I read the comics.

I had the lunchbox.

I slept on a Spider-Man pillow until I was married, I think.

[laughter]

And now a dream I had on that pillow is about to come true.

Because on July 2, I will be part of the new Spider-Man movie.

Thank you.

[applause]

Now, usually Marvel is very secretive about the footage, releasing scenes from these movies.

But in this case, for some reason, they were OK with me showing this exclusive extended excelsior scene from Spider-Man: Far From Home.

[music playing]

[ding]

Hey, Joe.

Picking up.

Hey, Peter Parker, my number one customer.

[applause]

Fourth time this week.

Yeah, well, you know me.

I just love dry cleaning.

That's what I love about you.

A lot of these Millennials, they don't care about dry cleaning.

They've got washing machines.

- It's disgusting, quite frankly. It really is. - It's sad, it's really sad.

Anyway, let me get your stuff here.

Oh.

That's you, right?

[laughter]

- That's me, yes. - All right.

Thank you so much. Oh my god.

Hey, kid, listen.

It's, uh, not my business to get into your personal balls or whatever.

But can I ask you a question?

Mmm, yeah, sure.

Why you get your pajamas cleaned every two days?

[laughter]

Because I, uh--I sweat a lot when I sleep.

I have a sweaty syndrome.

- Sweaty sleep syndrome. - You're a sweaty Betty.

[laughter] That's right.

That's correct.

My brother was like that, you know.

- He was? Shame. - Oh, yeah.

He used to-- it was like a puddle.

[laughter] We slept on bunk beds.

He'd be on top dripping on me all night.

- Oh, man. - It's disgusting.

It's not good.

What about the holes?

The hole-- the holes?

Yeah, the holes.

It almost looked like if, uh, some kind of a mechanical octopus arm had taken a chunk out of the fabric.

[laughter]

That's easy to explain.

Um, it's the, uh, um--

- Moths? - Moths.

- Massive moths, right. - That's what I thought it was.

Anyway, I don't see my mask in here.

Do you have my mask?

Oh, Connie, where's his mask?

Under the counter, stupid.

[laughter]

Underneath-- oh, all right. All right.

- Hey, Connie. - Oh, here we go.

That's you, right?

No, that's Matt's mask.

Mine's the one with the white eyes.

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

All right, here you go.

That's Wade's mask.

White eyes with--

Connie, it's Wade's mask.

OK, I don't care.

Red one. Little red.

White eyes. That's you, right?

Yeah, that's the one. Thank you.

- Thank you. - Beautiful.

All right.

Breaking news.

New York's very own Spider-Man swung into action this afternoon on the Brooklyn Bridge, saving a bus full of senior citizens from certain death.

Thanks to the masked hero's efforts, all 35 people on the bus returned home safely.

[ominous music playing]

That nutball on TV, he's got the same goofy PJs you got.

He does.

Hey, I know what's going on here.

You are an influencer.

[laughter]

What are you on, Instagram or Snapface?

Snapface.

Yeah.

Connie, he's on Snapface.

Oh, I like Snapface.

[laughter]

Hey, give the place a little plug maybe?

- For sure. - That'd be great.

Absolutely.

You truly are the best, and most gullible, dry cleaner in all of New York.

That's what they say.

- That's what they say. - All right.

- I'll see you tomorrow, kid. - I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, hey, tell your buddy Banner to get some bigger pants.

He's busting through them like crazy.

[laughter]

He's pretty angry, but I'll try and tell him.

I'm not a miracle worker.

Yes, you are, Joe.

See you later.

Thanks, kid.

Hey, Connie, let's go in the back and make love.

OK, Joe.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[applause]

Thanks, everybody.

I'm pretty happy with myself too.

Thanks.

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