- Mr. Trapp,

I wanna let you know, we've done everything we can,

but your phone is dying.

- What? No.

No, he had a full charge three hours ago.

- I'm afraid he's at 20%.

A condition known in the medical community as,

like basically dead already.

- Can I see him?

Oh no!

Oh my god, I knew I shouldn't have left my charger at home.

Oh, you're weirdly hot!

Oh this is all my fault.

- Oh no, don't say that.

- What is, it is.

I had Twitter open,

I was taking all those pictures

of cute dogs I saw on the street.

I'm not even gonna look at the pictures.

I don't know why I was taking 'em!

- I'm your phone.

I'm always gonna be here for that kinda dumb stuff.

(coughs loudly)

- I hate to see him like this.

Can we plug him in please?

Can we get a charger in here please?

Can someone get a charger in here? (yelling)

- Mr. Trapp, your phone is very old.

The only charger we have that would even work

belongs to Todd, in accounting.

- Okay, let's get it!

- I'm afraid Todd was super weird about loaning it out.

- I understand.

How much time does he have?

- It's hard to say.

With a phone that's at 20%, they can have a happy,

healthy life for another two, three, five hours,

but sometimes it'll do this thing

where it just jumps from 20% to one.

Instantly, for no reason.

- Why?

Why would they do that?

- We don't know.

It's what doctors call, Very Annoying.

- Is there something we can do?

Can we do that thing where we,

close out apps by swiping 'em away?

- That doesn't actually help the battery.

- Really?

- I'll check.

- No phone, c'mon.

- No phone. Save your strength.

- I'm a phone.

This is what I do! (yells)

(coughing)

- There are a few things we can do to prolong his life.

- Yes, anything. Yes.

- We can put him on airplane mode.

- That sounds great.

We're gonna put you on airplane mode okay, phone?

Everything's gonna be okay.

- Airplane mode, no!

- It's the only way that we can keep you living.

- No, I said!

I'm a phone.

What kinda life is that?

I won't be able to use any of my apps, not even blutooth.

What's the point of even being on?

(coughs)

- There's gotta be something we can do.

Can we put him in rice?

Let's put him in rice! (yells)

C'mon, let's get a big bag of rice in here! (yelling)

Just throw him in! (yelling)

- That's for water damage and even then,

does that really work?

- I'll check.

- No, Mr. Phone, save your strength.

I know what I'm talking about, it's rice.

Not magic.

- Oh my god.

(sad music)

I just thought we had more time, you know?

God, there's so much I wanted to do,

so much I wanted to ask you.

- You know, you can ask me anything.

- How old is Goofy's son supposed to be in the Goofy Movie?

I've been arguing with Katie,

I just have to know.

(beeping)

(gasping)

- 40.

(gasping)

He's 14,

years old.

(coughs)

- Phone?

Phone?

(beeping)

- He was a good phone.

- Nah, he was a piece of shit.

(phone rings)

- I'm so sorry, I have to take this.

Hello Dr. Fredericks.

- Hello?

- Hi, it's Mike Trapp from College Humor.

Click here to subscribe,

click here for more fun things,

and send help to keep me from sinking.

Please,

please help. Please help.