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  • 'Sup, guys!

  • Wait a minute...

  • You guys aren't the real Avengers!

  • What the hell?

  • Parker, I thought I told you to stay home tonight.

  • W-why are you guys robbing ATMs?

  • Avenging doesn't pay as well as we were led to believe, kid.

  • I've got gambling debts.

  • Well this is super awkward for me cos now I gotta arrest you guys!

  • [LAUGHS]

  • I should not have laughed.

  • I realize that now.

  • Did Liz get a new top?

  • Can't tell.

  • She's wearing a sweater over it.

  • Should probably stop staring before it gets creepy though.

  • Yeah.

  • Too late.

  • You guys are losers.

  • Isn't that right, Mr Mugglestein?

  • "That's right, Michelle!

  • You're the coolest girl in sch--"

  • [CRIES]

  • At least I'm not a loser!

  • One size fits all.

  • OH GOD!

  • TOO TIGHT! TOO TIGHT!

  • [SCREAMS]

  • So, to become an Avenger, are there, like, trials?

  • There's *a* trial.

  • What does baking have to do with being an Avenger?

  • We already have people who can fight crime.

  • What we don't have is a decent friggin' pastry chef!

  • Peter!

  • You still with us?

  • Sorry, I was just...

  • watching "Captain America: Civil War" on my laptop.

  • Peter, you can't watch a movie that's set in a universe which you yourself occupy.

  • That's called a "trailer paradox".

  • Unlawful entry!

  • OH MY GOD!!!

  • I'd have never come to this pool party if I knew at some point I'd get wet!

  • Dude, you just damaged 500 bucks' worth of Lego!

  • You're the Spider-Man.

  • No, I'm not!

  • You were on the ceiling!

  • Was I?

  • Or... was it you who was on the ceiling?

  • And have been your whole life.

  • You just blew my mind.

  • Do you eat flies and small insects?

  • No.

  • Step one of my fitness challenge:

  • Inject yourself with a special super-soldier serum.

  • That's pretty much it.

  • Do you know him too?

  • Stole his shield.

  • Peter Parker, if you're watching this, can I please have my shield back?

  • He-he's obviously referring to a different Peter Parker.

  • Peter Parker from Queens?

  • AKA The Spider-Ma--

  • Hey, who threw that?

  • Are you venomous?

  • I don't think so.

  • The rich and the powerful, like Stark -

  • they don't care about us!

  • Adrian?

  • Your care package from the Tony Stark Cares Foundation just arrived.

  • Put it with the others.

  • Forget the flying monster guy.

  • There are people who handle this sort of thing.

  • Flying-Monster-Guy-Busters, for example.

  • If you mated with Black Widow, would she eat you afterwards?

  • It'd be worth it.

  • Wait for me!

  • Almost missed the boat.

  • May I see your ticket?

  • Thwipp it good!

  • Things are about to get "ferry" unstable!

  • Spider-Man!

  • You gotta help me, please!

  • I'm a little busy at the moment...

  • Oh I see!

  • You get yourself a fancy new suit and now you think you're "all that"?

  • You superheroes are all the same!

  • You all the damn same!

  • Don't worry, ma'am.

  • *I'll* save you.

  • Unbelievable!

  • A woman was almost drenched.

  • I'm gonna need the suit back.

  • But I'm nothing without this suit!

  • If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.

  • Of all people, dude!

  • See how you like it!

  • AAAARGH!!

  • I'm Stark naked!

  • Don't mess with me.

  • I'm Batman.

  • I mean Birdman.

  • I mean... The Vulture!

  • Sorry.

  • Played a lotta winged characters - sometimes I get a little...

  • Ruffled?

  • Yeah.

  • Polly want a cracker?

  • Don't push me, kid.

  • But yes.

  • [BIRD-WHISTLES]

  • I'll do anything to protect my family.

  • Meet the newest member of the family, Spider-Man!

  • Takes after his Daddy!

  • My imaginary friend's up there!

  • Hey, where are you going? Come back!

  • Things aren't so bad!

  • OK, now they're bad.

  • Just... don't do anything in the air.

  • That's my playground.

  • I know I say this every trip...

  • but this is the last time I fly economy.

  • [COUGH] Sorry, sir.

  • All we have left is the fish.

  • Well, what a surprise!

  • OK Peter.

  • You can do this.

  • It's all about confidence.

  • [DIALLING PHONE]

  • Hello?

  • H-Hi- Hi- Hey!

  • Is that Natasha?

  • Who is this?

  • I-It- it's me! Uh, S-- Peter Sparker!

  • Sp- Speeder-Man! Spider Park--

  • Uh- Peter Parker!!

  • I don't recognise any of those names.

  • W-we met last year at Leipzig airport?

  • The one in Germany

  • Mr Stark's friend from Queens.

  • You know - Spider-Man!

  • The Big S&M!

  • Oh god...

  • Oh right. The web guy.

  • Yeah!

  • Well, I... do other things than just webs, but yeah!

  • How did you get my number?

  • Uh, Mr Stark gave it to me.

  • I'll have to remember to thank him for that.

  • So how can I help you, Pedro?

  • Peter- uh Peter.

  • Well look, here's the situation:

  • I've got my school's Homecoming Dance coming up in a few weeks and...

  • I was kinda wondering if... you would...

  • y'know, wanna... go with... come with...

  • me... to... it.

  • You want me to be your date?

  • Well I mean think about it - we have so much in common!

  • Both superheroes, both with arachnid based code names, both fought for team Iron Man...

  • I know you ultimately betrayed us, but hey! What happens in Leipzig stays in Leipzig.

  • Plus, the theme is fancy dress, so we could wear our actual superhero suits

  • and no one would know!

  • I can't wear my suit to a dance.

  • That thing does not breathe.

  • Every time I peel it off after a hard day's avenging

  • my whole body is glistening with sweat.

  • [WEB SHOOTS] Huh--!

  • Oh god...

  • What was that?

  • Uh, oh nothing...

  • I just, uh... accidentally pressed the trigger on my web shooter - that's weird.

  • Also, Pierre, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I kind of have a boyfriend.

  • It's a long-distance relationship at the moment but I want us to stay exclusive.

  • Well... would he even have to find out? I mean...

  • from what Mr Stark tells me, he's somewhat unreachable?

  • Trust me.

  • You don't want to risk it.

  • He suffers from what some have described as a short temper.

  • Well... can I at least bring a long a photo of you and tell people we're going out?

  • Look Pietrov, I'm gonna have to call you back.

  • I just got out of the shower and I'm all soapy and dripping.

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