Oh, for the love of everything.

What's happening?

My roommate locked her GD self out of our freaking apartment again, so I have to go back and let her in.

Oh, that's so annoying.

Sarah does that every week.

Also, she never remembers to get toilet paper, ever.

You guys are making me happy I do not have roommates right now.

Yeah, but I mean, isn't it scary living alone?

I would get scared.

Yeah, I don't mind being by myself, but like, not having another human around gets kinda creepy.

Yeah.

Eh, it's not that bad.

I like the lonesomeness. It's nice.

Really?

What's there to like about such an alienated way of living?

Well, you guys might not like the idea of your space being occupied by you and only you, but I love that my space is all mine, every corner and every inch of the apartment.

When I come in there's no one to be nice to if my day was bad, and I'm the only person I have to deal with.

There's only me.

On a less grand scale, I do enjoy that my supplies last longer than any of you who have to share with your roommates.

I've had the same tube of toothpaste for three months!

I can use my bathroom with the door wide open.

Gross.

Perhaps, gross is that I sometimes leave the dishes in the sink for months on end, and there's no one to get mad at except for me.

It's freeing.

And I can talk to myself any–

I'll call Kate; Kate would know.

time - S A T E, conversate.

I want... -conversate is not a word.

It is a word now.

No it is not.

I can have company whenever I want and kick them out whenever I'd like, and I can hook up whenever I want, or I could not, and I'm the only person who witnesses the sadness in both.

Some days I just lay around all day, 'cause there's no one there to catch me.

My Netflix queue is all mine.

You know what I really like?

Sometimes I put on show tunes, and I can blast them as loud as I want.

And I can just sing and dance all around the apartment from one end to the other, and it's just bliss.

Sounds amazing but what about...

Oh, and I can fart!

What!

Yeah, I can just fart whenever I want and be naked all the time.

It's great.

That sounds cool.

But what about when you forget your keys?

Oh.

Well then I'm delightfully screwed.

Ha, she got you there.

I got you there.

I got you there.

She got it.

You might choke on a sandwich by yourself.

Has that ever happened to you?

You're not wearing pants and you choke on a...

Why did you have to include not wearing pants?

'Cause I wasn't wearing pants.

That has nothing to do with choking.