Name: Bill Burr - Plastic Surgery (with eng subtitle)
Uploaded: 2019-03-07T02:37:14.000Z
Duration: 3 min 37 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

I got to admit the only thing that freaks me out

about Los Angeles is all a plastic surgery. I don't get it.

Adverbs of degree

Why do people get plastic surgery?  You know. Why can't you just admit 'it's over'?

You know, you had your time.  Stop trying to look fuckable in your 50s.

It's weird. With their faces yank back.  Looking all shiny, right?

Not to mention they haven't even figured it out.

You know. Why would you get a facelift?  Can't you look at other facelifts and realize they haven't worked all the bugs out yet?

Right? That's what you want to look like?  Like you just lost the fight three days ago.

Don't be a hero. Let somebody else go in there,  take the fucking beat. You lay back.

They're just lying to people. I know, looks great, looks great.  Put a little ice on it.

We'll see you in a couple weeks.  All right, take it easy.

We followed every step. Did we miss something?  Oh! Hey,hey,hey...

Here's your keys. There you go, there you go.  Almost didn't recognize you. You look so young, all right. Take it easy.

She's gone? All right, she's gone.  All right, shred everything. Shred it!

You wait it out. Let them figure it out,  then you're fucking going. Don't be a goddamn hero, you know.

Look at hair plugs.  Hair plugs don't look half bad now.

Saw this guy the other night on TV, he's like:  God I wish they did this 10 years ago. It's like: no, you don't!

10 years ago? When they were stapling ant legs  to the top of people's heads?

Your eyes would water looking at their hairline.  Like, is this

They use to put you in like a headlock.  Hold still! Use like a nail gun.

Hold still! Guys would tap out after a row and a half.  Fuck it! I don't give a shit!

You wish you got hair plugs 10 years ago.  Do you wish you got Polio 60 years ago?

I understand liposuction. They screw that up,  you can put on a shirt, right?

Who do they think they're fooling?  With their stupid... you know. And then you lie to yourself.

I'm just gonna do this, just gonna, just gonna have this done.

No, you're not, you're not.  What? Are you just gonna wax the fender on your car?

And that's it? The rest of it looks all shitty.  Well maybe I just do the hood, maybe I do the back.

That's what happens.  You look like one of those real housewives and face all twisted up.

Fucking idiots. How do I look? They're idiots.

Don't I look like I'm in my 20s? No, you look weird. You look fucking

You still look like you're in your 50s. I just can't guess  what year anymore because I've never seen that year.

I've never seen that shiny fucking look.  It's almost like you discovered a new age between 52 and 53.

People there's nothing wrong with being 52 and looking 52, all right.  You're 52, you didn't get fucked. Yeah.

What would you rather be 52 and look 52?  Or be 52 and look like a 28 year old lizard?