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  • (beep)

  • - My phone's all nudes and that's true.

  • - I gotta turn my airdrop on.

  • - You want an accidental nude?

  • I'll show you my tits.

  • - I mean, you know.

  • (whistle)

  • (upbeat music)

  • Oh hey glamp fan! I saw you there

  • but I was pretending not to.

  • I'm Glamdora and I just wanted

  • to say thank you so much for liking,

  • commenting, subscribing, all of that shit

  • on all of my vids here on Crypt TV.

  • It's been a wonderful journey so far

  • but did you know that I actually have an Instagram?

  • Clearly you do because you've left all kinds of comments.

  • Here's one. Why she got masculine hips?

  • First of all, that's binary thinking

  • and second of all, no I (beep) don't.

  • This person says her eye look like a old peach.

  • My eye look like a old peach?

  • What does that (beep) mean?

  • What's an old peach? No, my eyes are beautiful.

  • I bet her kidneys smell so damn bad?

  • Stop thinking about my kidneys

  • and you're right, they probably smell bad.

  • You know what, (beep) you guys.

  • Today's episode is about self confidence.

  • I don't give a (beep) what you say about me

  • because I (beep) rule and you (beep) drool.

  • Until you finish this episode

  • and then you can learn to love yourself

  • or something, I don't know.

  • (flames crackling)

  • That's right you dicks, today we're

  • going to learn about self confidence.

  • How to get it and how to keep it.

  • Here are a few things that will

  • never make you feel self confident.

  • Going down on someone from Tinder.

  • You should not go down on somebody

  • that you just call someone from Tinder, alright?

  • Another thing that really is never

  • going to make you feel more self confident

  • is when somebody cuts you off in traffic

  • so you work your way through the cars

  • until you're next to them at a red light

  • and then you look over to see what this (beep)

  • garbage idiot looks like.

  • It's actually pretty satisfying.

  • Another thing that will never make you feel

  • self confident is still talking

  • about how Bernie Sanders should have been the nominee.

  • While some people might think that might be true,

  • it's 2018, that happened in 2016,

  • that's two years you should have grown by now.

  • In a party environment, if you're trying to get laid

  • I just wouldn't.

  • (deep breath)

  • I think I need a boost of self confidence

  • and I think I know how to get it.

  • How about with my next guest, Dang Matt Smith.

  • We're goin' to the boudoir, that's French for bedroom.

  • (piano music)

  • Oh my (beep) god, we're in my boudoir now,

  • can you believe it? God I love this life. How bout you?

  • - It's not a sleep number bed but, you know, it works.

  • - Okay, this is my new friend Matt Smith.

  • I'm sorry, Dang Matt Smith.

  • - Hey, what's goin' on. I'm not creeped out at all

  • by the whips and the chains and the dildos

  • but it's fine, yeah yeah.

  • - Oh I didn't ask. Anyway, he has his own clothing line,

  • shirts, hoodies, sweatpants, jerseys, pop sockets,

  • portable chargers, everyone needs one of those,

  • except for me, my pussy is also an iphone charger.

  • Bracelets, phone cases and water bottles.

  • What's your favorite item you have?

  • - I was just going to say the shirts

  • but I'd be happy to accommodate, you know,

  • anything that you're looking for

  • and maybe I can get a Dang Matt Smith horn.

  • - Oh, would you like to touch my horn?

  • I'm very horny.

  • - Only on the second date.

  • - Please touch my horns.

  • - A little. Just touch the tip.

  • - Ow! So let me get this straight though,

  • you made a name for yourself just interacting

  • with random people on chat roulette.

  • - Yeah, yeah just talking to strangers,

  • doing what my parents told me not to do.

  • - Oh my god, you must have been just a small boy

  • when chat roulette was a popular thing to do.

  • - I was a small boy but you know what, I grew up.

  • - But you're 19, yeah I got some info.

  • - Where'd that go? Littering.

  • - Littering is a myth. You do a lot of reactions,

  • - Yeah

  • - That's how you made your name for yourself.

  • - Yes.

  • - Alright so what kind of things do you react to?

  • - Anything scary, anything funny, you know.

  • (Glamdora growling)

  • (Matt screams)

  • (beep)

  • Remind me to change the sheets.

  • - Did you pee yourself? Or did you cum?

  • - No, um, worse.

  • - You did not shit my bed. You smell wonderful.

  • - Thank you.

  • - And I'm happy that you're here.

  • - Yeah, me too.

  • - Alright.

  • - Not regretting at all.

  • - So you also do meme videos.

  • - Yeah

  • - I checked out your Instagram.

  • - Yeah, yeah.

  • - That feeling when. That moment when. Me when.

  • You love all of us.

  • - I do all of it, the awkwardness.

  • - Please show me that moment when

  • you realize you've been dead the whole time.

  • (dramatic music)

  • Oh my god. He's beautiful.

  • It's still yelling.

  • And you're sad that you're dead,

  • you're not relieved?

  • Show me that feeling when you realize

  • your girl's the killer.

  • (techno music)

  • When you are having the best sex of your life

  • but then you realize it's a ghost.

  • (funk music)

  • Whoa, it's confusion. It's like pain

  • and ecstasy simultaneously.

  • - It's a very personal experience.

  • - You (beep) a ghost?

  • - Not on purpose.

  • - Are you ready to play a little game with me

  • to see how confident you really are,

  • you walk in here like some big confident hot shot,

  • your mad swagger just walkin' up into my bedroom,

  • trying to tell me what's up?

  • - You really think I got mad swagger?

  • - We're gonna play my game now so shut the (beep) up.

  • This is a game called truth or scare.

  • I'm gonna ask you some very personal,

  • very (beep) up questions and you can either

  • answer them honestly or I get to text someone

  • in your phone and tell them whatever I want to tell them.

  • - Oh no.

  • (scary music)

  • - First question, who is your least favorite Youtuber, go.

  • - My least favorite? I mean I love all the Youtubers.

  • Shout out to all the.

  • - You can not lie!

  • - My least favorite Youtuber is myself.

  • - I think he's lying. I think he's gonna get punished.

  • Who is the most famous person

  • you've ever hooked up or made out with?

  • - I don't know if you heard of anybody called

  • Selena Gomez but she once kissed me on the cheek

  • so I count that.

  • - Selena Gomez kissed you on the cheek?

  • - She did. I met her one time and then she

  • was like oh hi, nice to meet you, right there.

  • - It's not really a hook up but she's pretty famous.

  • - It's like first and a half base.

  • - Do you want to ask me?

  • - Oh god. Whose the most famous person

  • you've hooked up with?

  • - Well I haven't hooked up with him