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  • JUNE I wish Mr. Rabble didn't have to die...

  • MR. CROCKER June...

  • MR. CROCKER Everyone dies eventually.

  • JUNE Will you and Mom die?

  • MRS. CROCKER Well, yes, honey, we will,

  • MRS. CROCKER but that won't be for a long, looooooong-

  • SANDY Hurry, up June! You don't want to be late for your first day of high school!

  • JUNE Just a moment, Sandy! Be right there!

  • JUNE Do you think I should wear my beanie?

  • SANDY I think it looks swell on you!

  • JUNE Hmm...

  • SANDY June, you're over thinking this.

  • SANDY Instead just think of all those people waiting to be your friends!

  • JUNE I just hope nobody thinks I'm weird.

  • SANDY Now why would anyone think that?

  • JUNE Really?

  • SANDY Oh, June, don't be such a Worrisome Wendy, it's just school!

  • LESTER CATFIELD Oh! Morning, June!

  • DMITRI Good morning, June.

  • JUNE Morning Mr. Catfield. Morning, Dmitri.

  • SANDY Everyone here loves you and you want to know why?

  • SANDY You're the sharpest living person any of us know!

  • JUNE I'm the only living person you-

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN June! I can't believe you're headed off to school already!

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN And not just any school! The school named after me!

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN General Trulish Gramplin! (Ain't this a fun subtitle?)

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN We must commemorate this moment with a photograph!

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Gather round, everyone! Gather round!

  • JUNE This really isn't a big deal guys...

  • LADY PLUME Nonsense. It's like your coming out as a lady.

  • COLONIAL GHOST Everybody smile.

  • JUNE Are you guys gonna be okay without me?

  • *Incoherent ghosts murmuring reassurance*

  • SANDY Don't worry about us June. Now get out there and make some friends!

  • *Needlessly intimidating high school chatter*

  • STUDENT #1 It's that weird over the cemetery...

  • STUDENT #2 Oh, I've heard about her.

  • STUDENT #3 She is different and I don't know her. That frightens and upsets me.

  • JUNE This is going well...

  • UNSEEN STUDENT Witch!

  • SANDY Three, four, five. Oh, yay! Free parking!

  • DMITRI What is point of such game?

  • SANDY We can try something else.

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Oh, it's no use.

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN What else can we do with it doesn't involve June?

  • SANDY Oh! I bet June would know!

  • LESTER CATFIELD Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go ask June!

  • COACH MCKINNEY All right, you sniveling bagworms, welcome to freshman world history.

  • COACH MCKINNEY History of the world.

  • COACH MCKINNEY Karma, shwarma, and the Dali Larma.

  • COACH MCKINNEY Now, crab daggit, Vince Rasp, what are you doing that piss ant?

  • VINCE RASP Just showing him where the desk is, sir.

  • VINCE RASP Is that a crime...?

  • COACH MCKINNEY Now rip torn it, Vince! Don't gimme none of that back-talking guff!

  • COACH MCKINNEY We're taking a march to Counselor Stein-Stein's office right now, young man.

  • COACH MCKINNEY Everybody else, take out your books and... start memorizing flags!

  • BLONDE GIRL So you're the "Cemetery Girl," huh?

  • JUNE Oh, um, yeah, I guess, but actually my name is Ju-

  • BLONDE GIRL You have to forgive everyone for staring.

  • BLONDE GIRL Nobody's ever seen you before. For the longest time,

  • BLONDE GIRL people were saying you were some sort of monster made out of deer parts.

  • BLONDE GIRL Were you homeschool or something?

  • JUNE Well...

  • PURITAN GHOST And those godless Iroquois warriors thought their King Philip would protect them!

  • SKIPPER GHOST With steam you can harness unimaginable power to even travel upriver!

  • EDMUND And I likes to leave it with some jaggedy edges, see? To really cuts 'em deep!

  • JUNE Yes...

  • BLONDE GIRL Well, I only ever went to normal school...

  • BLONDE GIRL Anyway... I'm Lisa Rose, and these are my besties, Daisy and Violet.

  • LISA ROSE Anyway... I'm Lisa Rose, and these are my besties, Daisy and Violet.

  • DAISY We're The Flowers!

  • SANDY Oh, there she is!

  • JUNE Huh?

  • SANDY I found June everyone! And she's already made a few friends.

  • LESTER CATFIELD A few friends? That's good for business!

  • LADY PLUME What sort of ghastly things are they wearing?

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN That statue of me out front is spectacular! Could use a spit shine though.

  • LISA ROSE Is everything okay, Cemetery Girl?

  • JUNE Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, Lisa, I jus-

  • LISA ROSE Not, Lisa. Lisa ROSE.

  • DAISY Yeah. Lisa ROSE.

  • JUNE Sorry, Lisa Rose.

  • LISA ROSE It was a simple mistake I'm sure you won't make it again.

  • LISA ROSE You know. I'm a bit surprised.

  • LISA ROSE For someone who lives of corpses, you put yourself together pretty well.

