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(gentle mesmerising music)
- Hello everyone and welcome
back to English With Lucy.

Today, I've got a slightly
more personal video for you.

But as we always talk
about self-improvement

and confidence and how
to be a better student

and things like that, I
thought I would share with you

some of my experiences
that I believe made me

a better person and in some
cases, a better student

and a better teacher.
Now, this video is fully
subtitled and will be

an excellent listening
practise, especially

if you want to practise with
the British English accent.

Remember, these are my
opinions and my experiences.

You may not agree with them and that is
absolutely fine.
I completely welcome
constructive criticism

so, feel free.
And if you've got something
else you'd like to share,

don't be afraid of your grammar.
Don't be afraid of your spelling.
Just go for it.
Let's make this a discussion.
The first thing that helped me become
a better person and also a
better student and teacher,

especially in this one, and that is,
realising that everybody
learns in different ways.

Completely different ways.
And this has helped me
in my teaching career

because I've realised that I can't set
the same exercise for absolutely everyone
and expect the same results.
It's also helped me as a student
because I'm always learning things,
but especially when I
was a University student.

I realised that I am terrible at exams.
Really, really, really bad.
I'm great at early morning
cramming for an exam.

I've got great temporary retention,
but that's not really learning anything.
That's just retaining information
for a short period of time.
So I've had to work
around that and I realised

I have to do things in a practical way.
Now, unfortunately, much of our lives
as students is completely
dominated by exams.

So, we can't always find
a way to avoid them.

The best way to deal with that is finding
the best possible way for
you to get the best possible

result, which might
sound obvious but looking

at that in a very specific
way really, really

helped me.
For me, I found that talking about answers
and talking about ideas was way, way, way
more effective than just
sitting and reading a page.

So my English With Lucy subscribers
who come here to learn English, you guys
have found out that you might prefer
having a teacher actually
explain something to you

rather than reading grammar books,
which I think is fantastic.
So, well done.
Now, number two refers to relationships.
And not just romantic relationships,
but it does work with that.
But also friendships,
professional relationships,

student-teacher relationships, and it is,
so, so important and
it's helped me through

so much potential heartbreak
and potential hurt.

And that is the realisation
that it's not just about

finding the right person, it's also about
being the right person.
So take a look at
yourself and ask yourself,

are you acting in the best possible way
that you could be acting?
Are you being the best possible partner
or friend or co-worker?
And if you're not, look
at correcting that first,

before you go and criticise
or start arguments.

Now, number three links to number two.
It's more directed towards women
and if you haven't noticed,

I'm a woman and I suffer
from really bad PMS.

So I get pretty down a certain
point in my monthly cycle.

And I think part of my
duty of being a really good

partner and a good friend
and a good co-worker,

although I work alone, okay.
is understanding my own
hormones and understanding

why I feel a certain way.
So, when I feel particularly bad,
I feel very, very short...
Not short-tempered, because
I never raise my voice,

but I feel very easily annoyed.
If somebody's talking to me for too long,
I want to interrupt them
and change the subject.

I'm not very sympathetic.
I'm more likely to say
things that I might regret.

I really do think it's
my duty to understand,

to predict when I'm going to feel that way
and also to work out
why I'm feeling that way

in the moment, because in the moment,
when I feel angry, I never think, ah,
it must be my hormones.
I always think, ugh, I'm
just having a really bad day.

So, I've found the perfect solution.
And it's actually an app
and I contacted the app

myself to see if they'd
want to sponsor the video

and they did which is so lovely of them.
And the app is called
Clue and it's basically

a menstruation cycle tracker.
So every single day of
your cycle, you put in

how you're feeling, what's
going on down there,

and over time, you start to see patterns.
It's a gorgeous, simple app and I know
at a certain point in my cycle,
I am likely to feel frustrated or annoyed.
So before I send a angsty
email or before I tell

my boyfriend that he's
doing something wrong,

I like to just look at the app.
Is it my time of the month?
And if it is, it really takes
a weight off my shoulder

