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  • [G.W.Bush] Today I announce a new plan to extend

  • a human presence

  • across our solar system

  • Good afternoon, Youtube

  • Welcome to Juice News

  • I`m Robert Foster, and this I s the top spot

  • For true views

  • Lead story this afternoon is this:

  • You Lunatics!

  • NASA to send a missile to blast the moon to bits

  • I have with me in the studio, General Baxter

  • Veteran, Gentleman and representative of NASA

  • Good to have you here, General

  • - Good to be here Bob

  • - Now this is something that we hear a lot

  • Has Nasa Completely Lost it?

  • What do you say to that?

  • - Ha ha, Bob

  • Take it back!

  • No, just kidding, you know that

  • The whole fact is we`re itching to go back

  • To the moon with a human but have no cash

  • And no craft, But we can`t hold back,

  • We gotta start it!

  • Those sneaky Ruskies are throwing flags

  • Under the antarctic

  • Besides, jeez!

  • The Chinese might seize the bull by the teets and plant their own flag

  • Let`s face it, we got what it takes to win

  • if God had wanted Communists in space He would a gave em wings

  • But seriously, You need to just see

  • The moon is a motherlode of Helium 3

  • Just twenty three tonnes is enough to power the US

  • For a year at least

  • - OK, so please can you say what the objective of the plan is?

  • - The plan is we`ve used all the earth`s resources

  • Damn it!

  • If there`s some gas we`ll grab it,

  • Land, we`ll have it !

  • Yehaaw!

  • There`s gold in them there planets!

  • So the first mission objective is to save expenses

  • The second objective is to generate attention

  • So our budget don`t get axed at the next election

  • Thirdly we`re detecting if the moon

  • Can assume the role of space waste collection

  • Forthly we wanna build a lunar fortress

  • A staging post to get the universe and the moon`s resources

  • Ice

  • Diamonds

  • Coal

  • Cheese

  • Brown people

  • Mining minerals

  • - Thank you for your time, General

  • It all sounds sensible, but is it a good decision

  • But some are convinced there`s a dark side of the moon mission

  • Now with direct link via satellite feed

  • Is Terrence MoonSeed from the lunar defence league

  • Shut up, Bob, you better listen!

  • This unprovoked attack on the moon is terrorism!

  • Which the Shining Ones, and the Galactic force

  • may well consider to be earth`s first act of war

  • And amateur astronomers are planning stupid parties

  • Where they`ll grab their telescopes

  • And view a kamikaze missile slamming into the lunar target

  • Of the Nasa masons and the goddam corrupt "Illuminati"

  • You see, you need to see things mythically

  • Then you`ll begin to understand the conspiracy

  • The moon is the feminine, the huntress, Diana

  • And it`s like 12 years since they sacrificed princess Diana

  • The moon is what helps the earth spin

  • Dammit!

  • Controls the tides, precession

  • it`s our twin planet!

  • And Nasa wants to bomb it?

  • It`s hollow: We might crack it!

  • If this mission goes ahead, The LDL will hijack it!

  • - Alright, thanks kid

  • General, your responses?

  • - Bob, I`m not even deigning to respond to this dumb kid

  • Terrorism?

  • kid, I`ll give you a terrorised face

  • ¿Would you rather North Korea colonised space?

  • We need to get up there and chart the minerals

  • You goddamn hippy bleeding heart liberals

  • We`re trynna leave this world and build a better one

  • This is the cheapest mission Nasa has ever done

  • - And it`s also the first attack on a neighbour

  • Goddamit!

  • You`re not a servant of the world

  • You`re a traitor!

  • !¿A traitor?!

  • Boy, I`m gonna beat you with spanners!

  • Take you to a fema camp and teach you some manners

  • - Manners!

  • General, Nasa is now a disgrace

  • This mission contravenes article four of the treaty on outer space

  • We`re out of place, they`re singing the fake scriptures

  • For the bildabergs and the reptilian shapeshifters

  • Everybody should be up in arms: it`s the moon !

  • - It`s just the moon!

  • We never even went to the moon!

  • $%*=0 You!!

  • Ok, Now hang on General, before this gets too far

  • Bombing moons, are we turning the world into

  • ¿A death star?

  • ¿What do you mean?

  • Well we`re paving earth

  • Making it grey, erasing Nature`s worth

  • Now, we attack another planet, degrading it

  • All the hollywood movies show aliens invading us

  • But that`s exactly what we`re becoming

  • Violence !

  • It`s inside us

  • ¿Isn`t this the spreading of the human virus?

  • That`s horseshit, Bob!

  • Human virus!

  • We`re the rulers of the universe!

  • Look at your bibles!

  • Bibles?!

  • These babylonians worship Isis

  • And now they`re gonna bomb where the ice is

  • So they can bottle it and sell it to us for inflated prices

  • ¿And you want to pay fair prices for your Moon Ices?

  • Precisely!

  • ¿So it`s economics and prices rather than bombing the moon

  • that`s the crisis?

  • These guys are rich!

  • We just want a piece of the pie, Bitch!

  • I mean it`s all wrong, Obama`s bomb is wrong !

  • Ok, that`s about it for the show today

  • But before we go away , I`ll leave you with this thought

  • As the days revolving

  • We may have problems, but

  • ¿Is this our only way to solve them?

  • Just bomb them?

  • ¿Aren`t we supposed to be evolving?

  • Yet here we are responding...

  • Problem?

  • Bomb them!

  • As for colonising space, and the Infinite system.

  • ¿Should we be allowed on another planet before we`ve even learned to live on this one?

  • Well, whatever should happen to the moon on October ninth,

  • This is Robert Foster for Juice News

  • Signing off

  • Good Night

[G.W.Bush] Today I announce a new plan to extend

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