Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • >> MALE : Why do all those damn kids watch those V-logs on the internet?

  • >> IAN: Shut up!

  • [♪ Dramatic music ♪] >> NARRATOR: The Outbreak started slowly. People staying on camera for more than four minutes, talking without a script.

  • >> NARRATOR: The Outbreak started slowly. People staying on camera for more than four minutes, talking without a script.

  • Telling obviously embellished stories with titles like

  • "I had sex with my dog."

  • >> OLIVIA: You won't believe what happened to me today! So basically...

  • >> NARRATOR: And now some of the world's last remaining sketch comedians must make their stand.

  • >> IAN: (as Batman) Ah!

  • Where's Rachel?

  • >> ANTHONY: (as Mario) I am more concerned about finding a princess!

  • >> IAN: (as Batman) No, you idiot!

  • (normally) Where's Rachel, our camera guy?

  • >> ANTHONY: (normally) Yeah! And I mean where's Princess, our sound guy?

  • >> IAN: (quietly) Whoa.

  • Where is everybody?

  • >> ANTHONY: Hello?

  • [overlapping chatter]

  • [Ian gasps]

  • >> IAN: Oh no!

  • >> ANTHONY: They've... been infected!

  • >> KEITH: (monotone) Oh my God, guys,

  • >> COURTNEY: (monotone) You will not believe what happened to me today!

  • >> OLIVIA: (monotone) Oh my God, you guys--

  • >> SHAYNE: (monotone) --won't believe what happened to--

  • >> NOAH: (monotone) --me today!

  • >> COURTNEY: (monotone) I went to the supermarket, and they were selling babies!

  • >>KEITH: (monotone) Strawberry short cakes were just not there

  • >> NOAH: (monotone) I was on the bus!

  • >> OLIVIA: (monotone) I drowned in the ocean.

  • >> SHAYNE: (monotone) I ate Kleenex!

  • >> ANTHONY: We've gotta get out of here!

  • >> IAN: They've been taken over by...

  • >> NARRATOR: The Vlog Virus.

  • >> RYAN: Look, there's only a handful of us left.

  • We have to stay strong sketch brethren!

  • >> RHETT: But it's so much easier making videos without scripts.

  • >> LINK: And without costumes.

  • >> IAN: No way.

  • >> RYAN: We are sketch comedians.

  • >> ANTHONY: Yeah

  • We have to wear costumes!

  • >> RHETT: Consider the benefit; more videos that are easier to make.

  • >> LINK: Longer runtime! The algorithm loves that runtime!

  • >> RHETT: Come on, guys. Come do inane challenges with us and eat weird food.

  • >> LINK: And other things that will take between, hmm... 10 and 15 minutes.

  • >> RHETT: Join us on the vlog side.

  • >> LINK: (menacing) The vlog side!

  • >> IAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOO! NOOO!

  • [Ian hyperventilating]

  • >> ANTHONY: It's okay...

  • >> IAN: At least we have you, Ryan Higa.

  • >> ANTHONY: You'll never let us down, right Ryan Higa?

  • >> RYAN: Hold on, I don't get how we are the last of the sketch people. What about, like Lily Ponds, or all those other big, you know, Viners?

  • Or ex-Viners that ended up becoming YouTubers, and now they're blowing up. Don't they count?

  • >> IAN: NO, DAMNIT!

  • They're too young and pretty to be seen in costumes and silly wigs!

  • >> ANTHONY: Yeah, Ryan Higa! Just shut the f**k up and go along with it!

  • >> IAN: YEAH!!!

  • >> RYAN: Fine! I guess we just need to get the message out there and see if there's anybody else like us.

  • Let me just set this up quick...

  • >> IAN: Great idea, Ryan Higa!

  • >> ANTHONY: Yeah... you do that, Ryan Higa. You never let us down.

  • >> RYAN: Hey guys, this is Ryan Higa,

  • and we are some of the last sketch people left. Is there anyone else out there?

