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  • Riley: We may make this LOOK easy...

  • Jory: And trust us- it IS!

  • Jon: You still shouldn't try it at home, though.

  • Whatchu know about "Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.

  • And I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain. Hey, let me ask you something- are you a man?

  • Jon: Yes.

  • Riley: I mean, a REAL man?

  • Jon: Yeah, I just said that.

  • Riley: Say, "HELL, yeah!"

  • Jon: HELL, yeah!

  • Riley: Then you LOVE bacon! Tell me you love bacon!

  • Jon: I love bacon!

  • Riley: Then you're gonna add bacon to EVERYTHING, like your microwave!

  • Jon: Oh, yeah!

  • Jory: Add bacon strips!

  • Riley: You wanna add bacon strips to YOUR microwave, don't you, Jory?

  • Jory: Add bacon strips!

  • Riley: Do you wanna see a microwave strip FOR you, baby?

  • Jory: Yeah, I do!

  • Riley: I REALLY like you!

  • Riley: BACON, in the microwave!

  • *theme song plays*

  • Jory: It smells like victory!

  • Jory: All hands to the deck!

  • Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!

  • Jory and Jon: WHOA!

  • Jory: You got that on camera, right?

  • Riley: I don't trust this bitch!

  • Jon: Are you out of your mind?!

  • Jory: The masks- they do nothing!

  • Riley: You TOTALLY could have died!

  • Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!

  • Jory: Stopping, stopping!

  • Riley and Playlist Live crowd: 3.5!

  • Jon: YEAH!

  • Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?

  • Jory: Let's find out! Here at the...

  • Jory and Riley: ...Jory Caron Microwave Laboratory 3.5, safety is our #1 concern.

  • Jory and Riley: That's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts!

  • *Jory and Riley both take a deep breath*

  • Jory: We also have a fan to... (coughs) Air or somethin'! I don't know!

  • Riley: Who's THIS?!

  • Jory: And the new microwave. It's an Emerson microwave. It's Emily!

  • Riley: Emily- 900 watts!

  • Jory: And look- bacon! Bacon, 900 watts! So...

  • Riley: Alright! (reading Emily's label) "For service, please e-mail us at Internet@EmersonRadio.com."

  • Jon: I worked on Emerson Radio!

  • Jory: (to Riley) What was that thing?

  • Jory: How long should we put it in there for?

  • Riley: What year did you graduate, Jon?

  • Jon: Twenty-oh-eight.

  • Jory: Uh, let's do...

  • Jon: Put it in there for 8:08, then. Sounds good to me! Let's do it!

  • *sizzling bacon in frying pan*

  • *Jory starts Emily*

  • Jon: Add bacon strips!

  • Riley: Add bacon strips!

  • Jory: Ooh! Look at that hole!

  • Riley: Nice and warm!

  • Jory: Maple-flavored.

  • Riley: My meat's gonna explode in her!

  • *Jory and Riley laugh*

  • Jory: I have a meat log!

  • Jory: NO meat is better than bacon- fact!

  • Jon: If you don't like bacon, there's something wrong with you!

  • Jory: Best memories involving bacon- go!

  • Jon: I had, like, some maple wood-smoked bacon and turkey one Thanksgiving. It was pretty much the greatest thing I've ever eaten.

  • Jory: First time I had sex- bacon! (to Riley) Go!

  • Riley: This is gonna smell, yeah?

  • Jon: I hope it smells like bacon. If it smells like bacon, I have no problem with it smelling.

  • Jory: It's probably gonna smell like burnt plastic, too.

  • Jon: Shut your face! Let me have this moment!

  • Jory: But you need to do that to retain the juices. Bacon is, like, a certain portion of the pig. Do humans have a certain portion that's kinda like human bacon?

  • Jon: Definitely the thighs, dude.

  • Jory: Is it the thighs?

  • Jon: Definitely.

  • Jory: Where is bacon on a pig? It has to be, like, the fattiest rump part.

  • Jory: Oh, oh!

  • Riley: There's the smoked part. Oh! The bag is very large, I know.

  • Jory: Kinda like me?

  • Jory: (singing) "Backbeat, the word is on the street..."

  • Jory and Riley: (singing) "...that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt."

