B1 Intermediate US 164 Folder Collection
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TONIGHT, AS YOU MAY KNOW, OUR
PRESIDENT TONIGHT, DONALD
JITTERBUG TRUMP ADDRESSED THE
NATION FROM THE OVAL OFFICE.
THIS WAS HIS FIRST OIVAL OFFICE
ADDRESS.
HE HAD BEEN USING IT FOR
KARDASHIAN MEET AND GREETS.
HE GOT VERY SERIOUS, ALL THE
MAJOR NETWORKS COVERED IT LIVE
FOR GOOD REASON.
THEY INTERRUPTED PRIME TIME
TELEVISION TO TELL US ABOUT A
COMPLETELY MADE-UP THING.
HIS SPEECH WAS WEABOUT TEN MINUT
LONG, WHICH ACCORDING TO STORMY
DANIELS WAS ABOUT EIGHT MINUTES
LONGER.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE ON ALL THE
CHANNELS AT ONCE, I DON'T NOW.
BUT MUCH OF THE DEBATE IN THIS
CASE CENTERED AROUND WHETHER OR
NOT IT IS APPROPRIATE TO GIVE
THE PRESIDENT A FORUM TO LIE TO
US ON TELEVISION.
FOR REAL.
WHAT THEY DID, AND I THOUGHT
THIS WAS INTERESTING.
EACH NETWORK DECIDED THEY WOULD
RUN THE SPEECH, BUT WITH A
DISCLAIMER FIRST.
>> THE FOLLOWING PRESIDENTIAL
ARREST
ADDRESS IS A WORK OF FICTION.
ALL PERSONALITIES, EVENTS AND
LOCATIONS AND FACTS WERE PULLED
DIRECTLY FROM THE PRESIDENT'S
ASS.
>> HE DID NOT MAKE MENTION OF
THE CARAVAN THAT WAS COMING TO
GET US THREE MONTHS AGO, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT, BUT
I GUESS IT DISAPPEARED WHEN THE
ELECTION WAS DONE, BUT HE DOES
WANT US TO BELIEVE THERE'S A
CRISIS AT THE BORDER BESIDES THE
ONE HE CREATED.
HE DESPERATELY WANTS US TO BE
WORRIED ABOUT THE BORDER.
HERE'S THE MISTAKE HE'S MAKING
ON THIS.
IF YOU'RE DONALD TRUMP, GOD
FORBID, IF YOU'RE DONALD TRUMP
AND YOU MAKE A CAMPAIGN PROMISE
TO BUILD A WALL, AND THEN YOU
DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD TO FULFILL
IT AND YOU GET PEOPLE PANICKED
ENOUGH TO WASTE $5 MILLION ON
IT.
TELLING PEOPLE WE HAVE BAD
HOMBRES SNEAKING ACROSS THE
BORDER.
IF YOU WANT A BORDER CRISIS,
MAKE IT A SCARY BOARD CRISIS.
DON'T SAY THEY'RE ILLEGAL
IMMIGRANTS, SAY IT'S AN ARMY OF
CHUPACABRAS, THEY HAVE RED EYES,
SHARP CLAWS.
IF WE DON'T STOP THEM, THEY'RE
GOING TO EAT OUR CHILDREN.
THAT'S HOW YOU GET PEOPLE FIRED
UP.
YOU WANT A WALL, YOU WANT TO
BUILD A WALL, THIS IS HOW YOU DO
IT.
>> OVER THE YEARS, THOUSANDS OF
AMERICANS HAVE BEEN BRUTALLY
KILLED.
>> BY CHUPACABRA.
>> Jimmy: IF I HEAR THAT, I'LL
HELP BUILD THE WALL MYSELF.
BUT I'M SORRY I INTERRUPTED, MR.
PRESIDENT, GO ON.
>> SOME HAVE SUGGESTED A BARRIER
IS IMMORAL.
THEN WHY DO WEALTHY POLITICIANS
BUILD WALLS, FENCES AND GET AS
AROUND THEIR HOMES?
THEY DON'T BUILD WALLS BECAUSE
THEY HATE THE PEOPLE ON THE
OUTSIDE, BUT BECAUSE THEY LOVE
THE PEOPLE ON THE INSIDE.
>> Jimmy: OH, I SEE.
IT'S THE SAME REASON WE BEAT A
PINATA WITH A STICK.
IT'S NOT BECAUSE WE HATE WHAT'S
ON THE OUTSIDE.
WE WANT CANDY.
HE ALMOST SEEMED SEDATED, LIKE
SOMEBODY SLIPPED A XANAX IN HIS
McFLURRY.
HE DID HIS LEAST FAVORITE THING,
WHICH IS READING.
ILLEGAL BORDER CROSSINGS ARE AT
THEIR LOWEST LEVEL IN MANY
YEARS, BUT THERE ARE STILL
PEOPLE SNEAKING ACROSS OUR
BORDER, AND THIS IS HOW THEY DO
IT.
YOU SEE HERE THIS VIDEO.
YOU DON'T GO OVER THE BARRIER.
YOU GO UNDER IT.
YOU TUNNEL UNDER THE BORDER, AND
THAT, YOU CAN SEE THE PILATES
HAS REALLY PAID OFF.
WHY THEY'RE --
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MUCH CRACK
ON THE SUBWAY SINCE 1985.
THANK YOU.
AFTER THE PRESIDENT'S SPEECH,
CHUCK SCHUMER AND NANCY PELOSI
GAVE THE REBUTTAL FOR THE
DEMOCRATS, AND THESE TWO, I
DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS RYAN
AND KELLY HAVE ON THEIR
CONTRACT, BUT IF NANCY AND CHUCK
EVER DECIDE TO TEAM UP AND DO A
SHOW, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET
GILLMAN ON THE PHONE BECAUSE
THEY ARE TERRIFIC.
>> I APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SPEAK DIRECT LIBLY TO THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE TONIGHT ABOUT
HOW WE CAN END THIS SHUTDOWN.
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Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Trump's Presidential Address

164 Folder Collection
Jingjiang Li published on February 1, 2019
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