Name: Unconditional Love vs. Problem Solving - Communication in Marriage
Uploaded: 2018-01-06T17:15:05.000Z
Duration: 17 min 27 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Key Kris Krohn here with Limitless TV
and today I have my amazing lovely wife

Present continuous

Kalenne Marie Krohn here with me and
today we're going to be talking about

our five sacred rules of communication
in marriage.

15 and a half years of marriage
and in that period of time we have

definitely learned some very fascinating
things about the way the two of us

communicate and the more we've been out
in the world, we meet couples and do our

work with a lot of people we find that
there's a lot of people that have been

going through some very similar
challenges on learning how to get on the

same page with communication style. So
today we're going to be sharing our five

rules for us these are five sacred rules
of communication in our marriage and

we're sharing them with you in a space
of love and hope that they will help

help you on your journey. Alright the
first rule is say yes. Say yes to your

spouse. Say yes when your spouse wants
something say yes when your spouse asks

for something. If it's important to them
say yes. I mean do you remember when you

guys were first dating each other? and
you were in such a good habit of saying

yes? And then let's just be honest, most
of us go through a pattern that eyes

half-open get married open her eyes the
rest of the way. And then after it

doesn't take many months of marriage
before you start realizing that your

spouse has a lot of flaws right? And
you're starting to see the things that

you don't like and all the sudden it's
like, well I saw everything I loved that

I got married and now it all went
downhill from here

and what that means is that when we're
in love with each other and seeing

everything we love, we'd love to say yes
but the moment we start bickering and

fighting or start noticing the flaws yes
is turn into no's. And it could be

anything from you know, honey I really
want a guys night can I go out with the

guys tonight? And you know maybe I've had
a long day with the kids or long didn't

work and I'm like, oh I just want you to
be with me I don't want you to do that

but you know maybe on another night I
asked to go out with my girlfriends and

I want him to say yes to me, you know?
It's a give-and-take of supporting

each other when we ask everything. You
know it's also about developing an

unconditional love. You know when when
we're saying no we're often stepping

into a space of conditionality. It's like
unconditional with you. I love you when, I

love you if, I'll say yes if, but these
are my terms. And now it turns into a

scorekeeping game. It turns into trade
and I'm just inviting you with this

first rule of saying yes
to let go. Go back to the beginning, go out

of your way, don't keep score. Say yes as
much as you possibly can that's why you

married this amazing divine human being
was to do everything that you could for

their happiness. This goes to number two,
advocate for your spouse. And that

means to me is I want what you want
because you want it. Did you get that

right? There's a gold nugget that just
got dropped on you right there. I want

what you want because you want it and I
want to if you want and I want to amend

it and even add to it this idea that
says, especially if I don't want it I

want what you want because you want it
especially if I don't want it. That's

where you show up as the hero. And you
know what we need in marriages today? We

need spouses that can pull off hero
status. I'm gonna demonstrate right now. I

know we're leaving for Africa in a
couple of days between now and then. What

do you want? how can I serve you? like,
like, how can I help you get everything

done that you need to get done? Well
you could put the kids to bed tonight so

I can work on my project. I
want that I want that so desperately. Yay!

okay advocating for your spouse is
really really fun. You did that for me a

couple months ago for our Spring Break.
You know, now Kris especially loves to

travel abroad. I love to travel abroad
and for spring break I wanted to take

the kids on a desert road trip. 
Does that sound exciting?

It did to me. I wanted to go see the
Grand Canyon, I wanted to go see Bryce, I

wanted to go see Moab. And Kris was just
like rolling his eyes at me of oh, that

sounds so unexcited. Sounds so domestic.
Domestic and I'm like these were the

most beautiful places in our whole
country and we're gonna go see our kids

have never seen the Grand Canyon. You've
never seen the Grand Canyon, So I invited

him. I said, would you take the kids on
this road trip with me for a whole week?

and would you choose all in? would you
choose all in and be passionate about it

and loved every minute of it and help me
with the kids and just go play and have

I said yes and
I chose in. he said and he ended up

wanting what I wanted or choosing to
want what I wanted and we have the most

magical trip and took the most amazing
spectacular pictures, went on the most

the coolest hikes. Saw the most amazing
formations and we had a blast. You know,

it's interesting that we live in a world
today where there's a lot of selfishness

that's one of the rules that really
reigns supreme

and yet learning how to know know the
balance of how to honor yourself and how

to take a stand for what's important
to you, even if at times honoring

yourself means going against your
spouse's wishes, there there may be those

moments in life but for the most part
the moments really get to be constructed

from this selfless giving that says I
love you and I promise to do everything

and anything for you. And for me that
means, let's be each other's heroes. Kalenn

shows up as my hero all the time. And
there's things that she may not want to

do but if they're important to me, then
she makes them important to her as she

chooses into an energy that isn't filled
with a begrudgingness it's filled with,

all right I'm here, I'm gonna play. Yhis
is important to you so this is important

to me.
Advocate for your spouse. Now number

three is maintain boundaries and what
that means is allow husbands problems to

be separate from wife's problems. And
what that means to me is, you know if

Chris comes home from work and has had a
hard day or things have happened and

he's got like a negative energy coming
from him. Which almost never happened. It

almost never happens now. It used to, it
means that I don't get swept up in that

negative emotion and negative energy
because, have you ever noticed if

someone's in a bad mood like if mom's in
a bad mood then the kids all of a sudden

are in a bad mood because they're, they
feed off that negative energy. And you

know I can show up in a in a neutral
space and say, hey babe looks like you

had a hard day tell me about it. And
he can tell me about it and I don't have

to take on that negative energy myself. I can stand there and be a support

to him and help him work through it. A
lot of us become very empathic when when

there's someone that we love in our air
space. If they're having a good day we'll

allow that to build us up and if they're
having a hard day we'll actually use

that as a reason to build ourselves down.
But I want to ask you this question, do

you really want your energy to be
directed by

other people? Do you want the emotions
of other people to determine your state

of happiness or sadness? that's an
emotional incompetency that most of us

bear in this world until we wake up to
this consciousness that says, you know

what? I may be married to you and you may
be the love of my life

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Unconditional Love vs. Problem Solving - Communication in Marriage

incredible

trigger

negative

force