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  • Hi. This is Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller.

  • Las Vegas magician.

  • I did two tours of duty on Celebrity Apprentice.

  • I spent some time around Trump.

  • I know the way he works.

  • Penn. You raised a ton of money and a lot of people are going to be very happy with the job you've done.

  • I've just created right now, off the top of my head,

  • a "Donald Trump" card trick

  • that'll illustrate how he's running his campaign.

  • I'm opening this perfectly ordinary deck of cards

  • and you'll see that, uh, they are indeed all different.

  • Now, say, uhh, the campaign is a card trick, OK?

  • And say the American public

  • have been asked by Trump

  • to, uh, pick a card.

  • He fans the cards out like so

  • and acts like the selection of the card doesn't really matter.

  • It's an old magician's trick;

  • the selection of the card always matters.

  • But you have to be a certain kind of

  • nonchalant if you want to do a force.

  • And say they pick

  • this card right here.

  • Say they pick the, uh, Jack of Hearts

  • and Trump doesn't know that.

  • They then take the card, they put it back into the deck

  • OK?

  • That's how the campaign starts.

  • Don't forget it's the Jack of Hearts

  • it's somewhere in the middle of the deck.

  • He then gives the cards a shuffle

  • while he's talking.

  • Now the patter does not matter;

  • you can say absolutely

  • anything that pops into your head.

  • Let's say, uh,

  • I got a perfectly ordinary deck of cards here

  • and Mexicans are rapists.

  • Then you shuffle a little bit more

  • and you say, I still have a perfectly ordinary deck of cards here

  • and no Muslims into our country.

  • The First Amendment is essentially obliterated.

  • Then he gives them another little shuffle

  • and puts in a little bit more misdirection.

  • Shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any...

  • ... blood coming out of her ...

  • Lee Harvey Oswald

  • I don't remember!

  • Saying stuff like, uh,

  • soldiers who've died in battle

  • their parents might not attack me.

  • Probably, maybe, she wasn't allowed

  • to have anything to say, you tell me.

  • When election time comes,

  • after all this misdirection,

  • all this shuffling, all the handling of the cards,

  • he then has the card on top.

  • And clean-handed and just like this,

  • he produces the card and says,

  • "Is this your card?"

  • And it's the ...

  • Six of Hearts, not the Jack of Hearts.

  • CAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT!

  • He would never get it right.

Hi. This is Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller.

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