and I can try extra, extra
hard to beat those feelings

and to be a nice person that day.
Also another amazing new feature actually,
you can share your cycle
with your friends, family,

and partner, so you don't
even have to explain

yourself, they can just check
and see how you're doing

and where you are in your cycle.
It can also send you
reminders like take your pill

or your period might start.
So it's a really, really,
really useful little

piece of software that
I recommend absolutely

to everyone and I'm so
touched that they wanted

to sponsor this video
cause it's something that

I was already using and love it.
So thank you, Clue.
If you'd like to check it
out, you can download it

for free, the link is
in thee description box.

The next one, number four
is learning to respect

and value every single
culture and religion.

I'm going to be very, very honest now.
When I was younger, I wasn't
a very respectful person.

When I was like 11 to 14, I was brought up
in an atheist family.
We didn't have religion in our family
and so I never really
understood why people would

be religious and so I
wasn't very respectful

of religions and I had never really seen
another culture so I
wasn't very respectful

of that either.
And I realised growing older how important
it is to try and understand,
to always respect,

and also just to learn more about it.
That you can lose anything
from learning more

about someone else's culture.
Living in Spain taught me
so much about amazing food,

amazing people, amazing language,
but it also taught me
about their religion,

they're a predominantly Catholic country.
And I remember going with my ex-boyfriend
and seeing these Catholic processions
and at first I was a bit
like, this is so boring,

but actually seeing the
emotional connection

between the people and the processions,
really moved me.
That's why it always saddens me
when I get messages like,
how dare you drink alcohol or how dare you
not believe in God.
Respect me and my wishes and my beliefs
and my culture and I will
always respect yours.

If somebody's doing something
that you really can't

understand, try and learn more about it.
Try and see where they're coming from
and listen to their point-of-view.
Now number five is one that's going to get
a few of you gasping and
this is getting up early.

Getting up early has made me a machine.
I am so productive when I get up early.
Hear me out because I know a lot of us
appreciate our sleep
and on most days, I do.

When I have a lot of work to do,
which it goes in ebbs and flows.
Sometimes I will have two weeks
where I can get up at 7:30, 8:00,
go on a run and have a
really chilled morning

for two weeks at at time.
But sometimes I have deadlines,
I have loads of work,
I have to be in London

during the day so in the
morning I have to get

everything else done.
It may look on the
outside like I just put up

a couple of videos every now and again,
but I promise you it's
a lot more than that.

I learned to get up really, really early.
Especially in the summer months.
The sun rises at 4:30 in the morning.
It's amazing.
So I can get up with the sun
and have a really, really

long day.
I will get up anywhere
between 4:30 and 7:30.

And if I get up at 4:30 in
the morning and most people

start work at 8:30, I feel like I've won
four hours of productivity.
But, I don't carry on working until 6:00
in the evening.
I finish at 3:00 or I finish at 4:00
and then I can do loads of
things with my afternoon.

And so shifting my body
clock has been amazing

for my social life and
for my work life as well.

One thing you do have to learn to do is
go to bed early and I
know this isn't possible

for everyone, but I'm an absolute advocate
for the early bird lifestyle.
Night owls can do their thing, but for me,
there's nothing better
than starting the day

as you mean to go on
and then just chilling

quite early on in the afternoon.
And I absolutely love that.
Number six is quite a deep topic.
I'm not going to go too deep into it
because there are just
some parts of my life

that I don't need to
share on the internet,

but it is about moving away
from toxic relationships

and people who do not treat you how you
deserve to be treated.
It's very easy to talk about this now
because I've stepped away from my negative
and horrible relationships.
But when I was in those relationships,
I was really, really caught up in them
and I wasn't listening to those around me.
You know, sometimes your
own intuition isn't enough.

Sometimes you need to
listen to those around you.

If you are in a relationship
and your friends

don't like your partner,
your work mates don't like

your partner, your parents
don't like your partner.

