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  • IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON TO OUR NEXT SUBJECT -- SEX!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT WAS A TRICK.

  • NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOUR ATTENTION: PORNOGRAPHY!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE LEARNING A LOT MORE ABOUT

  • WHAT CLICKS PEOPLE'S HYPERLINK, THANKS TO ONE OF THE LARGEST

  • PORN SITES, WHOSE NAME I'M NOT ALLOWED SAY.

  • AND THIS IS TRUE.

  • CBS DOES NOT WANT ME TO SAY IT, AND I UNDERSTAND THAT.

  • AFTER ALL, IT IS A BIG HUB FOR PORN.

  • IT RHYMES "CORN SCRUB," WHICH IS ACTUALLY A POPULAR GENRE OF

  • VIDEO ON THAT WEBSITE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IN A MOVE PEOPLE ARE CALLING

  • THE KINSEY REPORT OF OUR TIME, THE SITE HAS ANALYZED A DECADE'S

  • WORTH OF USER DATA, GRANTING US AN UNUSUAL PEEK INTO THE

  • INTERNET'S COLLECTIVE ID.

  • THIS REPORT IS FULL OF FASCINATING DETAILS, INCLUDING

  • THE FACT THAT USER RUSTY GOLDMAN OF DAYTON, OHIO IS INTO SOME

  • PRETTY FREAKY STUFF.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, RUSTY, JUST REPORTING THE

  • NEWS.

  • ACCORDING TO THE DATA, IF YOU WATCHED ALL OF THE VIDEOS ON THE

  • SITE END TO END, IT WOULD TAKE YOU 173 YEARS.

  • THOUGH, OF THOSE 173 YEARS, MOST PEOPLE ONLY WATCH THE FIRST TWO

  • MINUTES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE REPORT SHOWS THAT THE

  • ELECTION PLAYED A BIG PART IN PEOPLE'S PORN SEARCHES.

  • FOR EXAMPLE, ON ELECTION NIGHT, OVERALL U.S. PORN TRAFFIC GREW

  • 10% AFTER DONALD TRUMP OFFICIALLY WON THE PRESIDENCY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THAT ELECTION ONLY

  • HAPPENED BECAUSE THE RUSSIANS SEARCHED FOR "NAIVE BLONDE

  • WILLING TO DO ANYTHING."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, WHEN RUMORS OF A "PEE

  • TAPE" INVOLVING DONALD TRUMP FIRST SURFACED, SEARCHES FOR

  • "GOLDEN SHOWERS" SPIKED BY 289%.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

  • BUT I'M PRETTY SURE MOST OF THOSE SEARCHES WERE MY RESEARCH

  • DEPARTMENT.

  • I REALLY WANT TO FIND THAT TAPE.

  • THIS DATA ALSO GETS INTO SPECIFICS BY STATE, SUCH AS THE

  • FAVORITE GAY SEARCH TERM.

  • IN ARIZONA IT'S "CHOLO", IN OKLAHOMA IT'S "COWBOY," AND IN

  • NORTH DAKOTA IT'S "GAY BEEF" WHICH GETS EVEN MORE CONFUSING

  • WHEN YOU LEARN THAT, IN NORTH DAKOTA, "GAY BEEF" IS WHAT THEY

  • CALL CHICKEN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TRY THE BUFFALO GAY BEEF.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) BUT SOME OF THE MOST FUN DATA

  • THEY RELEASED WAS THIS MAP OF EACH STATE'S MOST MISSPELLED

  • SEARCHES INCLUDING "LESIAN," "LESBIAM," "LEBSIAM," "ANATUR,"

  • "STEP MON" AND, THE MOST COMMON, "PORM."

  • WHICH IS LIKE PORN BUT WITH A PARMESAN BREADING.

  • TRY THE GAY BEEF PORM.

  • SO DELICIOUS!

IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON TO OUR NEXT SUBJECT -- SEX!

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