  • LISA ROSE Oh, I especially like your necklace.

  • JUNE Oh, thanks.

  • LISA ROSE What do you want for it?

  • JUNE What?

  • LISA ROSE Let's see... No... no...

  • SANDY Oh my goodness, June! Her purse is like a tiny department store!

  • JUNE Sandy!

  • LISA ROSE Um, actually it's blonde, but good effort. Here we'll trade for my lip gloss.

  • LISA ROSE My daddy'll just buy me a new one.

  • VIOLET I've always wanted that lip gloss.

  • LISA ROSE Shut up, Violet.

  • SANDY Ooo, glitter...

  • JUNE Uh, no thanks, Lisa Rose, you can put that down.

  • SANDY Oh, sorry.

  • LISA ROSE I'm sorry. I don't know if I heard you correctly; you're rejecting my gift?

  • JUNE Well, it's not really a gift if you want-

  • LISA ROSE What? Is that some sort of overly-sentimental necklace from your dead parents?

  • JUNE Um, that's an oddly specific description... and... yes.

  • LISA ROSE Wow, Cemetery Girl, I came to you offering friendship, most would kill for that.

  • LISA ROSE Don't you want to be popular instead of some sort of weirdo?

  • DAISY Yeah, weirdo.

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Oh, those are fightin' words! June, get your pistol!

  • JUNE I don't want to be popular or weird! I just want to be a normal student going to school to learn.

  • LISA ROSE Well learn this, Cemetery Girl. Turning down this lip gloss was the biggest mistake of your life.

  • SANDY Well, at least she didn't say she hated your beanie.

  • UNSEEN STUDENT Witch!

  • JUNE Well, there go my chances of fitting in... oh don't be such a downer

  • SANDY Oh, don't be such a Downtrodden Debbie.

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Come on, June, buck up! Weather the storm!

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Welp. Better luck tomorrow.

  • JUNE I don't want to try again tomorrow, Gramplin.

  • JUNE This whole day has been horrible.

  • JUNE Everyone's so judgmental, and it certainly didn't help that you all kept distracting me in class.

  • JUNE Everyone must have thought I was crazy whenever I tried to say anything to one of you.

  • LESTER CATFIELD But, June, no one can hear you when you talk to a ghost unless you want them to.

  • LESTER CATFIELD Oh, wait I got that one backwards again.

  • JUNE I had one shot at being normal... and I blew it.

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN No. I suppose... WE blew it.

  • JUNE Let's just go.

  • MUFFLED VOICE Before you go, can you open this locker?

  • LOCKER KID Hey, thanks! I would have asked earlier but you sounded busy.

  • LADY PLUME Oh, what wonderful manners he has.

  • LOCKER KID Oh, hey, you're June! Man, you were pretty brave in history class.

  • LOCKER KID Kinda dumb considering that Lisa Rose is the richest girl in Ludburrow County,

  • LOCKER KID But still... pretty brave.

  • LOCKER KID I'm Blatsy, by the way!

  • BLATSY I'm Blatsy, by the way!

  • JUNE Uh, hey, Blatsy. Look, I was just headed home so I-

  • BLATSY Home? Oh, wow, me too! We can totally walk together! Come on, June, catch up!

  • BLATSY Wow, so you really live at a mortuary...

  • JUNE Yeah... I can't exactly blame people for thinking I'm weird.

  • BLATSY Well, of course you're weird, but that's what makes you cool.

  • BLATSY I mean, we're all a little weird; like I have a gland problem!

  • SANDY And I've been fifteen since 1959!

  • JUNE So it's normal to be weird then...

  • BLATSY Yeah, how strange is that right?

  • BLATSY Well... it was nice talking to you, June. See you tomorrow!

  • JUNE Blatsy, wait! Would you like to meet my family?

  • BLATSY Absolutely.

  • JUNE Everyone! I want you to meet Blatsy! You can reveal yourselves to him. He's a friend.

  • SANDY Hiya, Blatsy!

  • LADY PLUME Charmed to meet you.

  • LESTER CATFIELD Trendy metal teeth you got there!

  • JUNE Uh... Blatsy?

  • GARBAGE MAN GHOST Looks like he just saw a ghost!

  • HILLARY Ha ha! We say that all the time, but somehow it's still hilarious in this instance!

  • JUNE Blatsy, are you okay?

  • BLATSY This...

  • BLATSY is so...

  • BLATSY cool.

  • *ghosts cheer*

  • CLOWN GHOST It's a friendship party!

  • GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Let us commemorate this friendship victory with a photograph!

  • *excited merriment and chatter*

  • LISA ROSE So... it seems like the Cemetery Girl has made a friend...

  • LISA ROSE But if she thinks that will help her get through high school...

  • LISA ROSE Well...

  • LISA ROSE We'll be sure to be the flowers on her grave.

  • *Lisa Rose laughing*

  • VIOLET Can I have my binoculars back?

  • LISA ROSE Shut up, Violet!

JUNE I wish Mr. Rabble didn't have to die...

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