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  • Chad: Hey guys before we get started to want to tell you about 23andme.

  • Which is a DNA testing service.

  • It's named after the 23 chromosomes that make up your DNA.

  • It's a great way to find out about your family history.

  • Your wellness and it's super easy to do.

  • All you to do is spit in the tube and send it off and then you find out.

  • Now through December 25th get 30% off any 23andme kit order your DNA kit at 23andMe.com/deathbattle.

  • That's the number 2,3 a,nd me.com/DEATH BATTLE.

  • Again that's 23andMe/deathbattle.

  • (Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates)

  • Wiz: Power.

  • Some spend entire lives in search of it.

  • While for others it is their birthright.

  • But what truly matters in the end is how it's used.

  • Boomstick: Like with Thanos, the ultimate villain of the Avengers.

  • Wiz: And Darkside, arch-nemesis to the Justice League.

  • Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

  • Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a DEATH BATTLE!

  • Over a million years ago.

  • When mankind's evolution first broke away from the apes.

  • The cosmic Celestials arrived on earth.

  • They experimented on the human race creating three separate variants.

  • The powerful and beautiful Eternals destined for immortality.

  • Those with a latent mutated gene which would one day spawn the X-Men.

  • And the deformed disturbing subspecies known as the Deviants.

  • Boomstick: Like that one website with all the porn.

  • Wiz: What?

  • Boomstick: Anyway the Eternals eventually colonized the moons of Saturn thanks to this science wizard named Mentor.

  • Whose collar's like the lampshade I put on my dog to make him stop lickin' his junk.

  • Wiz: Charming.

  • But while the Eternal seemed like a perfect people.

  • Mentor's own son would change this forever and force the cosmos to its needs.

  • His name was Thanos.

  • Thanos: You were a fool to betray me Ronan.

  • Prepare to meet your doom!

  • Boomstick: Thanos was born into a life of luxury.

  • Sure his mom went totally insane and tried to kill him right away but what do you think you'd do if you popped out a creepy, California raisin, baby?

  • Wiz: It seems the Celestials experiments weren't quite so different from each other.

  • Despite his eternal heritage Thanos' large disproportionate body and thick purple skin where thanks to a deviant mutation.

  • Boomstick: Which you'd think would mean everyone would hate him.

  • But nope.

  • The Eternals were super progressive and totally cool with a wrinkly grimace walkin' around.

  • Wiz: In fact Thanos was greatly admired for his exceptional intelligence and creativity.

  • He was set for a positive and decorated future.

  • Boomstick: Until he threw it all away for a girl.

  • Hey I don't blame him.

  • Lots of guys do crazy shit for hot chicks.

  • Especially when you're a secret murder-happy psycho who's obsessed with the physical manifestation of death.

  • Wiz: To earn Death's reciprocal love.

  • Thanos took a journey a quest to ravage the universe in her name.

  • Boomstick: And as an eternal he had plenty of superhuman power to do it.

  • He was already the strongest and fastest Eternal around.

  • But he boosted his power even more with bionic and magic enhancements.

  • Wiz: And while his fiscal and psionic abilities are impressive.

  • His incredible genius led to building massive spaceships, shields that can withstand planet level attacks and even a time window.

  • Boomstick: And the most badass throne ever.

  • It comes packed with its own laser weapons, light speed travel and it can teleport through space and time.

  • Wiz: Unlike most Eternals Thanos has also dabbled in the mystic arts.

  • Petrification, Curses even some of his throne's abilities seem to be more magic than hard science.

  • All of this potential makes Thanos an incredibly dangerous foe.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, good luck tryin' to hurt him.

  • He can survive pretty much anythin'.

  • Includin' a gun.

  • Specifically designed to kill him.

  • He even shot himself in the face with it just to prove how goddamn awesome he is.

  • Boomstick: Don't try that at home kids.

  • Wiz: He's strong enough to overpower two Thors at once.

  • Snap a universal weapon known for its extreme durability.

  • And even lift the gargantuan Galactus engine.

  • Boomstick: That giant super rocket big enough to move planets according to Mr. Fantastic.

  • And that guy know his stuff.

  • This thing is hundreds of miles long.

  • Wiz: While the Galactus engine's size seems to vary from comic to comic.

  • Reed's assertion matches its appearance when it propelled Ego the Living Planet.

  • By examining the engine in three separate parts applying the density of steel and comparing Ego's diameter of four thousand 165 miles.

  • We've found that Thanos must be lifting about 50 quintillion tons.

  • That's like holding up 140 trillion Empire State buildings.

  • Boomstick: And he's doin' this inside the gut of a living Kurt Russell planet that eats other planets and even stars.

  • Man.

