiet mode,' yeah?

  • "That's a good option, yeah.

  • "So many drivers, they talk, talk, talk, talk.

  • "Never leave you alone.

  • "Yeah, I wish everything in life had quiet mode,

  • "like my children and my wife.

  • "Oh, yeah. No. I mean, yeah.

  • So is this your first time using 'quiet mode,' yeah?"

  • (laughter)

  • But don't forget, don't forget, you only get "quiet mode"

  • if you take Uber Black, which is the luxury service.

  • Yeah, luckily, though, Uber has also unveiled

  • some new features for UberX, like there,

  • they've got a new mode called "Don't stab me."

  • Yeah, so that's a... that's a nice feature.

  • And finally, some news coming out of my home country,

  • South Africa.

  • We move on now to a bizarre encounter

  • with a fan for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  • The action star and former governor

  • has decided not to press charges against the man

  • who drop-kicked him in the back at an event in South Africa.

  • NEWSWOMAN: This weekend,

  • 71-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger proving

  • it's still a bad idea to mess with the Governator.

  • One man at the Arnold Classic Africa Sports Festival

  • in South Africa learned that the hard way

  • after landing a flying kick into Schwarzenegger's back.

  • In this video, you see despite the attacker

  • taking a running start,

  • Arnold barely moved, unfazed.

  • (laughter)

  • What the (bleep)?

  • (laughter)

  • I know this was funny for some people,

  • but I'm not gonna lie. As a South African,

  • I was super pissed off.

  • First of all, thanks to that guy,

  • now we're the country

  • that drop-kicked the Terminator, okay?

  • And what's even worse is that Arnold barely even moved,

  • so now we look like we can't even kick right.

  • Makes the whole country look bad.

  • You know that people were texting me

  • after this shit happened?

  • People were like, "Hey, Trevor, did you see this kick?

  • Is that a normal thing in South Africa?"

  • Yeah. Yeah, yeah, guys. No, it's tradition.

  • That's what we do in South Africa.

  • We just drop-kick all the celebrities that show up.

  • Yeah. Yeah, you remember when Bill Clinton

  • came to South Africa, Nelson Mandela met him

  • with a dropkick. He was like, "Welcome to South Africa.

  • Welcome."

Let's kick it off with a story everyone is talking about.

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