It's only you and only you
get to see the good side

of him, just take a
moment to listen to them.

They can see things from
a different perspective

and they might be seeing things
that you can't see yourself.

A romantic relationship should add value
to your life, it should
take nothing away from it.

It should not take away your freedom.
It should not take away your independence.
It should not take away your self-worth.
It should not take away your
hopes and dreams either.

Right now, I am in a
beautiful, happy relationship.

Every single day is fantastic and I cannot
believe I once went through a relationship
that was so completely,
utterly, starkly different

until the relationship I'm in now.
It blows my mind.
I was so naive and I was so young.
So if this video just makes one person
stop and think about their relationship,
if it's not adding more
than it's taking away,

is it worth it?
Is it?
I don't think it is, but
that's for you to judge.

Everyone knows their own
situation and I know how hard

it is to leave a negative relationship.
Suffering is temporary,
time heals so well,

and something positive
will come out of the blue

and it will hit you in
the face and sweep you

off your feet.
My boyfriend's never hit me in the face
but he has swept me off my feet.
And that is all I'm
going to say about that.

My next point, point number seven
is another thing that
I've learnt and that is

that having a handful, like barely even
a fistful of very, very
close and special friends

is so much better than
having a massive group

of meaningless friends
that you can make loads

of plans with.
As a child, I never used
to feel like I fitted in

with big groups of girls.
It would be okay for awhile.
I felt like somebody I wasn't,
just to fit in and everybody would love me
and thought I was hilarious and then
I just couldn't keep up the act.
And it would always dissipate,
they would lose interest in me.
It was something I always
beat myself up about.

I looked at girls going
away on group holidays

together and having an amazing time
and I just feel like,
what's wrong with me?

Why does no group of girls want to be
on holiday with me?
I'd love to like go on
like girls Christmas meals

and stuff like that.
But as I've got older, I just realised
that that's not what I want and that's not
who I am.
I have a couple of very,
very special friends.

One is my mum.
My mum is my best friend.
But if I sit down and try and count
the people that really,
really matter to me,

I mean, they can fit on one hand.
I mean, one you will all know is Ali,
he is such an important person in my life.
He's relatively new but
he's one of my first

points of call whenever
something goes wrong.

But yeah, realising that having a massive
group of friends and having loads of group
pictures on Facebook and Instagram
isn't what I want and it isn't what's
going to make me happy in the long run.
Having really important
friendships and long-lasting

relationships that you can depend on,
that is what makes me happy.
My next one is learning to enjoy things
because of contrast.
Learning to enjoy positive things
because you've experienced
the negative things.

But I think the same goes
for any negative feeling.

I enjoy earning a good income now.
I earn a good income.
The income makes me happy and if fulfils
all of my needs, but, I'm only happy
being financially stable now because
in the past I was really, really poor.
I remember going to a supermarket,
as a student with like my pockets full
of five p and two p
coins and I counted out

to exactly 18 pounds, picked exactly
the products I needed from the supermarket
so that I could hand over this 18 pounds
in like all this change and just be done
with the embarrassment.
But I miscalculated,
there was some sort of

offer that I hadn't taken into account.
It didn't go through.
I didn't have enough money and then
the checkout lady insisted on counting
every single coin and
the people behind mem

were getting really annoyed
and it was so embarrassing.

But I'm so glad that I went through that
because now I'm financially stable.
I don't think I would
appreciate it as much

as I do now if I hadn't
have been poor before

and it's actually something that I learned
from my granddad.
He said we've been
richer, we've been poorer,

he prefers being rich
but only after being poor

and I think that goes for everything.
I enjoy having friends
now but only because I've

been lonely.
I enjoy my fantastic relationship now,
but only because I had
a terrible one before.

