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  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >>> AH, ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY

  • HERE ON MT. RUSHMORE.

  • LET'S DO OUR PRESIDENTIAL ROLL

  • CALL, SHALL WE?

  • WASHINGTON?

  • >> HERE!

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >> JEFFERSON?

  • >> PRESENT.

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >> ROOSEVELT.

  • >> BUT I -- EPH -- WHAT IS THAT

  • INFERNAL RACKET?

  • >> THEY'RE ADDING ANOTHER HEAD

  • TO MT. RUSHMORE.

  • >> WHO COULD IT SOMEBODY.

  • >> WATCH IT JOSE, THAT HAIR THE

  • MADE OF 24-KARAT GOLD.

  • I HAD TO MELT DOWN ALL MY

  • TOILETS TO LIVE THAT.

  • >> WELCOME, NEWCOMER.

  • AND WHO MIGHT YOU SOMEBODY.

  • >> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

  • I'M THE 45th AND BEST PRESIDENT

  • OF THE UNITED STATES, DONALD

  • JESUS TRUMP.

  • >> A NEW PRESIDENT, WELL, LET ME

  • BE THE FIRST TO SAY, SOUTH

  • DAKOTA IS HONORED TO HAVE YOU.

  • >> I LOVE THE DAKOTAS.

  • SOUTH DAKOTA, EAST DAKOTA,

  • DAKOTA JOHNSON, DAKOTA FANNING.

  • I KNOW THEM WELL, FANTASTIC

  • PEOPLE, SO GREAT.

  • >> WELL, IF YOU'VE BEEN ADDED TO

  • MT. RUSHMORE YOU ENOUGH

  • ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING AMAZING

  • DURING YOUR PRESIDENCY R. FOR

  • INSTANCE, I GAVE THE GETTYSBURG

  • ADDRESS.

  • FOURSCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO --

  • >> BIG DEAL.

  • I SCORE ALL THE TIME.

  • >> HM.

  • WELL, I ALSO ENDED SLAVERY.

  • >> THAT'S NOT TRUE.

  • I'VE BEEN MAKING A BUNCH OF

  • FEDERAL EMPLOYEES WORK FOR FREE

  • FOR 31 DAYS.

  • >> OH.

  • >> WELL, IN MY PRESIDENCY WE

  • FINISHED THE PANAMA CANAL.

  • PANAMA!

  • >> GREAT SONG, FILTHY PLACE.

  • AND WHO CARES ABOUT A FRICKIN'

  • CANAL?

  • I BUILD GOLDEN TOWERS WITH MY

  • NAME ON THEM.

  • AND WE HAVE TACO BOWLS.

  • >> WELL, I WROTE THE DECLARATION

  • OF INDEPENDENCE.

  • >> NEVER HEARD OF HER.

  • >> I WAS AMERICA'S FIRST

  • PRESIDENT.

  • THAT'S WHY I'M ON THE ONE DOLLAR

  • BILL.

  • >> YOU MEAN THAT MONEY POOR

  • PEOPLE USE AT STRIP CLUBS?

  • WOW, I'M SO IMPRESSED.

  • LISTEN, LOSERS.

  • THIS PLACE SUCKS.

  • SO I'M GOING TO TAKE IT FROM

  • DUMP TO TRUMP.

  • >> WHAT EVER DO YOU MEAN?

  • >> FIRST OF ALL, GOOFY GEORGE,

  • I'M MAKING THAT OLD WIG YOU WEAR

  • AN OIL RIG, YOU LIKE IT?

  • >> NO, I CANNOT TELL A LIE.

  • >> I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.

  • TINY TOMMY, TINY TOMMY, THE

  • DIRTY NOSE OF YOURS IS NOW A BIG

  • BEAUTIFUL WATER SLIDE.

  • >> THIS IS HIGHLY UNORTHODOX!

  • >> WOE, MM, DADDY LIKEE!

  • AND YOU, FATTY BOOM BOOM?

  • >> THEODORE ROOSEVELT!

  • >> WHATEVER.

  • I MADE YOUR MOUSTACHE A LANDING

  • PAD FOR THE SPACE FORCE.

  • >> OH, OH, IT TICKLES!

  • I HATE IT.

  • >> AND I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE

  • FOR YOU, HONEST ABE-HOLE.

  • >> FORE!

  • >> WHAT WAS THAT?

  • >> A GOLF BALL.

  • THIS WHOLE PLACE IS NOW A TRUMP

  • LUXURY GOLF COURSE AND YOU ARE 4

  • UNDER PAR, KIM JONG.

  • LOOK AT HIS LITTLE ROCKET DANCE,

  • IT'S SO ADORABLE, I LOVE YOU.

  • >> PRESIDENT TRUMP, WITH ALL DUE

  • RESPECT, MT. RUSHMORE HONORS THE

  • UNITED STATES PRESIDENCY, AN

  • OFFICE OF COURAGE AND COMPASSION

  • FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.

  • TO DESECRATE IT IN THIS WAY

  • WOULD BE A SLAP IN THE FACE TO

  • BOTH DEMOCRACY AND THE PROUDNESS

  • OF AMERICA ITSELF!

  • >> I'M SORRY, WERE YOU TALKING?

  • I WAS TWEETING THAT THE DALAI

  • LAMA LOOKS LIKE A POTATO.

  • >> MR. TRUMP, WE'RE GOING TO

  • HAVE TO ASK THAT YOU LEAVE

  • MT. RUSHMORE THIS INSTANT!

  • >> WELL, YOU CAN'T.

  • BECAUSE IT'S NO LONGER CALLED

  • MT. RUSHMORE.

  • IT'S CALLED MT. RUSSIA.

  • MT. RUSSIA!

  • THAT'S WHAT THOSE HOOKERS IN THE

  • HOTEL LET ME DO.

  • >> FORE!

  • >> MY GOODNESS. 128 00:04:29,636 --> 00:00:00,000 >> WOW, NICE SHOT, O.J.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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