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  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • EDDIE HUANG: That's fresh.

  • They've got some shallots in there.

  • EDDIE HUANG: Oh, he's crazy.

  • Oh, this is the food?

  • -[SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • -Sorry.

  • EDDIE HUANG: Yo, Otto just gets really upset anytime you

  • touch anything on the school bus.

  • So we're not going to touch anything else on Otto's school

  • bus over here.

  • Finesse, finesse.

  • OTTO: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • EDDIE HUANG: Oh, he's finessing.

  • [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • EDDIE HUANG: So you see this short, fat Chinaman?

  • Clearly, I don't like to eat breakfast and get my

  • metabolism going in the morning.

  • But my man's here, Huckleberry Finn up in this bitch, was

  • like you've got to have breakfast in Taiwan, right?

  • It's not all some IHOP shit, not some Waffle House shit.

  • We about to go to the best soy milk joint.

  • Fresh, hot soy milk for that ass, right now.

  • No photos, no photos, the God is here.

  • The name of this place is World's Greatest Soy Milk.

  • But, it's so good, and this neighborhood is Yung Ho, that

  • it is now known as Yung Ho Doujiang.

  • It's the most official, the best, it's like Cali Kush--

  • Yung Ho Doujiang.

  • These are staple items at a Taiwanese breakfast.

  • So we got the whole spread so you guys can see

  • what's really good.

  • This is what we came for--

  • hot, sweet soy milk.

  • You got to see my eyes eating, this is mean.

  • This soy milk is fucking mean.

  • They're the only people that roast their soy beans before

  • making the soy milk.

  • They roast their soybeans like coffee.

  • This is amazing.

  • This is a beef in a sobe, which is like a pancake.

  • Well, I'm going to open this up for you so you can see.

  • Look at those pickled mustard greens with a

  • little chili in there.

  • And then this is beef shank lu goda.

  • And when we say "lu" it means braised, and specifically

  • braised with five-spice.

  • This is the egg pancake.

  • It is a fried dough bottom, so it's like a Sicilian pizza.

  • Then topped with a egg-- like, this is just straight murder

  • on a plate.

  • It is so good, this is retarded.

  • I wake up, eat this, drink this, I run 20 miles in soft

  • sand and have a career longer than cannabis.

  • This is mi jung, and this is peanut and sticky rice

  • breakfast soup.

  • This is shaobing youtiao.

  • You have the fried cruller on the inside, it's

  • the Taiwanese churro.

  • I'm going to dip this in here.

  • This really compliments the flavor of

  • this shaobing youtiao.

  • It's a churro on the inside, a pancake on the outside, and it

  • tastes like peanut butter and jelly.

  • Like, un-motherfucking defeated.

  • Uh, so good!

  • It's so good.

  • Peanut butter jelly time.

  • Oh, pretty Indian!

  • Pretty Indian!

  • DAVID: This is hella good, man.

  • -[SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • EDDIE HUANG: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • Yo, why am I speaking Chinese to you?

  • I always speak Chinese to this dude.

  • Number one soy milk champion.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • EDDIE HUANG: We are at sunny Normal University and I'm your

  • abnormal guy.

  • I'm very, very curious to find out who goes to Normal

  • University.

  • I have no idea what cosplay is, but looking at the

  • turnout, either fucking Justin Bieber is here or Jeremy Lin's

  • about to jump off the roof.

  • I hope one of those things happens.

  • What up, Biebs?

  • I fucking love you!

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • EDDIE HUANG: This kind of looks like the AVN Awards,

  • except everyone looks like Asa Akira.

  • Yo, peep game.

  • EDDIE HUANG: Oh!

  • Don't shoot up the skirt?

  • -Yeah.

  • EDDIE HUANG: Oh!

  • Yo, let's get some upskirt here.

  • Do some upskirt here.

  • Oh, more upskirt.

  • Go upskirt.

  • I don't know if I want to be Taiwanese anymore.

  • So a lot of your favorite

  • fashionistas didn't get invited.

  • Anna Wintour, we're sorry, boo.

  • Invitations get lost in the mail.

  • Today is a single man cosplay fashion show for your boy.

  • We gonna see what the game's been missing.

