B1 Intermediate UK 137 Folder Collection
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hello there IELTs students this episode is all about band 9 essays I found an
ex-ielts examiner and I said hey could you write out a couple of band 9
essays please and then write some commentary as to why these are so good
why these would receive band 9 so what I'll do is I'll just walk you through it
ok we're going to cover all four areas that's task response cohesion and
coherence lexical resource grammatical range and accuracy
we're going to look at all of them and I'll give you the question and I would
strongly recommend you just write down your thoughts
write down your plan and even maybe just write up the whole essay and see if you
can find any similarities or even better you could go through and start adding
the elements I'm talking about start adding these elements to your essay and
then maybe you won't even just send it in for correction so let's have a look
now the first question is there is less communication between family members of
late do you agree or disagree to what extent do you agree okay so as normal
slightly confusing question so as I said before the best way is to don't jump
into the introduction the best way is make a plan make your positions get get your
positions clear in your mind maybe think of some examples map it all out and then
transfer your map into your essay and if you're worried about that path and if you
don't know how to do that then you might want to have a look at ieltspodcast.com
and the Sentence Guide is the online course we've developed which helps you
and guides you through this exact problem because a lot of students just like ah
my mind goes blank it's empty I don't know what to do that's so common so this
is exactly why the course has a full chapter designed to deal with that
problem so let's go there is less communication between family members of
late do you agree or disagree to what extent do you agree okay so I will say I
completely disagree for example our I'd say item for this reason for this reason
this example this example okay you take maybe take a different path but
basically you just gotta get your position straight so let's go into it
let's do the introduction first as electronic devices play an increasingly
more central role in our lives it has been suggested that there has been an
unprecedented decline in interpersonal communication not only with colleagues
business associates and close friends but also with our immediate family so
there are about 1 2 3 4 5 6 points there hopefully you wrote that introduction
out and then you can identify so let's go for that let's go through it
first let's go through it as electronic devices play an increasingly more
central role in our lives increasingly ok lexical resource so what we did by
using increasingly is we avoided saying a much more central role in our lives
that's kind of basic we used increasingly ok
also the examiner said we could have used it significantly there next point
it has been suggested that what's this so grammatical range and what we're
doing here is using the passive we're going to pick up points for using a
different structure ok and this is it's kind of a useful structure
to limit it though in my opinion my personal opinion because it's a bit
clunky and it's not the clearest way to communicate
however we are doing academic we are writing act for academic English
purposes so in that respect it's it's good so there has been an unprecedented
decline okay so once again we're making our sentences richer instead of saying
there has been a decline in interpersonal communication we say there
has been an unprecedented decline okay it's more complex this kind of language
unprecedented basically means never seen before let's move on interpersonal to
decline in interpersonal communication hmm so by inter- interpersonal
communication okay but boosting our lexical resource because we're not
saying communication all the time we're using interpersonal communication we are
varying it and we're just showing the examiner that we've got extensive
an extensive vocabulary resource okay we could have also used social that as a
decline in social communication then it goes on not only with colleagues
business associates and close friends lists this is what I've been saying for
a long time list and this is from the excerpt I also examiner she said lists
are a good way to get in lots of good vocabulary to impress the examiner
I and I usually teach a good way to put in topic-specific vocabulary as well
okay but also with our immediate family once again and instead of just saying
family we're going to say immediate family and once again we're going to use
sort of like an elaboration like instead of just using family and repeating it
all the time we're gonna say immediate family who said immediate we could have
said close one's loved ones okay so variation and avoiding
repetition okay okay good so this just makes it
sounds more complex as well more sophisticated I completely agree
with this assertion okay cohesion and coherence here by using by
saying we completely agree with this assertion we're linking back we are
referring back to the idea about less communication nowadays which is what
we've been saying in a previous sentences and what the question is
asking about okay and more over okay moreover discussed markers to signpost
to the reader what is coming next and moreover this is a worrying trend
lexical resource collocation okay a worrying trend okay
and the examiner says here it is vital that the IELTS candidates know collocations
such as this one okay and because it can be used in lots of different tasks a
worrying trend okay that looks set to continue okay that might sound very
germane and normal but looks set to continue we'll help you with your
lexical resource because just using set as an adjective
okay and in this sense it means likely okay and was it that looks likely to
continue that looks set to continue okay so it's less commonly used language here
let's move on to the first paragraph I'll go through the first sentence
hopefully you'll be writing this down and maybe you want to identify the the
parts you want to identify the parts that you think would be scoring points
so let's go even though face-to-face interactions are possibly at their
lowest ever it would be foolish not to recognize the valuable role that
advanced technology plays hmm let's go through it even though
communic and communication cohesion and coherence here okay so the examiner said
although and even though they have similar meanings but even though it's slightly
stronger and is less commonly used by IELTS candidates it's good to know
