I feel like I never left.

I really think I know this city like the back of my hand.

I really do.

Yeah, but are you really sure about that?

I mean, you haven't lived here in a while.

Andy, I don't think that matters.

I think, I think nobody knows more about

New York City than I do.

I think I really do.

I think the city's in my blood.

Nobody!

There's not a single person in the world who could

know more about New York City than I do!

Really?

Yes!

Really!

Well, Conan, then you should have no trouble passing

the just invented New York City Citizenship Test

administered by New York's own, the one,

the only, Mr. Jon Stewart.

(audience cheering)

Lovely to see you.

Thank you so much.

Wow.

How are things going in that 1940s gas station

you're working in?

I'll tell ya, it was going great,

but there's been a terrible traffic jam

with this giant ginger-haired rat in

(laughing drowns out speech)

and it has caused a huge back up.

I don't know, it's this town, man.

Oh, New York City, what can you do?

It's this town.

New York City is this town.

By the way, you don't lose your citizenship of New York

when you leave it.

You are always, and will always be a citizen of New York.

That being said, you don't know shit about this place.

And you never did.

Never did?

And I've got a quiz that I think can prove--

You know what?

Jon, your quiz does not frighten me.

Perhaps it's because you wrote it.

So, let's...

Let's get to--

I might have something to do with it.

And co-wrote it, yeah.

I'm ready, I'm ready.

Same way how I did the SATs.

Let's get back into the premise, here we go.

Let's get back into the premise, here we go.

Conan, I've got a question for you,

let's start simple.

Okay.

Conan--

Why do yo look at me when you say simple?

That was very insulting what you did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's start simple meaning just love between two people.

Okay.

Conan O'Brien, how many boroughs are there

in New York City?

Easy, five.

(dinging)

I'm gonna do this like there's only one

question on each card.

Yeah.

Even though that's not the truth.

Yeah, that's okay.

Conan, what's the population of Manhattan?

Easy, 1.6 million.

(dinging)

I just wanna make it very clear,

no one has any (bleeping) idea how many people

are in Manhattan.

They don't have any idea, it's a completely made up thing.

Alright, what New York City institution

holds representatives of more than 193 nations?

The F train.

(dinging)

You do know the city.

Now here's one, this is a bit of arcane trivia.

He's done very well up to now.

Why is the mayor's residence called Gracie Mansion?

Because the house was originally the home

of early American businessman Archibald Mansion.

(dinging)

We can edit that one.

Alright.

I can't imagine what you'll say to this.

Where in New York City is the ball dropped every year?

City Field.

(dinging)

Isn't it interesting how quickly

a good audience can turn into

a meth fueled zombie apocalypse.

Complete this New York City proverb,

if a crowded subway has one seat free...

There you'll find a homeless man's pee.

Yes.

(dinging)

You're getting these all right.

Every single one.

Name the very famous New York resident,

you do this one.

Name the very famous New York resident

who won the 2016 New York election.

Hillary Clinton.

(dinging)

Right.

They turned on you and now they're back.

They would've ripped you limb from limb.

Honestly, one more New York Mets reference

they would've ripped you limb from limb

they would've ripped you.

They would've and--

And lipped me, yeah.

And lipped you.

Cut out your brains and eaten it.

Which I prefer.

But now they're back.

You knew you were back in New York, Conan O'Brien, when?

When I saw Pizza Rat get into an Uber Black.

(dinging)

Here's a series of questions that I think

you'll find very amusing.

Okay.

Give the appropriate New York response to the following

situations, you're almost hit by a cab.

I'm walkin' here!

(dinging)

You're Christoper Walkin.

I'm walkin' here!

(dinging)

You're a plumber applying waterproof sealant

to a bathtub?

I'm caulkin' here!

(dinging)

By the way I...

Applauding your ability to rhyme.

What is the best way to get

a child into a Manhattan pre-school?

Has the child been born?

Yes, he has.

It's already too late.

(dinging)

Now, this one is a little more difficult.

Okay.

This one is something that is gonna have to be

written in red if you're gonna be able to read it.

I'm gonna give you a hypothetical news story

and I want you to tell me what the New York Post

headline would be.

Okay, I can do this.

Really fake concentrate.

Yeah.

Trump fires special council Robert Mueller.

Bye-bye Bobby.

(dinging)

Mayer de Blasio mired in a corruption scandal.

Mayor McSleaze.

(dinging)

Thomas Keller's new Vietnamese restaurant opens

to poor reviews.

Vietnam nom-noms by Tom bomb.

(dinging)

That was an amazing one.

Come on.

This is a man who earns millions of dollars.

Hundreds of thousands.

What is the name of the pastry that combines

a croissant with a donut?

A cronut.

(dinging)

What is a croissant combined with a muffin?

A cruffin.

(dinging)