A2 Basic UK 145 Folder Collection
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>> HELLO.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE ALASKA AUGUST IN LA ME AND MY MOM GOT INTO AN ELEVATOR AND
TWO WOMEN STARTED LAUGHING AT ME, PROPER BIG, AND I SAID
MADAME WHACK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT.
AND THIS WOMAN LOOKED AT ME AND SAID SUGAR, HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD
YOU YOU LOOK LIKE ELLEN.
AND YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS LAUGHTER WAS BOUNCING, MY MOM
LOOKED, THEY GOT A POINT, RUSS.
YOU LACK LIKE A CHAMPLING LESBIAN.
IT GOT STRANGER.
WE GOT INTO THE HOTEL, THEY THOUGHT THAT ME AND MY MOM WERE
A COUPLE.
HE SHE PLAYED UP TO IT FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK.
OH, I'VE NEVER HAD SEX LAKE IT.
SHE CALLED ONE OF THE WAITERS I WAS A MALE PROSTITUTE THAT SHE
GOT CHEAP BECAUSE MY EYE PRTION LAZY.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
AND IT'S VITAL TO LAUGH, ISN'T IT, WHENEVER YOU CAN TBRAB JOY
GRAB IT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS DEPRESSING.
WE LIVE IN A WORLD FULL OF MORONS, IN ENGLAND IT IS IS
TRUE, WE NO LONGER SELL KROI SANS BECAUSE PEOPLE WENT TO THE
SUPERMARKET, COMPLAINING, THEY STARTED PUTTING JAM ON
CROISSANTS, SOME PEOPLE IN ENGLAND WERE DEFEATED BY BENZI
BREAD.
>> I'M IN THE A FAN, AY, I WAS GOING LIKE, THAT AND SUDDENLY
THERE WAS JAM ON THE TABLE, SO-- HOW CAN YOU.
>> HELP, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
>> HOW DO THEY EAT BANANAS.
>> WHERE IS IT GOING?
WHERE IS IT GOING SPH ANYWAY, THAT IS WHY BREXIT HAPPENED.
YEAH.
(APPLAUSE) AND IT'S A SHAME, MAN.
WE HAVE LEFT EUROPE, SWI A MISTAKE.
YOU CAN LEARN FROM OTHER CULTURES, I WAS IN SWEDEN LAST
YEAR, DO YOU KNOW THEY EAT DEER AN REINDEER.
I SAID TO THE WAITER WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.
HE LOOKED AT ME, ONE IS RUDOLPH, IS OTHER IS BAM BY.
YOU MUST DECIDE WITHOUT YOU LOVE MORE.
>> I LOVE TRAVELING, YOU HE KNOW, IT'S WONDERFUL, I WAS IN
HONG KONG RECENTLY, DID A GIG.
TOLD MY MOM, SHE SAID OH, IN ENG ENGLISH, PROBABLY, WE HAVE KNOWN
EACH OTHER MANY YEARS.
>> WHAT HAPPENED ON THE FLIGHT ONE OF THOSES RARE MOMENTS YOU
FEEL GLAD TO BE ARRIVE.
ON THE PLANE, I HEARD THE VOICE IN THE SKY GO WILL YOU STOP
TOUCHING YOUR WILLIE.
I TURNED AROUND, FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT IT WAS GOD.
I LOOKED AROUND, THERES WITH A MOM KEL TELLING HER FOURIER
OLSON OFF, IT WAS SO FUNNY.
WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING YOUR WILTY.
THE LITTLE KID LOOKED AT HIS MOM, OH MUMMY.
I LOVE IT IT.
IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL, THAT LEVEL OF WISDOM YOU CAN'T DEAL
IT WITH, IF YOU HAD ONE OF THESE, MOM, YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE
THE DAMN THING ALONE.
I MISS MY CHILDHOOD, YOU KNOW, NOT ALL OF T I DON'T MISS,
REMEMBER THE HOURS WE SPENT PLAGUE THE RECORDER, HAVE YOU
EVER NEEDED THAT.
WILL I EVER NEED THIS.
YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN-- A-- OR SOLD IT OUT.
IN THE CORNER, OH, YEAH, DO YOU KNOW MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, YOU
KNOW I DO, BAB HEE.
BUT THAT OTHER CREEPY THINGS, THEY USED TO RUN AT YOU AT THE
PLAYGROUND, PICK A NUMBER, PUCK A COLOR, PICK A NUMBER.
>> WHAT VOO DO NONSENSE THIS IS.
>> NUMBER.
>> THREE, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> COLOR.
>> RED.
>> R-E-D.
YOU'RE A DICK.
>> WHAT I DO SIS IS THE SILLINESS.
MY BROTHER WAS A WONDERFUL, HE WAS-- THIS IS HONESTLY TRUE,
WHENEVER HE WAS LITTLE, HAPPY, HE WOULD GET NAKED.
THAT WAS HIS THING.
I WISH HE STILL DID IT IT BUT DO YOU WANT SOME TOAST.
DO YOU WANT TO GO SWIMMING?
HE ONCE GOT NAKED IN A LIBRARY.
I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE EVER BEEN HAPPIER TO SEA MY LITTLE BROTHER
RUNNING AROUND, MY DAD TRIED TO CHASE HIM.
IT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE TO QUOTE PIE DAD T IS PHYSICALLY
IMPOSSIBLE FOR A GREEN MAN TO CHASE A NAKED CHILD WITHOUT
LOOKING UNBELIEVE PLEE DODGY.
THINK ABOUT T THE ONLY WORDS YOU HAVE TO CALM STRANGERS DOWN ARE,
HE'S MINE.
WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY, AMERICA, IN THESE DARK AND
DEPRESSING TIMES, IT'S GOOD TO LAUGH AND GOOD TO BE SILLY.
WE'RE ALL DAFT SOMETIMES, I BET YOU MONEY, EVEN THE QUEEN OF
ENGLAND PULLS UP HER BED COVERS AND JUST GOES PHILIP, LOOK AT HE
ME, I'M A STAMP.
AND I LIKE TO THINK PHILIP LOOKS BACK AND JUST GOES-- THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
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Russell Howard Stand-Up

145 Folder Collection
827535785 published on September 8, 2018
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