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  • (guitar chord) (ding)

  • (cheering and applause) (bass music)

  • - Hey everybody, Conan O'Brien

  • here with another Clueless Gamer.

  • Today we've got a big one I'm told.

  • The highly anticipated Overwatch.

  • This is huge, this is an epic game.

  • So I got two of the stars of the most epic show

  • on television, Game of Thrones, to play with me.

  • Please welcome my best friends

  • as of four minutes ago,

  • Peter Dinklage and Lena Headey.

  • Thank you so much for being here.

  • (audience cheering) You guys play video games.

  • - I don't but I'm ready.

  • - [Conan] And you, Peter? - What is this for?

  • (audience laughs)

  • - There was only one iron throne,

  • so I took it 'cause it has low back support.

  • This is in fact a toilet.

  • - Oooo.

  • - Yeah, this is really what makes it functional.

  • This is my toilet for my home. - [Peter] See that just broke.

  • - And this just broke.

  • And yeah, we're just ripping apart the iron throne as we go.

  • Oh, look at that, there you go.

  • Yeah, this is really no expense was spared.

  • These are made of Starbursts.

  • Then they put some shoe polish on it.

  • - This controls the toilet,

  • it's like a Japanese toilet. - [Peter] Oh it's like the--

  • - Yeah, so he can wash his butt.

  • Do you like that? - [Conan] Ah, no, no, no.

  • A little to the left.

  • - I love those.

  • You walk into the bathroom, - [Conan] Aim the jet.

  • - and they open, you don't even have to touch anything.

  • - [Lena] That's creepy. - But you know what's creepy?

  • I was in a hotel recently, and it had that

  • and the toilet opens every time you walk past it,

  • and every time I walked by the toilet it went

  • Huh, maybe and I'm like no.

  • I'm just coming in to get the floss, the dental floss

  • and then it closes sadly like oh.

  • And then I'll come in later-- - [Peter] Tey do that to me,

  • and I'm like, ah, might as well.

  • - Might as well.

  • - He's, yeah see?

  • - Hey, by the way, do you like our set?

  • No expense was spared.

  • Very sexy, isn't it this room?

  • - Sexy, yeah.

  • - Very sensual.

  • - It's being inside of a vagina.

  • Can we say that?

  • - No, you just did, - [Lena] You did, you said it.

  • - And you know what, this is gold.

  • Come on in Bleyaert tell us about the game.

  • - Yeah, so the game is Overwatch.

  • It's you know, humanity. (Peter snoring)

  • - Oh god. (audience laughing)

  • This is why I called you in?

  • - You were great as the dad in Family Ties.

  • (all laughing)

  • - Take us through all of our hero possibilities.

  • - [Bleyaert] You've got-- - Jason Momoa.

  • - [Peter] Jason Momoa.

  • - Oh my god he's got the legs of like a pigeon.

  • Lena come to me, Lena.

  • - Then we've got this guy Junkrat.

  • - [Conan] Junkrat. - Oh I like Junkrat.

  • (all laughing)

  • - He has the power of low self-esteem.

  • Oh my.

  • - [Peter] Ooo. - [Lena] Oh yeah.

  • - Oh!

  • - [Peter] Reset, pause it.

  • - Pause it. - [Peter] There we go.

  • - Oh lord.

  • - Somebody's been shining that.

  • - [Bleyaert] This guy's kinda cool, Lucio.

  • - Oh look at that.

  • Oh he's on roller blades.

  • His only enemy is an uneven surface.

  • (all laughing)

  • He can accomplish anything, but oh there's some

  • slate gravel in the road, I can't help you.

  • - Oh, okay I like him.

  • - Yes.

  • - He's got nice balls.

  • - Lovely balls.

  • - MC Hammer backup dancer at one point.

  • - So the idea here is you guys

  • are going to be on separate teams.

  • You're gonna be shooting each other,

  • trying to take an objective or defend an objective.

  • - I don't know what you said.

  • - I don't know either.

  • - [Bleyaert] Alright.

