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  • DUNKEY: Anybody got a mic?

  • KID: I do.

  • DUNKEY: Shut up, dum dum!

  • KID: No, you faggot.

  • DUNKEY: Hey! Watch that mouth!

  • KID: No!

  • DUNKEY: Do you even know who I am, kid?!

  • KID: No your name is R-- Your picture is R2-D2--

  • DUNKEY: I am Bowser from Sonic, OK?

  • KID: You're not Bowser.

  • [♫MGS2 Plant Sneaking Theme♫]

  • [TEAMMATE LAUGHING] [MUSIC CONTINUES]

  • Teammate: "It's exactly like Metal Gear"

  • DUNKEY: Dammit!

  • God--

  • [MGS2 MUSIC CONTINUES]

  • [METAL GEAR ALERT SOUND, MUSIC STOPS] DUNKEY: Oh no,

  • nonono, no!

  • [Music start again] Okay...

  • Ooh!

  • Ooh.

  • Another guy...

  • [LAUGHING]

  • "HUH?"

  • "What was that noise?"

  • DUNKEY: He still doesn't know.

  • Like taking candy...

  • FUCK!

  • No! [LAUGHS]

  • Come o--

  • TEAMMATE: Look at Chewie!

  • [CHEWBACCA CRY]

  • KID: Yeah I thought Kylo Ren was really cool until he took his mask off.

  • He's kind of a baby.

  • PLAYER: Just like you, you fuckin' troglodyte.

  • Shut the fuck up, you pre-pubescent motherfucker.

  • DUNKEY: Let's just calm down, and let's go watch my show:

  • Fresh Prince of Bel Air

  • Starring me,

  • Carlton Banks.

  • KID: You're so dumb because

  • you think that

  • umm

  • the picture--

  • that guy is Carlton Banks.

  • DUNKEY: Shut the FUCK up, kid,

  • I'll fucking kill you!

  • FANBOY: Oh my god Dunkey it's you!

  • Oh my god!

  • DUNKEY: No...

  • FANBOY: [INDISCERNABLE RAMBLING]

  • Oh my god Dunkey it's actually you.

  • CARLTON BANKS: I'm Carlton Banks

  • you stupid retard.

  • FANBOY: Dunkey just spoke to me,

  • this is the best day of my life.

  • Terrorist voice: "I am planting the bomb."

  • TEAMMATE: Oh my god Dunkey's planting the bomb.

  • DUNKEY: You gotta get out baby,

  • you gotta get out.

  • Say goodbye to your gun.

  • Say "bye bye"

  • PLAYER: Goodbye!

  • What?

  • DUNKEY: WHAT?

  • [SCREAM]

  • DUNKEY: Alright for this move

  • you shoot all the bullets outta the clip, right.

  • And then you look for a guy using the pistol.

  • And you just hand this off to him.

  • There you go.

  • And then you just shoot

  • the shit out of that guy.

  • Ooooh...

  • HEADSHOT

  • BITCH!

  • Haha! Ha...

  • Fuck you,

  • Hitler.

  • Fuck you,

  • Donald Trump.

  • Fuck you,

  • Trumpler.

  • UNCLE PHIL: Geoffrey?

  • Break out Lucille.

  • DUNKEY: Now you messed up...

  • Max sensitivity.

  • Max pain, baby.

  • Here we go.

  • Ooh I see him

  • I see him

  • oh god.

  • I cranked the sensitivity too high...

  • I can't even look at him

  • in the right direction.

  • Am I shooting him?

  • Am I killing him right now?

  • Am I shooting him in the head?

  • [YELLING]

  • Gotcha.

  • Could be a guy--

  • Ohoo ha!

  • I got him!

  • I got him I--

  • Ahh!

  • [LAUGHING]

  • AHHHH!

  • What'd you pick man?

  • OPPONENT: Rock.

  • DUNKEY: Well I picked paper!

  • Oooooh!

  • Through the fire!

  • Headshot!

  • Bitch!

  • Ooohoooo!

  • That's what I'm talking about!

  • Say cheese!

  • BOP!

  • Boing!

  • Chooo!

  • Ooooh,

  • shhhiiit!

  • Oooh!

  • Through the wall.

  • Ooohhoho

  • [EXTREMELY SLOWED DOWN] OHHHH!

  • Howdy y'all,

  • welcome to painting with the Dunk.

  • Today we're going to start off with a nice,

  • umm

  • titanium black

  • Glock.

  • We're gonna start drawing the base--

  • Excuse me,

  • excuse me.

  • One sec.

  • We're gonna start by drawing

  • the base of the head.

  • [LARRY OWENS - INTERLUDE (BOB ROSS THEME)]

DUNKEY: Anybody got a mic?

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