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-Good news, you guys, tomorrow is the first day of spring!
That's right. Finally. I love spring.
It's that special time of year when you go from
flu season directly into allergy season.
It's like...
[ Sneezes ] I love you, Earth!
I don't even know how to sneeze anymore.
You can't even sneeze like that. -No, you can't.
-You got to sneeze like this. How do you sneeze?
-I usually sneeze like this. [ Sneezes ]
-Yeah. Just right on people. -Yeah. You know what?
-I just, like, do that, but if I'm wearing
a short-sleeved shirt, you just get spit everywhere.
I got a decent sneeze, too. -You do. You have a good sneeze.
-It's like, \"Achoo,\" you know?
My grandfather had the loudest sneeze.
He was like... [ Sneezes ]
It was like a language from \"Game of Thrones\" or something.
I think that's better than the people
that hold the sneeze in, though.
-Yeah. -You're like...
That's got to go somewhere, right?
-Yeah. You know where that goes.
-That's got to build up or something.
Like 2:00 in the morning you're like, \"Baaaah!\"
Whoa! -I got a hemorrhoid.
-That is right, though.
Spring officially starts tomorrow.
And this was nice.
Today, three more Democrats came out of hibernation
and announced they're running for president.
That's great.
It makes it 63 people running for president.
There's so many Democrats running.
One of the newest candidates, Beto O'Rourke,
is already raising tons of money,
and he's got a lot of buzz.
But voters want to know what issues he stands for.
At this point, people don't know what Beto stands for,
but they know what he stands on.
He stands on counters. He stands on tables.
He stands on TV stands.
Why is he standing on -- The man is 6'4\".
You don't need to stand on anything.
You're basically always standing on something.
How much taller does he have to be?
Well, there's another candidate who's starting
to get some attention named Andrew Yang.
Apparently, he wants to give every American
$1,000 dollars a month by taxing companies like Google.
And if you want to read more about Andrew Yang,
you should search for him on Yahoo!,
because his name was just completely erased from Google.
He doesn't exist on Google.
Well, some candidates do have some interesting ideas.
Last night, Elizabeth Warren said
she wants to get rid of the electoral college.
When the president heard that, he was like,
\"We can't get rid of the electoral college.
I picked them to go all the way in March Madness.
They're gonna beat Duke!\"
But a lot of people want to get rid of the electoral college,
which is too bad, because it's the only college
left that parents can't bribe their way into.
-Oh, snap! Dang! ♪♪
-But all the cable networks are busy covering the election.
I want to say congrats to C-SPAN
for turning 40-years-old today.
That's exciting.
That means C-SPAN is only 40 more years away from being
the average age of someone who watches C-SPAN.
Isn't that just amazing?
It just came out that the president
wants to slash funding for PBS.
Yeah, and PBS characters aren't happy.
Today, the Count was like, \"I have one,
one finger I'd like to show President Trump.\"
[ Laughs ]
But Trump's been busy.
Today, he met with the Brazilian president.
But when they first saw the word \"Brazilian\"
listed on Trump's schedule, people thought,
\"Uh-oh, it's date night.\"
All right, you guys hear about this?
-\"Save some of that.\"
-You guys hear about this?
Florida prosecutors are now offering
to drop prostitution charges against
New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft
for visiting that massage parlor.
But, unfortunately, when he got the news,
Kraft celebrated by going back to the massage parlor.
\"I'll have the usual. Thank you.\"
Yeah, it looks like the charges against Kraft
are getting dropped, so good for him.
He got off twice in one day.
-Oh! -Oh!
-Oh, you know you like it. -Come on!
-Back to the president.
In a recent meeting, Trump said that he doesn't like
self-driving cars and even acted out driving one and crashing it.
You know, Trump does that a lot.
He uses his hands to act out whatever he's talking about.
We thought it would be fun to turn that into a game.
It's time for \"Presidential Charades.\"
Here we go. ♪♪
-♪ Charades ♪
♪ Presidential ♪
♪ \"Presidential Charades\" ♪
-All right, here's how this works.
I'm going to show you a clip of President Trump
acting something out, and you have to guess what
he's really talking about, okay?
If you get it right, you win a pair of hand clappers,
because Trump loves talking with his hands.
If you're wrong, those hand clappers
are going to be glued shut.
Okay, raise your hand
if you want to play \"Presidential Charades.\"
You want to play right here? Sure, come on up here.
Sorry, buddy. Well, maybe it would help.
Thank you.
Yeah. Hey, how are you? What's your name?
-Sarah. -Sarah, where are you from?
-Connecticut. -Connecticut. Very good.
All right, now the first question here.
What is President Trump acting out right here?
Take a look at this. ♪♪
Now, is he talking about, \"A,\"
the helmets he wants his space force to wear,
\"B,\" Senator Marco Rubio's big, floppy ears,
or \"C,\" the size of his own \"beautiful brain.\"
-C. -The size of his brain.
Let's find out.
-Thank God he has really large ears,
the biggest ears I've ever seen,
because they were protecting him.
It was going...
-He's making fun of Marco Rubio's ears.
That was incorrect.
Here are your non-clapping hand clappers.
Thank you for playing. I appreciate it.
You want it? Yeah.
Come on, come on.
