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  • Get this email from my agent

  • and she's like, "Yo we got an audition for you to go an audition for STAR WARS."

  • *star wars soundtrack*

  • Part of me was like, "Yo, it's bout frickin time!"

  • The other part of me was like, *anime shocked noised*

  • And they wouldn't tell me nothin,

  • they wouldn't say if it was for Disney XD, for a movie, I didn't know

  • So I'm walkin in there like *australian accent* "What's - what's my motivation, mate

  • I don't know my characters headspace, nothing."

  • Even the script was like talking in code, so

  • I didn't know where to go with this

  • Anyways, call uber. I go outside. Uber pulls up.

  • You here for Adande?

  • Yeah

  • SKKKKKRRRRRRRRRT! Ok pause, rewind, pause, play.

  • She turns around, super cute Asian girl

  • With the softest lips I have ever SEEN

  • Like bur-rahh

  • LIPS

  • She pulls off, we start talking. I'm cracking jokes, she's cracking jokes.

  • Then, I'm like, you know what?

  • I haven't eaten all day.

  • So I say to her, "Yo, is it cool if I add a location? And we can go to In and Out before you take me home?"

  • Oh yeah, of course!

  • Put in the location. We drive to In and Out.

  • The line for the drive through is wrapped around the building 57 times.

  • So we go inside.

  • Get the food and we're sitting out on a bench and I'm like

  • "Is you nervous? Or nah?"

  • "Why would I be nervous?"

  • Adande: "This is our first date."

  • "This is KIND of a big deal."

  • She takes me home, gives me her number,

  • Then about a week or two later I text her like,

  • "I don't know if you're emotionally recovered from our first date,

  • But let me know when you're ready for Date #2

  • We end up going bowling,

  • get to the bowling alley and BOOM. LIPS. Just ALL UP IN MY FACE!

  • LIPS!

  • Lowlife, I've always wondered what it would be like

  • To kiss an asian girl.

  • This girls didn't even have, you know how people's lips have the lines? This girl

  • didn't have a line, it looked like a glazed, pink,

  • Donut. So we start bowling

  • And I don't know if yall have noticed, the last 2 months I haven't been talkin bout girls

  • have to prove to somma yall that I can make videos without girls

  • bein the focus. But then now in my dm's

  • everybody like: "WE WANT RATCHET GIRLS"

  • ok here's about to get a little ratchet, ok?

  • the moral of the story at the end of this video.

  • So shes bowling and I'm beating her and then she's like:

  • OK, no. I'm sucking right now because I'm sober

  • Normally, I have a little bit of alcohol in my system.

  • Oh?

  • OK well let's make it interesting then.

  • Every time I get a strike, you gotta take a shot

  • Every time you get a strike, I gotta take a shot.

  • But my limit is 4

  • 4 is my limit too.

  • Ball 3x

  • She gets a strike.

  • I take a shot.

  • Ball 3x

  • I get a strike.

  • She takes a shot.

  • Here's some live footage no clickbait.

  • So she bowls, she walks by me, and then touches my inner thigh

  • Part of me, I was like:

  • Yo it's 'bout frickin time

  • The other part of me was like:

  • *weird gibberish*

  • So we keep bowling by the time we leave, I've had three shots, she's had four shots.

  • I only live 6 blocks away from the bowling alley

  • So we're walking and then she starts leaning on me and a few seconds later this girl falls over and goes to sleep

  • so I'm looking around, and I got 3 blocks to go

  • So I pick her up in my arms

  • *DUN* AND II

  • It's one thing when you're carrying them with your arms around your neck

  • When they're dead weight, IT'S NOT EASY

  • So I get, like a block and a half, and this girl walks up to me like,

  • *KAHEM* EXCUSE ME, WHERE ARE YOU GOING

  • Home.

  • *Scoffs* No you're not

  • who is this girl?

  • My friend.

  • PUT HERDOWNRIGHTNOW

  • I put her down and she's like

  • hundi, hundi, wake up hundi, do you know this boy

  • Do you know him?

  • Squeeze my finger if this is your friend

  • *Whispers* She squeezed it

  • Hundi, hundi, solve this Rubix cube in under 10 seconds if this boy is your friend

  • State your business, what are your intentions with this girl?

  • I'm just trying to get home....

  • K?

  • Uhh I don't know if I can carry her anymore, I got an idea tho.

  • How about you guys stay here, thats my building like a block away

  • I'm gunna get a cart and bring it back, and then I can wheel her back to my place

  • UHNUNUNUNNUNO

  • You're, we're, you're not going anywhere

  • You wait here, Alfred!

  • go to his building, get the cart

  • Shoutout to this girl, cuz, yeah she's giving me total attitude, but, she's tryna protect a total strange girl that she doesn't know

  • So we get the cart, I push her over to my building,

  • we go up to my room, get her in the bathroom, and this girl just starts throwing up EVERYWHERE

  • Like BLEHHH

  • On the walls, on the floor, on the sink

  • Okayyyy, kinda missed the toilet all together but it's whatever

  • We get life alert on the phone, like

  • Uhhhhh

  • She probably ain't gon make it.

  • So, I get a bunch of towels come back, and I go Fortnite on her

  • Like I start building a fort, so even if she wakes up and starts throwing up, we're good

  • I hop in bed, I go to sleep, I wake up the next day

  • This girl's GONE

  • Walk out to my kitchen, I look at my iPad and she wrote a letter in my notes

  • Here's the actual letter, live footage no clickbait

  • Uh, we're really good friends now, we didn't get to kiss on that date

  • However, comma, she came over a month later and we made out for like two hours

  • Finally got to kiss an asian girl, 10 outta 10 IGN would recommend

  • *sound effect*

  • *Outro music*

Get this email from my agent

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