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  • So many trailers to spoof and so little time.

  • What was our misguided solution?

  • Take pieces from all of them and create something far lesser than the sum of its parts.

  • We've dubbed it,

  • a "Trailer Trash-Up".

  • I said "dub"!

  • Not "dubstep".

  • Obviously we can't do my trailer because it's already a spoof, but:

  • We can offer you free Cable.

  • Wade.

  • The Professor wants to see you.

  • The Principal's office?

  • Dammit!

  • Colossus narc'd on me.

  • I just have one question.

  • When Cap needed help,

  • if I'd asked you, would you have come?

  • I guess we'll never know.

  • But if you had, you'd have never been caught.

  • Yeah, that's what I thought you'd s--

  • I would have killed them all.

  • And burned the airport to the ground.

  • Huh.

  • Well.

  • My loss...

  • I guess.

  • So. What's the mission for today?

  • DAAH- you know what?

  • Think I'm gonna go this one alone.

  • My name is Wade Watts.

  • My dad picked that name cos he thought it sounded like a superhero's alter-ego,

  • like Peter Parker or Bruce Banner.

  • Or Wade Wilson!

  • Who?

  • Owch!

  • What's your name?

  • Lara.

  • Surname?

  • Croft.

  • Lara Croft by name,

  • Leap Across by nature.

  • I'm leaping across!

  • Leaping...

  • is my specialty.

  • Right.

  • They're expecting you on the second floor.

  • We do have a lift.

  • You get to decide

  • what kind of king you are going to be.

  • ♪ I'm going to be a mighty king,

  • so enemies beware...

  • Please.

  • Do not sing that song.

  • What song?

  • "Your mission,

  • should you choose to accept it".

  • I wonder.

  • Did you ever choose not to?

  • You know something?

  • I don't think I ever have.

  • You're right.

  • I have got some serious vacation time saved up

  • and I am respectfully

  • declining this mission.

  • What the f***?!!

  • I heard a story about you. I was wondering if it's true.

  • Everything... you've heard about me...

  • is true.

  • You really made love to a womp rat?

  • Don't believe everything you hear.

  • Get back!

  • My family... is trapped 240 floors in the air.

  • There's a guy moving out of his apartment on floor 239 and he's

  • blocking up the elevator!

  • The guy you work for is an evil person.

  • Oh, you've said that about all my employers:

  • Norman Osborn, William Stryker, Wilson Fisk,

  • Sebastian Shaw, Baron von Strucker...

  • I think you're just jealous of my brilliant career.

  • Why can't you be more like my previous boyfriend, Erik Killmonger?

  • Today, we are politely beseeching the apocalypse

  • to postpone its scheduled appointment

  • anf allow us a reasonable extension with which to better prepare ourselves!

  • They just had to go bigger for the sequel.

  • Huh! Knife!

  • Fork!

  • Spoon!

  • Spork!

  • Spife!

  • Fife!

  • How is he throwing these in such rapid succession?

  • Hold on.

  • You gave her wings?

  • And blasters.

  • So I take it you didn't have that tech available for me.

  • Well I didn't want to start you off with more than you can handle, so I've designed these.

  • They're made from the same polyethylene foam as pool noodles,

  • so it's unlikely you'll cut yourself.

  • You won't be able to fly but you'll look intimidating.

  • And these are high pressure liquid soap dispensers.

  • Try and aim for the eyes.

  • Give you a few months to get used to the new suit,

  • and then maybe we can talk about

  • removing the training wheels.

  • In the Oasis, you can be whoever you want to be.

  • Except Batman.

  • Cos everyone wants to be Batman and they set a limit at ten million.

  • - Hey Parzival. - Hey Batman.

  • - Hey Parzival. - Hey Batman.

  • - Hey Parzival. - Hey Batman.

  • Hey Parzival!

  • I never thought I could ever be sick of Batman but

  • dang it, I am so sick of the Batman!

  • Don't freeze.

  • I never freeze.

  • Except when I went to Siberia.

  • That was...

  • really cold.

  • I remember.

  • You got very sick!

  • By the way, your moustache looks magnificent.

  • It had damn well better.

  • Course, my fraternity has refused to allow me to take off my signet ring for this movie

  • so naturally it has to be digitally removed.

  • - I couldn't tell. - Yeah.

  • I might be the only person

  • who knows what you really are.

  • When Disney promised me a "solo" movie,

  • this is not what I had in mind.

  • Daddy!

  • Tell me, how much do you love your family?

  • Well that's... difficult to quantify, I mean...

  • how long is a piece of string?

  • You could say my love for them will...

  • Die...

  • Hard.

  • I'm hearing a voice.

  • Darkness is your ally!

  • I'm gonna need Mr Drake's property back.

  • Well good.

  • Cos I don't want it around here anymore to haunt me!

  • You tell him boy-bye from me.

  • Tell me about the mission.

  • Did you...

  • see anything unusual?

  • Just this one alien.

  • He's bad news, though.

  • He gets your number,

  • books the restaurant, sends flowers...

  • But come the night...

  • he never shows up.

  • They call him the Pre-Dater.

  • I told my parents about you!

  • I've hidden an easter egg inside the Oasis.

  • Fill her up for me, laddie.

  • The first person to find it,

  • will become God!

  • It's been five years!

  • Where IS this thing??

  • I know I keep saying this, but...

  • are you sure it isn't that egg, up there?

  • Does that look like a chocolate easter egg to you, Art3mis?

  • Stop wasting my time!

  • I'll take two.

  • That'll be five thousand Euro.

  • Do you accept archaeological relics?

  • Not from first-time customers.

  • I think this will sway you.

  • These bandages were used to wrap Tutankamen's athlete's foot.

  • Rank.

  • They're priceless.

  • They're putrid. No thanks.

  • Have you got any cash?

  • I risked my life for these!

  • What is the point of all this tomb raiding if I have to give up my dream

  • of shooting people with both hands?

  • Welcome to the most advanced nation in the world!

  • Where we choose our leader based on who fights best in shallow water.

  • I cut myself every time I defeat an enemy!