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  • As you probably know, or you may not know,

  • but if you don't, now you do.

  • I have a birthday this week.

  • [CHEERING]

  • Thank you.

  • Yeah it's a big one.

  • I have decided I'm going to turn 60.

  • Yeah.

  • Because a lot of people in Hollywood put that off.

  • They don't do it but I'm going to do it.

  • I am.

  • And I'm feeling great and I think

  • it's because I try to eat healthy

  • and I exercise every day.

  • And I try to keep stress out of my life, especially

  • little things.

  • Like what are they called, kids.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • So I just had my physical and normally those results

  • would be private but since the president released

  • his last week, I thought it's only fair

  • that I do the same thing.

  • So please welcome my doctor from General Hospital, Dr. Griffin

  • Munro.

  • [CHEERING]

  • All right, thanks for being here doctor.

  • Why don't you tell everybody what your qualifications are?

  • Oh, sure.

  • Well, wardrobe gave me this lovely lab coat.

  • Props department gave me this handy heart listener.

  • Heart listener?

  • It's a stethoscope.

  • No.

  • Pretty sure it's a heart listener.

  • All right, well why don't you just

  • go ahead and read the results, tell everybody what you found.

  • OK sure.

  • You know I'd like to start by saying

  • you are in incredible shape.

  • You are as healthy as someone half your age.

  • I had no idea you were turning 90.

  • No I'm turning 60.

  • Huh?

  • My chart was upside down.

  • There we go.

  • I also found that you have fantastic reflexes

  • and your comedic reflexes are off the charts.

  • Here, I'll give you an example.

  • OK.

  • Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

  • She outgrew her B shells.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Very good.

  • Thank you, thank you.

  • Now we checked your BMI, which is good.

  • And you're still AAA, which is still covered.

  • And we did find you're still down with OPP.

  • Well you know me.

  • You know, for the next part of this test,

  • I'm going to need me to remove my shirt.

  • [CHEERING]

  • Really?

  • Are you sure that's right?

  • Ellen, please.

  • I'm a doctor.

  • [CHEERING]

  • Now for the eye exam, I'd like you to tell me

  • how many abs do I have?

  • [CHEERING]

  • One, two, three

  • What the hell is this?

  • Is this the woman that you've been seeing behind my back?

  • Yes and we are in love.

  • Why, what?

  • That's my job.

  • Yes, but it's my show.

  • [SLAPPING NOISES]

  • [CHEERING]

  • Wonderful, wonderful.

  • Happy birthday.

  • Thank you.

  • [CHEERING] That was Matt and Finola from General Hospital

  • everybody.

As you probably know, or you may not know,

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