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  • I realize I kinda overuse the "pull the title card back up and stare at it in confusion"

  • bit, but I think in this case it's wholly justified.

  • Yeah. I can come up with about eleven thousand disturbing mental scenarios, most of which

  • involve the protagonist of Beyond Good and Evil and pointy objects. So we'll move beyond

  • that, into... gratuitous catgirl panty shots. Yep, it's another doujin bullet hell shooter,

  • which means there's plenty of time for dialogue and setting the stage, telling the story of...

  • well, it's not so much about humans and vampires fighting for control of a city this time,

  • instead it's about an intramural tournament to the death at a girls' school for witches

  • and summoners and yes, indeed, catgirls. And, because it's an eXceed game, there's probably

  • going to be a sudden musical cut before the person you're talking to engages in hardcore

  • bullet hell combat with you. Am I wrong?

  • Nope! Called it! And sure, the bullets might be different colors, and the previous game

  • in this series MIGHT've been Ikaruga by any other name, but don't be mistaken, this is

  • much more of a medals-everywhere-style bullet hell, the kind you'd see in KOF Sky Stage

  • or the like. Also, for the first time since one particular girl in eXceed 1st, you've

  • got OPTIONS. Not, y'know, option options, but "Mini Tiamat" satellite dragons that follow

  • in your wake and add to the chaos erupting all over the screen. They're adorable, they're

  • resilient, and they can be re-collected if and when you meet your untimely demise. The

  • "focus" function from the first game returns for eXceed 3rd... um... Jade Penetrate Black

  • Package... allowing you to cut your speed in half for tighter maneuvering through the

  • mass of ordnance headed your way at any given time. This also has the added benefit of making

  • your Mini Tiamat option satellite options focus fire on the nearest target.

  • So the eXceed series comes to a close, what with its cute girls and insane bullet-slaloming

  • action and unspeakably badass soundtracks, especially as far as boss battles are concerned.

  • I mean, sweet Altana is the music in this game - and this series as a whole, for the

  • most part - awesome. If it turns out that the game itself is just a clever marketing

  • tool for their own soundtracks... well, I'd be fine with that. They just might bilk me

  • for some more cash there, then I can listen to this awesomeness next time I'm trying to

  • saw through Ocha-Ken no Heya DS 4 (and yes, that's a thing that's currently on my desk).

  • So get thyself to Steam, and find thyself the eXceed collection, and worry not about

  • the pantyshots and whatnot because it's bullet hell that makes you want to run through a

  • brick wall.

I realize I kinda overuse the "pull the title card back up and stare at it in confusion"

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