face-to-face interactions so what would face-to-face interactions help with
lexical resource grammatical range well lexical resource and the reason is is
because it's a substitution for communication and as I've said a million
times before is that the IELTS examiner's do not like repetition okay
show the examiner you've got extensive vocabulary okay even though face to face
interactions are possibly at their lowest level ever it would be foolish not to
recognize the valuable role that advanced technology plays okay foolish
yeah it would be foolish not to recognize so lexical resource point and
this would help you with and you'd get points here because it's complex
language and it means stupid basically okay it would be stupid not to recognize
but obviously because this is formal academic English we do not use words
like stupid all right not to recognize the valuable role once
again lexical resource okay and again it's a useful collocation the valuable
role that advanced technology plays let's move on okay so I'll just
summarize again even though instead of although face to face were avoiding
repetition and foolish we're using slightly more advanced vocabulary
valuable role we're using collocations to help boost with the vocab so yeah
three four important points there that's continued thanks to it okay this
basically means because of as a result of unless common and this is less
comment and because okay so thanks to it we can
instantly get in touch with any individual or I can our organization at
the touch of a button okay hopefully you would have recognized that there is an
idiomatic phrase there okay and at the touch of a button means extremely
quickly the examiner here says that idioms
should be used with caution in IELTS writing but this one is acceptable is
that it but this one is an acceptable one to use and is acceptable because
it's used in the correct and appropriate situation it's not fast okay we got so
mad that regardless of times they're on a location so let's go through thanks to
it we can instantly get in touch with any individual or organization of the
touch of a button regardless of timezone or location good for example we can
follow what our friends have been doing through social media platforms such as
Facebook or Instagram therefore the rise in communication by
search methods cannot be underestimated good let's go for example we can follow
what our friends have been doing okay the present perfect have been doing so
that's going to help in a grammatical range its car okay because it's a tense
not commonly used by non-native speakers and you could also use it in your write
in your speaking okay and the examiner says here that it would impress the
examiner so take note through social media platforms such as Facebook or
Instagram good therefore now what would therefore help with so cohesion and
coherence again discuss markers are required throughout to organize the text
okay so therefore the rising communication
via such methods let's see such methods okay
the such method is referring to the social media platforms which we
mentioned before so can you see like parts of the
sentence are referring to other parts of the paragraph and this helps you build
your essay this helps you with your make sure essay cohesive and coherent and the
examiner picked up on that and duly noted that it's an important point to
pay attention to then at the end via such methods cannot be underestimated
how would that help your score in which criteria well it will help you with
grammatical range and accuracy because you're using modal passives okay help to
which help to impress the examiner let's move on next paragraph can you see how
this is all building okay we've got the signpost language we've got it all
connecting we've got examples there I've got the signpost language sorry we've
got the I said that already but we've got the collocation you've got the
lexical resource okay I'm using different tenses of range of tenses so
it's really helping to write to support the examiners grading process let's move
on nevertheless what would that help with
okay so here the examiner said to regional coherence starting the
paragraph with this word indicates that something different is going to follow
that contrasts with the previous idea so again linking it to the previous
ideas building this essay building your argument building your position
nevertheless this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing byproduct
of electronic communication could be attributed to the changes to the change
in lifestyles for the current generation mm-hmm let's go into this with more
detail this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing okay
Lexical resource means complex language meaning worrying okay by-product okay a
very useful and complex word meaning that something happens as a result of
another thing happening okay the crime is a byproduct of rising levels of
unemployment okay useful useful word again okay a
byproduct of electronic communication and could be attributed to the change in
lifestyles now in that fragment what was the point that the examiner noted could
be attributed use of modal passive to expand grammatical range okay for the
current generation once again lexical resource now he's a very valuable tip
okay in IELTS writing it is highly likely that you're going to talk about
people so knowing lots of ways to refer to them
is essential as examiner's do not like repetition so it's important to avoid it
to get a high grade in lexical resource
fantastic now for my own experience I knew this and this is why in my online
class there's whole chapters about how to avoid repetition how to use signpost
language and how to build an essay that's going to score you points so
let's carry on for instance the previous generation
once again very late I would just said that yep once again referring to people
so for instance the previous generation worked in 9 to 5 jobs 9 to 5 jobs
grammatical range cohesion and coherence no lexical resource another
idiomatic phrase ok and this means a job with regular working hours okay so for
instance the previous generation works in 9 to 5 jobs and went
home everyday to eat and chat about the day with their families good
talking out repetitions got day that twice but they the ex-examiner wrote
this I reckon it complain okay so the Millennials now listen to the sentence
because there's like one two three four five six points where you can get six
fragments which pick up points so let's go
the Millennials in stark contrast are frequently employed as digital nomads
working irregular hours and this lack of routine results in errors in the results
okay and this lack of routine results in a different way of life to our ancestors