  • >> IAN: Ryan Higa, no!

  • >> ANTHONY: Don't use your phone to make a video, Ryan Higa. It's too easy...

  • >> RYAN: Anyone at all?

  • Hey guys, you won't believe what happened today...

  • *both scream*

  • *muffled speech*

  • >> ANTHONY: Game over, man! We're gonna die in here...

  • *ringtone*

  • "Join the Resistance. Meet us @ a place no vlogger would ever be seen at: A sketch comedy writer's room."

  • >> ANTHONY: Let's go.

  • >> IAN: Yeah.

  • >> IAN: Okay, just look at your phone and pretend you're vlogging.

  • *repeating "vlog"*

  • *screams* GO GO GO!

  • >> COURTNEY: So today we tried to assimilate Anthony and Ian, and they totally got away!

  • >> OLIVIA: And also, they almost had sex with my DOG!

  • >> ??: Welcome.

  • >> IAN: Who are you guys?

  • >> ANTHONY: Are you the resistance?

  • >> BOTH: BARATS AND BERETA?!

  • >> IAN: They said you two were merely a myth!

  • >> ANTHONY: Grandfather used to tell stories of your epic comedy sketches on YouTube!

  • >> BERETA: We discovered a way to destroy these vloggers.

  • >> BARATS: By bringing good, old-fashioned, original content back to the internet.

  • >> BERETA: You know? Like YouTubers used to do!

  • >> BOTH: Channels like... thewinekone, Brookers, LisaNova, HappySlip, Daxflame, lonelygirl15, Chad Vader, Lazy Dork.

  • >> BARATS: Haha, Lazy Dork, sick reference!

  • >> BERETA: Thanks!

  • >> BERETA: Five star rating system?

  • >> BARATS: Mini DV tapes?

  • >> BOTH: 4 by 3!

  • >> BERETA: You see you YouTubers these days just aren't what they used to be!

  • >> IAN: Something's not right...

  • >> ANTHONY: Are... Are they ranting?...

  • >> BERETA: Oh, I'm a YouTuber of 2017!

  • >> BARATS: Uh, my phone doesn't flip shut, and it has a camera!

  • >> ANTHONY: Rant videos are an even easier form of content in vlogs!

  • >> ANTHONY: KYA!

  • >> BOTH: *Hiss*

  • >> BERETA: Ow my hip!

  • >> BARATS: Subscribe to our dead channel!

  • >> BERETA: Vlogs for Bucks!

  • >> IAN: I can't believe it. We might be the last sketch comedy people left alive.

  • >> ANTHONY: What about "Smosh is Bored" on our second channel every Monday? Aren't those pretty much vlogs?

  • >> IAN: Shhhh.

  • >> ANTHONY: Why are we avoiding this?

  • >> IAN: 'Cause it's a virus. If we start vlogging now, we'll be vlogging forever.

  • >> ANTHONY: But maybe that's not so bad! Don't you ever wonder if we're... limiting ourselves with sketch comedy?

  • >> IAN: No... that's crazy talk...

  • >> ANTHONY: Think about it... people want to know our personalities... maybe that's why vlogging is so popular... because it's what people want.

  • Isn't that who we do this for?

  • The people?

  • And, oh my God,

  • You won't believe what happened to me today...

  • >> IAN: What did you just say?!

  • Anthony... no, no!

  • >> ANTHONY: *Rips off mustache*

  • >> IAN: *Slow motion* No, no...

  • >> ANTHONY: My dog almost had sex with my toothbrush...

  • >> IAN: Hey guys, thank you so much for subscribing and watching our super scary video!

  • To see behind-the-scenes footage and bloopers from this episode, click the box on the left.

  • And if you want to see another super scary video from us, which Involves a dickpic curse, click the box on the right.

>> MALE : Why do all those damn kids watch those V-logs on the internet?

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it