  • Jory and Riley: (singing) I wanna eat some bacon strips. Get them in my mouth!

  • Jory: (singing) Or else I'll die! Nothing in the world tastes better than bacon strips!

  • Riley: Bacon strips, yeah!

  • Jory: (singing) I want to take my cock out and let it have a dip!

  • Riley: Take my cock out!

  • Jory: (singing) And bacon grease!

  • Riley: Grease, grease!

  • Jory: (singing) It burns a lot!

  • Riley: Burns a lot, like pee!

  • Jory: (singing) Because maybe...

  • Riley: Maybe!

  • Jory: (singing) ...the hickory's gonna be the one that saves me!

  • Riley: Or give you a heart attack!

  • Jory: (singing) And maple after all! I'll drizzle it on my balls!

  • *Riley laughs hard*

  • Riley: Can you just imagine that?

  • *Riley gives squeal while pantomiming fake "drizzling"*

  • Jon: Pretty good ad-libbin' there, Jory. Maybe you have a career someday as being a terrible singer.

  • Jon: I really should take all of the musical clips we've ever done and release an album of the greatest, uh, ad-lib songs!

  • Jory: We should come up with some more, then!

  • Riley: With 30 songs spewed over six CDs!

  • Jon: None of which are played in their entirety!

  • *Riley laughs*

  • Jory: What's a current song that we can parody right now?

  • Riley and Jory: (singing to tune of Justin Bieber's "Baby") Bacon, bacon, bacon...

  • Jory: (still singing) ...strips! I like bacon...

  • Riley: No, I was thinking... No! No, no, no, no, no! It's like...

  • Jon: Guys, don't get ahead of yourself. We're not microwaving Bieber for a couple episodes.

  • Jon: Alright, guys, four seconds left, uh...

  • Jory: 'Til the best-tasting thing of your life!

  • Jon: Smells like breakfast, guys!

  • Jon: Ooh! Look at that steam comin' off!

  • Jory: It kind of just smells like maple syrup. They aren't done yet, though. Let's open it up!

  • Riley: I'M not eating it!

  • Jory: I will! A little bit... I like my bacon rubbery.

  • Jon: Oh, that's... Drip that bacon grease on to that mannequin head.

  • Jory: (to Riley) Don't pour it out at once...

  • Jory: Quick poll in the comments- do you like your bacon crispy or undercooked?

  • Riley: Jory, grab the thing, so I can...

  • Jon: Definitely crispy, dude!

  • Riley: (to mannequin head) How do you like that, babe?

  • *Jon gives disgusted laugh*

  • Riley: (to mannequin head) How do you like it? (moans)

  • Jon: I like it dripped all over my head, boiling hot!

  • *Riley chuckles*

  • Jory: Oh, I need to open it!

  • *Riley gives perverted giggle*

  • Jory: I need to get it in my mouth!

  • *Riley laughs*

  • Jory: (at hot bacon) Aw, [beep] you! Aw, [beep]! [Beep] me! AW!

  • Jory: Cook it, cook it! Snort it!

  • Jory: Cook it! Cook that [beep]!

  • Jory: (excitedly) AW! Hear that pop and sizzle! Cook it more!

  • Jory: Aw, yeah! Imagine how my fingers feel! Mmm!

  • Jory: When it's burnt with a lighter, it does not taste good!

  • Riley: (laughing) It doesn't have that same bacon-y taste?

  • Jory: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a pack of bacon? No!

  • *Jory burps*

  • Jory: Aw! It's starting to kill me! (to Riley) You take over.

  • Riley: Well, that's about all the time we have for "Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"

  • Riley: This is Jory Caron. He now has food poisoning.

  • I'm Riley McIlwain, the sidekick. Jonny Paula's on the camera.

  • Jory: I think it's gonna come out of my butt already!

  • *end credits play*

  • Riley: (to Jory) You want the bacon? Want the bacon?

  • Riley: Take it, take it, take it!

  • Jory: I'm takin' the bacon!

  • Jon: This video has become sexual within five seconds!

  • Riley: Yeah!

  • *Click on episode #138 to see why Jackie makes the Twink-a-dee-dink smell like graham crackers and a bad day at Grandma's!*

Riley: We may make this LOOK easy...

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