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  • Before you see the movie about an evil fictional technology company,

  • see the story of Facebook: a real-life evil technology company.

  • The Social Network

  • Experience the world's smartest film about the world's dullest premise

  • "Did you answer affirmatively when Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss

  • and Divya Narendra asked you to build harvard connection?"

  • "Did you say yes?"

  • In this dark Shakespearean drama about the website you're crazy aunt post minion memes on.

  • That uses snappy dialogue.

  • I deserve your attention -You have part of my attention. You have the minimum amount.

  • Slick directing and great performances to make a story

  • where young millionaires sue each other for more money feel really high stakes

  • What was honorship share ?dialuded? down to?

  • "Point zero three percent"

  • That's still millions you greedy a**hole! C'mon, I'd sell my kidneys for point zero three percent of Neopets

  • Journey to Harvard, where no one ever lets you forget.

  • It's Harvard.

  • "This is John Harvard. -We're gentlemen of Harvard."

  • Girls wanna get with guys who go to Harvard."

  • Harvard.

  • Harvard.

  • Harvard.

  • Harvard.

  • "This is Harvard."

  • And meet Mark Zuckerberg, a star student with a mind of a calculator, the heart of a troll

  • "Erica Albright's a bitch."

  • And the wardrobe of a comfy hobo.

  • He's determined to do two things with his life

  • Make a world respect him and make sure Jesse Eisenberg

  • gets every awkward Know-it-All nerd Role in Hollywood.

  • Take that Michael Cera! "Ha!"

  • Coasting off Mark's talent are a succession of hot dudes in suits, like:

  • Eduardo, the only Brazilian who doesn't know how to party.

  • "You think this is such a good idea?"

  • "You think maybe we shouldn't shut it down before we get into trouble?"

  • "You want to end the party at 11." "I'm trying to pay for the party."

  • Sean Parker, the man on the side who gets in the way of their bromance

  • And the 'Winklevii', who briefly got your hopes up that Armie Hammer had an identical twin.

  • Or to put it another way...

  • Lex Luthor dumped Spider-Man for N-Sync and pisses off the Lone Ranger

  • If you want to know the real story behind Facebook,

  • watch something else, because they're bending the truth harder than the news your uncle posts on his wall

  • In a film that makes up the ex-girlfriend who supposedly inspired the site.

  • Makes up an obsession with final clubs that tears Mark's friendships apart.

  • "Tell me this isn't about getting into 'The Phoenix'?"

  • And makes him into an awkward scowling robot where in real life

  • he was a normal dorky college kid. -"Within a couple of weeks

  • Two thirds of the school had signed up

  • So, at that point, my roommates are kinda like,

  • 'you know, this is pretty cool' like whether this work at other schools."

  • But hey, don't let facts get in the way

  • I'm sure the real Sean Parker love seeing himself as a paranoid,

  • coked-out, cowardly, maybe sorta statutory rapist.

  • "How old are they, Sean?" -"It's not polite to ask." -"Sean how old are they?"

  • So gather round for a film that's not really about Facebook.

  • It's about friendship, that still nails what t's like to use the website

  • In this masterpiece of craft that proves Aaron Sorkin could make boring litigation exciting

  • "You stole our whole goddamn idea" -"Fellas..."

  • David Fincher could make applying for an internship look awesome.

  • "Welcome to Facebook."

  • And Trent Reznor could make rowing down a calm river feel epic

  • [Electronic version of "In the Hall of the Mountain King" plays]

  • 'Man, I wish they'd make another Facebook movie', is a sentence. I never thought I'd say in this lifetime

  • Starring...

  • Jesse Eisenberg as himself

  • Andrew Garfield, the Brazilian Jew?

  • Tim, from Jurassic Park

  • The cloned ranger

  • A single shade of Gray

  • He's a dick who knows DOS

  • And all the laptops who gave their lives so David fincher could get the perfect shot.

  • Site club

  • [Chat nearly muted out by club music]

  • I know it's realistic and everything, but trying to understand Sorkin dialogue at a loud bar,

  • is like your grandma trying to understand how Facebook works.

  • "No, Nana, ugh, the search bar is not the same as the status update. Gah!"

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Before you see the movie about an evil fictional technology company,

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