Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • [S] We are here in Houston, Texas

  • which we have been told is

  • the restaurant capital of the United States

  • We're gonna test that theory out today by going to the best restaurants that Houston has to offer!

  • [M] Now I'm a little concerned cuz we're jamming this all into like, one day

  • And Simon has like a really fragile, baby tummy

  • [S] Whaaat?

  • [M] So he's gonna tap out by round 3

  • [S] Girl you crazy, you tapping out by round 2!

  • [M] Bo bo bo I'm Simon! I'm full! I'm on a low-carb diet!

  • Oooh! Bo bo bo

  • [S] I'm here for meat! This is the right place for me! Right?!

  • [M] Are you kidding me?

  • YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

  • [S] YOU'RE going down!

  • [M] YOU'RE going down!!

  • [S] YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!

  • [M] You're going dooown!!

  • [S] I love you so much

  • [Both] Oooh! *kissy noises*

  • [Country-ish music~]

  • [M] So you...wait... Leigh...

  • I'm so confused...

  • [S] I'm getting all misty-eyed right now

  • [M] Okay so...

  • [S] Huh

  • [M] So we could do like... [S] Huh huh... huh huh

  • [S+M] HAHAHAHA HA

  • [M] Is this vegetable low-carb? Of course ;)

  • [Background music]

  • *drool*

  • [S] Shiner Bock!

  • Is there a place in Texas called Shiner? This is so great!

  • [S+M] Lone Star!

  • [M] It's the national beer of Texas!

  • [L] It is!

  • *Giggling gleefully at the foods and meats*

  • [S] So I got the beef brisket dinner with potato salad, some jambalaya

  • and...the most glorious piece of bread I have ever seen

  • [M] It's like a jalapeño bread [S] Cheesy, covered in jalapeño.

  • And you can't see this right now, but I'm so erect that the table is lifted up another couple of feet.

  • [M] I got the po-boy with two kinds of meat: jalapeño sausage

  • and this is the beef brisket on a french bread thingamabob

  • We also got a baked potato which seems to be filled with meat

  • [S] It's more like meat with a side of baked potato

  • [M] aaand...then we got the beef brisket. We got the...czech(?) sausage

  • [S] And the ribs [M] and the ribs with uh...jalapeño bread

  • [S] Jambalaya [M] Jambalaya and the jambalaya pinto beans

  • [M] I don't understand what I do here! [S] Oh man!

  • [M] I'm coming in, going on your side [S] Oh man!

  • [M] Okay...alright...here I go

  • [S] I'm ready...I'm ready! Share with me

  • [M] Mmm!

  • *DOTHRAKI MAN WARRIOR BITE*

  • [M] That's great!

  • [S] I love how no nonsense this is. It's not like we have

  • *cue European music* like, a reduction foam or whatnot

  • like we got good meat, we got good bread, put 'em together and eat it

  • That's how it should be!

  • How's that rib? Is that a good rib?

  • [M] You're not gonna like it

  • [S] It's a great rib! [M] Right?

  • [S] It's a great rib. [M] I know.

  • Leigh, this is a great choice! [M] Mmhmm!

  • *Thumbs up*

  • [M] Kay [S] Well done!

  • I love...living right now.

  • [M] Ha! You're gonna hate it in... ([S] I love living right now!)

  • about 20 minutes when you're like “I can't eat anymore

  • [L] Hey [S] Uhh! [L] Hey

  • [S] Huhhh!

  • [M] This can't be stop one… *in denial* [L] Yeah yeah

  • [M] *whiny* I'm full and I wanna sleep

  • What's a beignet? [S] What's a beignets?

  • [M] Is it dessert?

  • [S] Let's go for beignets… [M] Alright...let's go for beignets

  • [M] Alright we are in Crescent City...Beignet Shop...?

  • I don't know what to say about this, but I didn't even know what a beignet was

  • *high-pitched scream of horror*

  • And apparently it is a delicious, puffy, awesome-looking, freshly cooked...Look at this!

  • [S] You see how much sugar is on here? Watch this

  • *Sugar snow*

  • *Simon coughing on the sugar, Martina laughing*

  • [S] So I feel like when I'm talking

  • GOLD DUST~

  • [M] Mm'kay I understand now why there's sugar on this.

  • This is not as sweet as I thought it would be, which is great!

  • This is like, totally my style of old person food. Oh yeah!