  • - I'm a giant gorilla with a laser canon.

  • (Lena gasps) (laser zaps)

  • - No, wait.

  • (grunts)

  • - Oh come on I just laser beamed it.

  • - [Lena] I can't look up.

  • - Okay that happened very quickly.

  • - Wait.

  • (laser zapping) (grunting)

  • - [Peter] Ow. - What?

  • - So Peter just killed you twice very quickly.

  • - That's not me, that's the character.

  • - Stomp on your corpse.

  • - [Conan] (laughing) Yeah. (ding)

  • - (laughing) Now I've got four guns.

  • - Just kill him, please kill him he's getting very cocky.

  • - He really is that big (beep) gorilla.

  • - Oh my god.

  • (lazers zapping) (grunting)

  • - [Lena] Yes.

  • - Yes!

  • She killed you, Lena just killed you.

  • - How does that feel, Peter?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - I'm so on Lena's side.

  • I don't know why.

  • - Oh yeah look at that.

  • I'm up on a platform up here.

  • - [Lena] Where are you?

  • - Coming at you from above there, Headey.

  • Wait, oh I know, I fell.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - No.

  • That's the most mundane death.

  • A workplace accident took you out of the game.

  • Where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where?

  • - Behind you.

  • - [Peter] Where? (exclaims and laughs)

  • Not so easy now when someone fights back.

  • (guns firing)

  • - You know my gun can't really shoot that far.

  • - Yeah.

  • - That's what they all say.

  • - That's what they all say.

  • (yells loudly) Die.

  • Hiding behind balsa wood shouldn't do anything.

  • Good old balsa wood.

  • Impenetrable balsa wood.

  • (guns firing)

  • (audience laughs)

  • For you, my lady. - [Lena] Thank you, my liege.

  • - [Bleyaert] Yeah, so the next place we're gonna play

  • is the Temple of Anubis, it's in Egypt.

  • You guys are each gonna have a team

  • of two other people with you.

  • - [Conan] What's the objective?

  • - [Bleyaert] The objective is there's maybe some stuff

  • going on but you just shoot each other.

  • - Shoot people, just shoot people.

  • And we're in a Moroccan restaurant, why?

  • What's happening?

  • - I've got a hankerin' for some Tahiti.

  • (Conan laughing) (guns firing)

  • - That bubble I'm in is called celebrity.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Come out from behind that, there's Peter.

  • I'm gonna kill him.

  • - [Peter] No you're not. - Yes I am, time to die.

  • (laser firing)

  • Wait, I was eliminated by Peter.

  • (guns firing)

  • - What?

  • - You're out, Lena, sorry.

  • - Why'd you keep shooting me?

  • There's four other people.

  • - [Conan] Look at him, pure evil.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Look at his range of facial expressions.

  • (all laughing)

  • A choking victim.

  • Okay we're gonna do something very special now.

  • At my request, all the women with shiny butts

  • are gonna fight each other.

  • Don't shoot anyone.

  • Just enjoy their bodies.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - [Lena] Look at that shiny butt.

  • - Can they make out with each other?

  • - [Conan] Is there a button where they

  • make out with each other, all the women?

  • - [Bleyaert] No there's no button.

  • - Can we ask that that be added

  • to the game before it comes out?

  • - [Bleyaert] I will ask.

  • (footsteps clicking)

  • - Oooo listen to their high heels.

  • - Oh, I love that.

  • (sighs and moans)

  • There's a lot of moaning.

  • - Can we get that, can we get that?

  • - Can we get a loop of the moaning?

  • (gun firing) (sighs and moans)

  • - There you have it right there.

  • We just watched Peter decimate Lena in this competition.

  • Peter, you are the winner.

  • Because it's Game of Thrones, you will now

  • be presented with my head on a spike

  • by our George R.R. Martin lookalike.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Kind of me.

  • Donald

  • (audience laughing and cheering)

  • - Umm the bestest.

  • - Hey, hey, hey!

  • What are you doing?

  • (cheering and applause)

(guitar chord) (ding)

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