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  • Things are better.

  • The world is better.

  • Just because there's not a war doesn't mean there's peace.

  • Ugh. See, Raven, this is why you should stay in school.

  • Some call him... Apocalypse.

  • Most call him Tom. But never to his face.

  • Too good looking to be evil, hm?

  • For thousands of years he's been crowd-funding,

  • - amassing almost 200 dollars in cash. - Cheers.

  • He always had four followers.

  • Like the four horsemen.

  • More like the Backstreet Boys.

  • Everybod-ay, yeah...

  • Apocalypse is back - Alright!

  • Hey-yay-yeah... ow...

  • ♪ I'm a god and I'm back again!

  • Everything they've built... will fall!

  • (AUSTRALIAN VOICE) Chaz, how much d'ya spend on them opera tickets?

  • And from the ashes of their world,

  • we'll build a better one!

  • Magneto, take that pile of ash beside you and build me a better Eiffel Tower!

  • But make it blue and sparkly and twice as high!

  • Starting to regret signing up to be a Horseman.

  • I've never felt power like this before.

  • Five independent blades, working in harmony to give me the closest shave I've ever ex--

  • Well...

  • It had to happen eventually.

  • Woah, Apocalypse!

  • I... was just trying to give you a friendly fist-bump.

  • DAAAARGH! I can't feel my legs!

  • Not that that's anything new.

  • The world needs the X-Men.

  • - And women. - And women.

  • I'm not a hero.

  • The students look up to you.

  • Well... apart from that guy.

  • Hey, Hunger Games, where's your bow?

  • If I'm going to teach your kids something,

  • I'm going to teach them how to dress like a prostitute.

  • Speaking of whores,

  • Magneto... He's my father.

  • What?

  • - Him and my mom, they did it-- - No, I know.

  • - Well, first they did a little-- - I get it.

  • - And then they did a little-- - OK, enough.

  • - And then they did a lotta-- - Gross! Stop!

  • - And don't get me started on the-- - Not another word.

  • You and I actually made out once.

  • You probably don't remember - it was really fast.

  • Not all of us can control our powers.

  • Then don't.

  • I'd like to revise my earlier statement.

  • Apocalypse means to destroy this world.

  • How did I not see this coming? It was all right there in the name!!

  • Shit, that was my mom's car.

  • Did you just put a sword between my toes?!

  • Now it's personal!

  • Forget everything you think you know.

  • None of that matters.

  • I know how to defeat Apocalypse.

  • Forget it. Wait - What did you say?

  • I can't remember - you told me to forget it.

  • Shit!

  • I'm a really bad teacher.

  • I'll take everything from them

  • and only pay cost price.

  • You're not students anymore.

  • Oh shiiiiiit!

  • You're alumni.

  • [GPS] Turn left into supernatural sandstorm.

  • Well you've been busy.

  • We had a... little help.

  • That's right, bub. It's none other than...

  • Knife Knuckle Man!

  • A lesser known mutant hero, but a hell of a lot cheaper than Hugh Jackman!

  • You suck, Knife Knuckle Man!

  • Everybod-ay, yeah

  • Dress up gaud-ay, yeah

  • Everybod-ay, yeah, take it from an acolyte

  • Apocalypse is back - Alright!

  • Hey-yay-yeah... ow...

  • ♪ I'm a god and I'm back again

  • Got no brothers or sisters but I got four friends

  • Gonna bring the evil, show you how

  • And baby, Armageddon pretty freaky now (Yeah-yeah-yeah!)

  • ♪ I'm the original (Yeah!)

  • But not the only one! (Yeah!)

  • ♪ I'm bisexual! (Too much information...)

  • And I'm everything you need if you wanna start knockin' cities down!

  • Everybody! (Yeah!)

  • Especially hotties! (Attractive people are encouraged to apply!)

  • Everybody, come and join the fight! (Come and join this fight!)

  • Apocalypse is back - Alright!

Things are better.

Subtitles and vocabulary

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B1 US apocalypse knuckle yay ow knife forget

X-Men Apocalypse Trailer Spoof - TOON SANDWICH

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    Jessica Lin posted on 2017/10/13
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