  • [M] And then he just dump honey alllll over his beard again

  • [S] Is it impossible to get it out of my beard?

  • [M] Ohh ducky!

  • [S] I'm trying so hard

  • [M] Oh bo...with a k.o.

  • [S] I'm just a mess. I'm sticky...and my beard doesn't feel right

  • How you're s'posed to eat this?!

  • There's no civilized way

  • [L] Leigh's section...Simon's Section

  • Fellow Texans, I know you might be wondering why we took them for beignets

  • when beignets is a Louisiana food

  • SHHHH!!

  • It's okay!

  • Feel free to express your anger and displeasure in the comments section below.

  • We'll be taking notes

  • [S] THE BEIGNETS STAYS!!

  • [L] The beignets stays

  • [Laid-back music]

  • [S] Kay, let's order! [M] I'm seriously not ready yet

  • [S] Yes you are [M] No I'm not! [S] Pick one!

  • [M] Look at this! [S] Pick one!

  • [M] It's all PIE!

  • I want Strawberry Rhubarb... [S]I want Strawberry Rhubarb!

  • [M] I want the Cherry... I want the Coconut Merengue...

  • [S] I want the Merengoo… [M] I want Lemon Merengoo

  • [S] I want Coconut Cream [M] Coconut Cream...I wanna get theBayou Goo”...

  • [S] Bayou Goo... [M] I'd like to try the Bavarian Chocolate and Bavarian Banana

  • We can't do all that...Okay...

  • [M] I like the Fresh Peach...Then I'm gonna go for the Coconut Custard...followed by the Texas Pecan Fudge.

  • I will have the Key Lime after thatshortly followed by the Lemon Ice Box

  • And then I might finish that all off with a Mini Pecan Pie because I don't wanna be excessive

  • [S] I'm gonna go for the Strawberry Rubbarb

  • [M] Oh Simon

  • [S] Soozee's looks greeat.

  • That looks….legit

  • [M] Thank you!

  • [S] I got the Strawberry Rhubarb. Soozee's and Leigh's look phenomenal!

  • [M] What do ya mean Soozee's and Leigh's? These are OUR's. It's a team effort to eat all of this.

  • [S] That's a good Strawberry Rhubarb! Haven't had that flavor in so long!

  • [M] Oh my God! That's a great Coconut Cream Pie! Mmmm!

  • [S] OOOOH!! [M] RIGHT?

  • *scene repeated with extra distortion lol*

  • [M] I used to get this as a kid [S] Oh my…!

  • [M] Way, way, way, way, way, way, way back in the day [S] Okay, that's the winner so far

  • [M] Alright. Mmm..

  • [S] This one looks perfect. Look at that crust!

  • This is the nice, flakey crust

  • [M] Graham cracker

  • [S] Look how velvety smooth that is!

  • *The glory of pie renders Simon speechless*

  • [M] Uh oh... The cream pie just got out-ranked?

  • [S] The texture of it is just like...

  • becomes a...

  • a condom in your mouth

  • [M] A condom in your mouth

  • [S] It like wraps everything up, like a

  • thin sheen

  • [S] Just, all there like the

  • sinuses, are coated [M] That's amazing

  • [S] I've never had any feeling like that before

  • [M] Alright Leigh, which one's your favorite?

  • [M] Soozie says? [Simon] Icebox

  • [Soozie] Icebox [M] Icebox. Simon says?

  • [S] Coconut and then icebox

  • [M] Coconut and icebox then rhubarb then lemon meringue

  • [S] I'm so full!

  • [M] Pull yourself together!

  • [S] Stop making me eat!

  • [M] Pull yourself together man!!

  • [S] I can't do it I'm too weak!

  • [S] Now we're at Esteros Tierra Caliente

  • [S] Is that right?

  • [M] Might have nailed it

  • [S] Yes! No, there's no s.

  • [M] Oh, Simon.

  • [S] Almost. We're at Estio Tierra Caliente

  • [M] Yes it is an awesome Mexican food truck

  • [S] We've heard about it before, we've never actually been there

  • and we're really excited to try it out.

  • [M] We've definitely never been there before

  • [S] Oh that's delightful.

  • [M] Mmm

  • [M] It's like a taco

  • [S] Okay so we were there yesterday and we pretty much had everything on

  • the menu. [M] And it was amazing

  • [S] But we're ready to have it again because it was the best

  • taco truck ever.