I enjoy being fit and
healthy and being able

to run so far every day, but only because
I had glandular fever
and ME for two years,

two years, I was literally unable
to move for one year and another year
of recovery after that.
And right now I feel amazing and so full
of energy because I have
that negative experience

to compare it to.
Number nine, this is something that I
never mentioned before and I'm hopefully
never going to have to mention it again.
Number nine is not retaliating to bullies.
I am a girl on the internet.
I am going to receive horrible messages.
It's a given.
What I didn't expect when I joined
this internet family is that I was going
to receive targeted attacks and
I've had a couple now.
I've had a couple now and they are only
what I can describe as bullying.
Luckily, I'm feeling pretty strong
right now, but I think if it had hit me
when I was younger I
don't think I would've

reacted in the same way.
The best thing that I ever
did and the best thing

that I actually did do was not retaliate.
This is what worked for me.
It might not work for everyone.
If you're being bullied
that person is obviously going through
a really, really tough time
for them to, they're not living
a normal, happy life if
they are attacking you.

So, if I get bullied, I don't want to
respond to that because I don't want to
make them feel even worse.
I don't want them to become more agitated.
I also don't want to be
responsible for anything

that they do to themselves
out of the grief

that I might have caused
them by my response,

or to me as well.
You don't want to antagonise them further.
So what I would do, if I
were you and what I did do

in my case is, flag it.
I flagged the issue with everyone
who needed to know.
I ignored it, it got a
bit worse for a little bit

and then it just went away.
Now, if it doesn't go away,
that's when you need to take some action,
but consider trying
ignoring something first.

Now, my last point, number 10.
The thing that's made me
become a better person

and also a better student and obviously
a better teacher, that
goes without saying,

is teaching.
Yes, oh, my God, teaching is amazing.
You are giving back.
You are passing over knowledge.
What you are giving is valuable
and it makes you feel so
much better because you

are making everyone else
feel so much better.

Helping people improve
their language skills

makes me feel amazing, in a completely
selfish way, but also, I
know it's making loads of

other people feel amazing.
I know that when people
walk out of my class

feeling, when people
walk out of my classes

or watch my videos and afterwards feel
more confident or I get little messages
of people feeling or I
get messages from people

saying they managed to
hold a conversation,

that they spoke to the
person that they fancied,

that they passed their exam
with a really high grade.

I feel so proud of them and
I feel so happy for them

because I just can imagine
the smile that they've got

on their face.
From a selfish point
of view, teaching makes

you know your subject so much better.
Before I started teaching, I knew nothing
about grammar.
Now I know a lot about grammar.
Teaching builds my curiosity.
I was speaking to a graphic
designer called Charli Marie,

she's got a YouTube
channel, she's fantastic.

I was on a panel with
her and she was saying,

sometimes she learned something new
about graphic design
and she just can't wait

to go home and make a
video about it because she

wants to spread and share this knowledge
and I get that totally.
Teaching makes me want to learn more.
It makes me a better
student because I understand

where the teacher's coming from.
I understand what the
teacher's trying to achieve

when they're explaining something to me
or setting up a specific exercise.
And it's made me a better person,
because I really understand
people's learning styles.

I know why they do specific things.
I'm not excellent at
connecting with people

on a social level.
Sometimes it feels quite forced.
But when I'm teaching,
I know that that social

connection is for a reason.
All right guys, that is
it for today's video.

It was a much more
personal one than usual.

I hope you enjoyed it and I hope
you understood everything.
I'll mention it again, there are subtitles
and also, if you look
in the description box,

there's also a link to contribute subtitle
translations, so you can
represent your language.

Don't forget to check out Clue as well,
the fabulous app that
has sponsored this video.

It's really improved my life.
I've been shouting about it to my friends
and family for ages and I just thought
it would fit so well into this video
so I did get in contact
with them and they were

so sweet to accept, so thank you to Clue.
The link for the free download
is in the description box.

Don't forget to connect with
me on all of my social media.

I've got my Facebook.
I've got my Instagram.
And I've got my Twitter.
And I will see you soon
for another lesson.

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10 things that made me a better person (I wish I knew at the time) #Spon

678 Folder Collection
許大善 published on April 6, 2018
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