okay so small typo ver if you get hold of the PDF of bank's nine essays but
anyway let's carry on so the Millennials lexical resource
okay and basically it means a person who became an adult around the year 2000 in
stark contrast it's in stack contrast right so not also is this fairly complex
okay and but it's just a show contrast okay and it's even more complex because
we put stark instead of saying in contrast we're saying in stark contrast
okay and they were contrasting this idea with the previous idea shows that this
is that this paragraph is a collection of sentences that all linked to each
other and the arguments are related and this is what makes the essay much more
coherent and easier to follow okay Millennials and stack contrast are
frequently employed okay let's see so our frequently void frequently employed
the passive but using the passive once again and as digital nomads
okay another new word in English meaning someone who uses technology especially a
laptop and a wireless network to work remotely from anywhere in the world
genius no okay working irregular hours and this lack of routine results in a
different way of life to our ancestors good so now hopefully you spotted that
there's another word another fragment and of the two fragments that picked up
points here we go working irregular hours and this lack of routine results
in a different way of life to our ancestors
so working reduced relative clause the full clause would be who are working
okay point and this lack of routine results in a different way of life to
our ancestors once again a different way of saying people okay to say different
way of life to other people that wouldn't have got you many points our
ancestors however boost helps you score high okay let's move on let's see so
we're going to the conclusion let's go despite communication being at its
highest level in terms of quantity the quality of this communication is
debatable two points there despite communications being so here
instead it's for cohesion and coherence again because we're kind of contrasting
the ideas despite this and basically we're saying although so if you're using
although we're immediately showing a different point of view to what we were
saying before and despite does the same task
okay and also the sentence has been made more complex because we're saying
despite communication being so here the structure is despite + verb + ing ok so
we could say despite Americans being fairly active they are however bla bla
bla ok are they are renowned for being
slightly overweight whatever that's probably false I don't know
I'm not criticizing Americans let's move on so despite communication being at its
highest level in terms of quantity the quality of this communication is
debatable so points here for the final word which is debatable complex language
meaning questionable lexical resource again moving on social media updates
complex language that isn't that is relevant to the topic social media
updates should not replace personal contact with close family members and
interactions should be encouraged by senior family members ok I'll go through
the whole sentence again at the end because is slightly longer so let's go
and so here the next point is interactions once again a substitution
for communication yeah and we're avoiding repetition again ok should be
encouraged modal passives what would the modal passage help us with grammatical
range and accuracy ok so we're showing the examiner that we
can use this tense accurately ok by senior family members all right so I
probably just butchered that a little bit I'll just do it again
so despite communication being at its highest level in terms of quantity the
quality of this communication is deep debatable social media updates should
not replace personal contact with close family members and their and
interactions should be encouraged by see here family members by setting a good
example to children such as not using gadgets at the dinner table and instead
trying to engage with their offspring in more meaningful ways wonderful wonderful
way to finish so where's the points there ok where we can in that fragment
we could say setting a good example a collocation to set a good example I
always set a good example at the dinner table by putting my phone into flight
mode for example ok collocation to children such as not using gadgets of
the dinner table and instead of trying to engage with their offspring in more
meaningful ways offspring once again we're using a variety of words and to
describe people and would be more specific or avoiding repetition were
helping the examiner give those points ok so that was the whole essay I think
my personal opinion the key points to draw from this is that we use in
idiomatic expressions ok accurately and sparingly were not stuffing them in
there all of the grammar was perfect ok obviously it's written by an exiled
examiner so it's something to aim for - there is confidence with the range of
grammar structures used and there was definitely a lot of variety with the
lexical resource ok now regarding cohesion and coherence you could see
that it was all tied together that the points were linking with each other and
together all these sentences worked the incan cohesion
ok to demonstrate and communicate a very valid point that was all on task
response there's no notes by the examiner interestingly about task
response because there was no need to it was all on topic
there was no like veering off topic talking about how Zuckerberg wants to
put lots of helium balloons around Africa blah blah blah
nothing like that because it wasn't so related okay this was all just focused
neat and organized essay that clearly got the point of test response right so
and if you want to write like that have a look at IELTS podcas.com and have
a look at the online course there it's very useful and we we teach how to do
these types of essays okay teach it daily whole cast there it's got good
solid results with success stories interview students who are successful so
have a look at that and I think you'll find a lot of value there okay have a
great day and keep studying my case summers here in Europe so you might be
tempted just to ditch your studies and go to the beach if so take your podcast
with you but ideally you'll be focusing you'll be working you'll be motivated
and remember it's just a short time a small price to pay for some big benefits
for the rest of your life okay so bear that in mind keep going you're doing
fantastic and all the best
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Band 9 EX-IELTS EXAMINER ESSAY REVIEW

137 Folder Collection
ben published on July 27, 2018
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