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  • Okay.

  • Monday, let's go.

  • Hey Brennan, you feeling okay?

  • Yeah, you seem a little under the weather.

  • What's that?

  • Like, you seem sick.

  • That's true, yeah, I'm sick as a dog.

  • Fuckin' work dog dude, let's do it.

  • Let's shred it this week guys, turn and burn it.

  • If you're sick, you should go home.

  • Go home, come on guys, it's the flu.

  • A little flu never hurt anybody.

  • The flu has killed millions.

  • Handedly untrue.

  • Yeah, you should go home.

  • I hear your concern, appreciate it.

  • Guys, here's the deal (burp) oh god.

  • I'm not one of these little babies that has to call in sick from home, I'm... (sneezes blood)

  • God, fuck! Go to the hospital!

  • Nope, callin' 911.

  • Go home or I'll kill you.

  • It's fine, this isn't half as much blood as yesterday.

  • Fever's broken, I can see again, I...

  • Ahhhhhhhhhhh, oh it's burning!

  • What is that Xenomorph spit? Why is it burning?

  • You think it's so heroic to stay and work in the office but really you're just putting everyone else in danger.

  • The only thing I'm in danger of is giving 110%.

  • Oh god dude your eye!

  • Your eye, your eye, your eye.

  • Go home!

  • It's fine, five second rule.

  • Fuck you.

  • You need to use a sick day you're putting everyone here at risk.

  • At risk, what are you talking about?

  • What ever happened to walking it off?

  • My ancestors couldn't call in sick when they were building railroads and fighting Nazis.

  • Your ancestors died of preventable diseases all the time.

  • Okay, let's call it a compromise.

  • Look I'll wrap myself up in my little blankie, I'll take a little shot of hot sauce.

  • I'll take a couple cloves of garlic.

  • Then I'll squirt some lemon juice in my eyes.

  • Okay, I'll take a space heater and I'll sit on it.

  • Oh, there we go okay and now just sweat it out.

  • - Oh god Brennan get up! - Brennan!

  • Brennan get up, get up, get up!

  • Normally that works.

  • Go home!

  • I can't, you guys are depending on me for my comedy scripts, I can't leave you guys hanging.

  • You just started working here.

  • And when you're sick, your work suffers.

  • No it doesn't.

  • Interior Brennan dada, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me.

  • Okay it's a little unpolished, but I think there's a kernel of ...

  • No!

  • Is he dead?

  • Yeah as a doornail bitch.

  • Hi, is this HR?

  • Yes, okay, so I was calling 'cause a sick employee refused to go home but now I'm calling 'cause there's been an office incident with a knife.

  • Yes, it was Katie.

  • You were fucking dead.

  • Hey guys are we still meeting at 3:00?

  • Yes.

  • Cool, I'll be there.

  • How is this possible?

  • Well Trep, I guess I'm just not one of the little babies that has to call out of the meeting just any old time that I see grip of death stops the beating of their heart.

  • I have a few extra pitches today, I'm happy to go at the end.

  • Hey guys it's Brennan from College Humor.

  • Click here to subscribe, click here for more fun stuff and please keep watching because if you stop watching, I start to vanish, you get it?

  • I'm not really real, I'm just a thing in your screen.

  • Ahh, don't forget me!

Okay.

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