  • This one is rocking the fall 2012 chainsaw--

  • we like that a lot.

  • Oh, oh, oh, the movement!

  • Killing the game!

  • Next we have a musical number that just might be the

  • must-have item of winter 2012--

  • the steel lotus groin.

  • Oh, Taiwan girl-next-door, maybe?

  • I think Forell might like this shorty--

  • it's kind of his thing.

  • Oh, model minority--

  • very studious.

  • Two is better than one.

  • One's got the Laotian sword, execution-style.

  • This one got a little gut-- you know the kid likes that.

  • Two girls, one gun.

  • All right, hang on, hang on.

  • Oh, she is finessing that chainsaw, B!

  • Oh, these shorties are mad jealous.

  • They're like peeping the chainsaw game here.

  • And they're literally just like, look at this bitch, she

  • thinks she's really some shit with that chainsaw.

  • Let's show you how it's really done.

  • Two for one, ah.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • EDDIE HUANG: So your boy just received the ill King Jaffe

  • Joffer treatment--

  • one man cosplay fashion show.

  • And what could be better?

  • We're going to go eat out of some toilets.

  • Lot of people have shot at this

  • restaurant, Modern Toilet.

  • I really wanted to see it for myself.

  • We're going to sit on this shorty's face.

  • She seems real nice.

  • Hey, [INAUDIBLE], look at this dude's ill collar pop.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • My neckroll ma.

  • -Neckroll?

  • EDDIE HUANG: No.

  • Oh.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • All the ladies back home, if you're lucky enough, I could

  • bring you here.

  • Did you ever think that this could happen to you?

  • Oh, most official.

  • This is like a day in the life of a toilet in your mizow.

  • That's disgusting.

  • From what I can gather as an outsider in this country, I

  • think this is like Red Lobster in Taiwan.

  • Because this is where you take people for

  • Valentine's Day or prom.

  • Um, send the chef my compliments.

  • Oh, that's not cool.

  • Should we send this back, dude?

  • I thought German sausage, it's like a giant footlong sausage.

  • This is kind of like shorty took the pants down and dude

  • came with sliced sausage meat.

  • It's like, oh yeah, you're gonna fuck me up tonight.

  • Mm, let me see that shit.

  • Asian homies out there, don't let your shrubbery look bigger

  • than your weaponry, all right?

  • Even if this is what you're trying to fucking lay

  • the game down with.

  • You can make it look better without your fucking giant

  • whack-a-mole bush.

  • Remove it and it's like oh, I'm still really not going to

  • have very much fun but he's a nice guy.

  • See that Asian sausage--

  • it's not big, but it's pretty flavorful.

  • This is now my favorite Taiwanese restaurant.

  • You know why?

  • It is a satire and a parody of all cuisines not

  • Taiwanese or Chinese.

  • What are they putting in the toilets?

  • Japanese, Indian curry, Italian food, German food.

  • And they're like, yo, your food is such hot trash,

  • non-Taiwanese, Chinese countries.

  • We're going to help you out.

  • We're going to put it in its proper home so it's

  • appreciated the way it should be-- in a fucking toilet.

  • Modern Toilet, to the gods.

  • Out of here, number one.

  • Mad subliminal.

  • Extra subliminal.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • EDDIE HUANG: This was like the Jekyll and Hyde day, because

  • breakfast was the most official Taiwanese breakfast

  • I've ever had.

  • Like, everything there was on smash.

  • And I even liked when the chef punched our cameraman in the

  • face because he was protecting his recipe.

  • He didn't want people to see.

  • Cosplay--

  • yeah, cosplay was a lot of fun.

  • It's like going to Comic-Con.

  • You look at it and you think people are cornballs.

  • Sometimes you got to be like not so fucking cool and just

  • have a good time, and I had a great time.

  • And that toilet restaurant, same thing.

  • It's not always about what's in the

  • toilet, it's the toilet.

  • The whole experience of eating out of toilets is some wild,

  • funny shit, you know?

  • This episode I think really shows people don't judge a

  • toilet by its cover.

  • "Fresh Off the Boat," Taiwan.

  • Eddie Huang, we out.

  • On the next episode of "Fresh Off the Boat."

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

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