WE HAD SO MUCH FUN STUFF PLANNED

FOR YOU TONIGHT.

WE WORKED ON IT ALL DAY.

WE HAD A "BACHELOR IN PARADISE,"

KIDS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

WE WERE GOING TO TALK ABOUT --

THERE'S A HORRIBLE NEW PAIR OF

UGGS WE WERE GOING TO DISCUSS.

I EVEN THOUGHT HEY, MAYBE WE

WON'T TALK ABOUT DONALD TRUMP

MUCH TONIGHT.

AND THEN HE OPENED HIS MOUTH AND

ALL MANNER OF STUPID CAME OUT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I'M NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY I

WOULD FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE IF

CERSEI LANNISTER WAS RUNNING

THIS COUNTRY AT THIS POINT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS.

I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE HERE ON

VACATION.

IT STARTED -- IT WAS SUPPOSED TO

BE A PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT

INFRASTRUCTURE, AND IT ENDED

WITH OUR PRESIDENT MAKING AN

ANGRY AND PASSIONATE DEFENSE OF

WHITE SUPREMACISTS.

IT WAS LIKE IF YOUR BOOK CLUB

MEETING TURNED INTO A COCK

FIGHT.

IT REALLY WAS REMARKABLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I DON'T KNOW WHO DECIDED IT

WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO SEND HIM

OUT THERE TO TALK TO REPORTERS

TODAY.

BUT WHOEVER DID OBVIOUSLY

MISREAD HIS STATE OF MIND AND

THE MOOD IN THIS COUNTRY RIGHT

NOW.

I FEEL LIKE I CAN SAY THIS WITH

REASONABLE CERTAINTY.

THE PRESIDENT IS COMPLETELY

UNHINGED.

THE WHEELS ARE OFF THE WAGON AND

HURTLING TOWARD THE MOON RIGHT

NOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I HAVE SOME CLIPS TO SHOW YOU.

AND BEFORE I DO I WANT TO SAY

CLIPS ARE ONE THING.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE EDITED DOWN.

WE CHOOSE THEM FOR CONTENT.

BUT IF YOU GET A CHANCE GO

ONLINE AND WATCH THE WHOLE PRESS

CONFERENCE FROM BEGINNING TO

END.

IT'S ASTONISHING.

THE ONLY THING I CAN COMPARE IT

TO IS REMEMBER WHEN MIKE TYSON

BIT EVANDER HOLYFIELD'S EAR OFF?

AND THEN HE BIT HIS OTHER EAR

OFF?

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS WAS THE PRESIDENTIAL

EQUIVALENT OF THAT.

TRUMP WASN'T EVEN SCHEDULED TO

TAKE QUESTIONS TODAY.

HE WAS GOING TO GIVE A BRIEF

UPDATE ON AN EXECUTIVE ORDER HE

SIGNED TO BOOST INFRASTRUCTURE.

BUT REPORTERS WANTED TO ASK

ABOUT HIS WEAK RESPONSE TO WHAT

HAPPENED IN CHARLOTTESVILLE, AND

THINGS WENT INFRASTRUCING NUTS

FROM THERE.

>> HONESTLY IF THE PRESS WAS NOT

FAKE AND WAS HONEST THE PRESS

WOULD HAVE SAID WHAT I SAID WAS

VERY NICE.

BUT UNLIKE YOU AND -- EXCUSE ME.

UNLIKE YOU AND UNLIKE THE MEDIA,

BEFORE I MAKE A STATEMENT I LIKE

TO KNOW THE FACTS.

>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.

HE'S VERY CAREFUL ABOUT THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LIKE THE FACT THAT TED CRUZ'S

FATHER KILLED JFK AND OBAMA WAS

BORN IN KENYA.

HE'S A STICKLER FOR THE FACTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO WHEN THEY GOT TO HIS

STATEMENT ABOUT PUTTING THE

BLAME FOR THE MURDER AND THE

HATE CRIMES IN CHARLOTTESVILLE

ON MANY SIDES, NOT JUST THE

NAZIS AND KLAN MEMBERS, A

STATEMENT HE TRIED TO SOFTEN

YESTERDAY BY SPECIFICALLY

DENOUNCING THOSE GROUPS, NOT

ONLY DID HE GO BACK TO HIS

ORIGINAL STATEMENT.

HE DOUBLED DOWN AND ACTUALLY

DEFENDED THEIR ACTIONS.

>> WHEN YOU SAY THE ALT-RIGHT,

DEFINE ALT-RIGHT TO ME.

YOU DEFINE IT.

GO AHEAD.

>> I'M SAYING --

>> NO, DEFINE IT FOR ME.

>> SENATOR McCAIN DEFINED THEM

AS THE SAME GROUP --

>> OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THE ALT-LEFT

THAT CAME CHARGING -- EXCUSE ME.

WHAT ABOUT THE ALT-LEFT THAT

CAME CHARGING AT AS YOU SAY THE

ALT-RIGHT?

DO THEY HAVE ANY SEMBLANCE OF

GUILT?

LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THEY CAME

CHARGING, THAT THEY CAME

CHARGING WITH CLUBS IN THEIR

HANDS, SWINGING CLUBS?

DO THEY HAVE ANY PROBLEM?

I THINK THEY DO.

>> Jimmy: I THINK WE DO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I THINK IS -- I THINK WE MIGHT

NEED AN ALT-PRESIDENT RIGHT NOW.

>> I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I WATCHED THIS VERY CLOSELY,

MUCH MORE CLOSELY THAN YOU

PEOPLE WATCHED IT.

AND YOU HAVE -- YOU HAD A GROUP

ON ONE SIDE THAT WAS BAD AND YOU

HAD A GROUP ON THE OTHER SIDE

THAT WAS ALSO VERY VIOLENT.

AND NOBODY WANTS TO SAY THAT.

BUT I'LL SAY IT RIGHT NOW.

>> Jimmy: DON'T SAY IT RIGHT

NOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DON'T EVER.

SO HE PUT BLAME ON BOTH SIDES.

BUT HE ALSO HAD KIND WORDS FOR

BOTH SIDES.

>> NEO-NAZIS STARTED THIS.

THEY CAME TO CHARLOTTESVILLE,

THEY SHOWED UP IN

CHARLOTTESVILLE --

>> EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

THEY DIDN'T -- YOU HAD SOME VERY

BAD PEOPLE IN THAT GROUP.

BUT YOU ALSO HAD PEOPLE THAT

WERE VERY FINE PEOPLE.

ON BOTH SIDES.

>> Jimmy: VERY FINE PEOPLE ON

BOTH SIDES.

LET'S LOOK AT SOME OF THE VERY

FINE PEOPLE ON THE TRUMP SIDE

THERE.

THIS IS FROM THE RALLY ON

FRIDAY.

>> YOU WILL NOT REPLACE US!

>> Jimmy: SO HERE'S THE THING.

IF YOU'RE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE

AND THEY'RE CHANTING THINGS LIKE

"JEWS WILL NOT REPLACE US" AND

YOU DON'T IMMEDIATELY LEAVE THAT

GROUP, YOU ARE NOT A VERY FINE

PERSON.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND BY THE WAY, TODAY DAVID

DEUX, WHO IS A VERY FINE FORMER

GRAND WIZARD OF THE KKK, TWEETED

"THANK YOU PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR

YOUR HONESTY AND COURAGE TO TELL