Take your time. Hey. -Hi.
-Hi. How are you doing? How are you?
-I'm good. How are you? -I'm great. Oh, my.
What is your name and where -- Here, hold this,
'cause it will give you something to do.
What is your name and where are you from?
-I'm Anna and I'm from St. Louis, Missouri.
-Hey, St. Louis! Come on!
Congrats on getting the March Madness there.
All right, here we go right here.
What is President Trump acting out in this clip?
-Okay. ♪♪
-All right, is he talking about
El Chapo escaping jail through the sewage system,
is he talking about sending troops to space,
or is he talking about going in for a handshake
and then switching to a high five?
-Oh, totally A. El Chapo all the way.
-El Chapo all the way? -El Chapo.
-Let's find out.
-They did catch El Chapo. That's good.
-Hey! You knew what he was talking about.
There it is. Here are you real clappers.
They make noise. Hey, you're awesome.
Thank you very much. Appreciate it.
Thank you, thank you. Anyone down here?
Yeah. Hey, come on over.
The game is very easy. Hi. How are you?
-Good. How are you? -I'm great.
What is your name and where are you from?
-I'm Isabella. And I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio.
-Hey, Cincinnati, Ohio!
We love that -- What is --
You have chili on spaghetti there, don't you?
-Yeah. -Yeah, it's great.
All right. Good.
All right, here's the last question.
What is Trump acting out right here?
Is he talking about \"A,\" a bear that he saw at the zoo,
is he talking about \"B,\"
trying to get into a Dunkin' Donuts that was locked?
or was he talking about \"C,\"
his presidential opponents falling off a cliff?
-I'd say C. -C. Let's find out.
-I mean, the two last ones --
they're, like, hanging by their fingertips.
-That's correct. That is it. -Yeah!
-Here is your working hand clapper.
-Amazing! -How fun is that?
Thank you so much. Hey, thanks so much for playing.
\"Presidential Charades,\" everyone!
Thank you very much.
-♪ Charades ♪
♪ Presidential ♪
♪ \"Presidential Charades\" ♪
-Oh, great. Well, this is pretty fun, guys.
I heard that Lucky Charms is giving away 15,000 boxes
filled only with marshmallows.
And they even have a new slogan.
\"Lucky Charms marshmallows -- they're magically diabetic.\"
Guys, this is very exciting.
The first trailer for \"Toy Story 4\" came out today,
which is why everyone at work was like,
\"No, I'm not crying.
I was just -- I was just chopping onions at my desk.\"
It's good. But this is real.
The movie is about a plastic fork
that becomes a toy named Forky.
When asked how they came up with the idea,
Pixar said, \"It just came to us.\"
Well, as I mentioned, tomorrow is the first day of spring,
and even though it's exciting to get some nicer weather,
it's always tough saying goodbye to winter.
So, if you don't mind, I've got to do this real quick.
Hey, Winter.
Look, I think we both know that things are over between us,
but I just wanted you to know,
I don't have any bad feelings about you.
I mean, you were great.
It's just things change, you know?
Seasons end.
Oof. This is tougher than I thought.
One second. ♪♪
Hey, Spring. Looking good. Looking real good.
I just wanted to let you know
that me and Winter are officially over,
so you know.
We had some good times, Winter.
I mean, New Year's, the Super Bowl, baby shark,
but, come on, February is the shortest month.
Not that length matters, it's just, you know --
Look, I found a new season, and its name is Spring.
And it's got me sprung.
So, goodbye, Winter. I'll see you around.
And, Spring, I'll see you tomorrow,
as soon as my Zyrtec kicks in.
Thank you for letting me do that.
Listen to this, guys.
I read about a man in Nebraska who was arrested
after he tried to rob a Papa John's
using a pair of drumsticks.
But he didn't really catch the cashier by surprise,
'cause before he started, he went \"1, 2, 3, 4.
Give me all your money.
1, 2. 1, 2. Stick 'em up!\"
Here's a big sports story today.
The L.A. Angels signed outfielder Mike Trout
to the biggest contract in baseball history,
worth $430 million.
Wow. 430 million.
In a related story, a hot dog at an Angels game
now costs $3.2 million.
Gimme a little extra mustard on that.
And, finally, you guys, March Madness
is kicking off this week, and there are
so many amazing players in the tournament.
But I noticed that if you combine
some of the players's names,
you can create an even-more-likable player.
I'll show you what I mean.
For example, if you combine Mississippi State's
Quinndary Weatherspoon with Maryland's Reese Mona,
you get Reese Weatherspoon.
-If you combine New Mexico State's Trevelin Queen
with Yale's Wyatt Yess, they become Yess Queen.
-No answering ahead of time, but thank you.
If you combine Kansas State's Mike McGuirl
and Murray State's Devin Gilmore,
you get Gilmore McGuirl.
I love that show. -Yeah.
-Up next, if you combine Tennessee's Jordan Bone
with Kentucky's Immanuel Quickley,
you get Quickley Bone.
And, finally, if you combine Temple's Shizz Alston Jr.
with Washington's Matisse Thybulle,
you get Thybulle Shizz.
There you go.
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Jimmy Gets to the Bottom of What Beto O'Rourke Stands For

197 Folder Collection
王惟惟 published on May 14, 2019
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