  • I thought I had an iron stomach.

  • Wiz: But destroying a star isn't a simple thing.

  • Any energy directed toward a star would just be absorbed and adapted to.

  • Only by completely nullifying a star's constant energy output can it be eliminated.

  • Boomstick: So Ego's stomach acid it must be deadlier than frickin supernovas or a black hole.

  • He'd probably love'd Mama Boomstick's world famous ghost pepper pie.

  • Wiz: Ugh!

  • Boomstick: It's fine.

  • Just dip it in some squirrel paste.

  • Wiz: Surviving the stomach of Ego isn't so far-fetched for Thanos.

  • Considering he's also survived a dip in a blackhole.

  • Extreme reality warping across the Metaverse and the voice of Black Bolt.

  • Boomstick: What's so special about this guy you asked?

  • Well with just a whisper he obliterated 1 billion tons of rock.

  • This guy can easily break a planet with just one shout.

  • And Thanos took three of them to the face.

  • Wiz: Although Thanos isn't known for being a speedster character.

  • He's still quick enough to battle the likes of Silver Surfer.

  • A being who can cover five hundred thousand light-years in just a couple of seconds.

  • Putting him over three trillion times faster than light.

  • With so many impressive showings It's hard to truly find a weakness.

  • Deadpool: Except for oneeeeeee.

  • Boomstick: UGH Godamnit!

  • Deadpool: Thank you, thank you.

  • Glad to be here.

  • It's me: Deadpool.

  • Slayer of Deathstroke's, befriender of Ponies and breaker of Mad Titan heart's.

  • Unlike Casanova the ravenous reaper can't get enough of me.

  • Thanos just hates that.

  • Oof!

  • Wiz: Well Thanos did cursed him so he couldn't die and be with her.

  • Deadpool: I know right?

  • He's a big purple crybaby.

  • Have you seen that chin though?

  • It's like you got hit in the face with a Slap Chop.

  • Boomstick: Don't you have a like a party in pony town to be in?

  • Deadpool: Aw come on buddy you can't have a DEATH BATTLE season without Deadpool right?

  • Wiz: We did.

  • The last one.

  • Deadpool: Nobody counts that one.

  • I mean that's a year you pit a dog in trenchcoat against a goddamn bear.

  • (chuckles)

  • Did you think what happened?

  • Boomstick: (laughs)

  • Yeah.

  • Deadpool: Whatever.

  • I know when I'm not wanted.

  • See you next year.

  • DP out.

  • Wiz: UGH Good riddance.

  • Boomstick: Even with all of these powers and abilities Thanos still felt he needed something more to impress Death.

  • Think he's compensatin' for somethin' Wiz?

  • Wiz: Oh absolutely.

  • So he built the Infinity Gauntlet a golden glove which harnessed the power of six multi colored gems known as Infinity Stones.

  • With these he could control the full spectrum of space, reality, mind, power, soul and time.

  • Boomstick: And with those powers combined he summons Captain Planet.

  • Wiz: Well more like the destruction of half the universe but sure whatever.

  • Bucky: Steve?

  • Boomstick: Eh, same difference.

  • Oh wait isn't the Time Stone the green one in Dr. Strange's necklace?

  • Wiz: Well in the Movie Universe the Time Stone is green but in the original comics series is orange.

  • This is because every universe has its own unique Infinity Gauntlet that works exclusively there.

  • And sometimes the stones are different in color.

  • Here just follow this handy diagram I made.

  • Boomstick: Yeah don't care.

  • So with all the stones he wiped out half the universe with only a snap of his fingers.

  • But he also started going a bit crazy and began to doubt his ability to perform.

  • Hey happens to the best of us.

  • Wiz: Yet it never keeps the Mad Titan at bay for long.

  • Whose constant lust for power and godly status in the universe is only matched by his drive to just kill everybody.

  • Thanos: Dread it.

  • Run from it.

  • Destiny arrives all the same.

  • And now it's here.

  • Or should I say...

  • I am.

  • Wiz: Ten billion years ago...

  • The primeval Old Gods clashed in a cosmic civil war called: Ragnarök.

  • Boomstick: That the one with Thor and Jeff Goldblum?

  • Wiz: No.

  • Yes...

  • Kind of.

  • The battle was so great that the result was an explosion that tore the God's asunder.

  • Sending a great Godwave throughout the metaverse.

  • Eventually birthing a new generation known as...

  • The New Gods.

  • Boomstick: How original!

  • Well, some of these include Alpine Space Skier.

  • Fancy Pants Shakespeare.

  • And this cyborg spider Humpty Dumpty.

  • Half of these guys ended up on a beautiful paradise world called: New Genesis.