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  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Freaking christmas, so stupid.

  • >> NARRATOR: He's a lonely green man with nothing to lose.

  • Who puffs on [BLEEP] cigarets and sips on [BLEEP] booze.

  • This green son of a [BLEEP] is repulsive and sick, there's no other way to put it, he's just acts like a dick.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Is this guy serious?

  • This is what you get, you little [BLEEP]!

  • He shoots!

  • And he scores!

  • Ha-ha-ha-ha. [BLEEP] Christmas!

  • >> NARRATOR: Now we mustn't forget he was always this way, but it really sucks being different in our cruel world today.

  • You almost can't blame him for being so mean, he often gets profiled for driving while green.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Good day officer. How are you? >> COP: Shut the [BLEEP] up.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay. >> COP: License and registration.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Uh, it's just that my license is in there. >> COP: What is that?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: What is what? >> COP: Is that a weapon?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: It's a banana. >> COP: Put that down.

  • >> COP: Put it down. >> SEÑOR GRINCH: It's a banana.

  • >> COP: Oh, that's what you're going to call it? >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Look at it, it's just a banana.

  • >> COP: You want to point that at me?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, okay, okay! >> COP: I'm requesting back-up, suspect is armed, immediate back-up at the green, the scene.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Please listen, I did not do anything wrong.

  • >> COP: Officer down! I've been assaulted!

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: What the [BLEEP] are you...

  • >> COP: Get the [BLEEP] out of the car, you piece of [BLEEP]. Get out of the car. Get out, get out. >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, okay, okay!

  • >> NARRATOR: One time he tried to be social and he said with a smile, "Man I can't wait to meet some [BLEEP], I haven't had sex in a while."

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: What's up guys? How are you?

  • >> BOUNCER: Hey, woah, woah, woah. What's up man?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Bro, what the [BLEEP]?

  • >> NARRATOR: The bouncer stopped for a moment and saw the color of his skin and said, "Sorry my brother, but I can't let you in."

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Why the hell not?

  • >> BOUNCER: Look at the sign.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Are you serious?

  • >> BOUNCER: No green people bro.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Really? I saw Kermit the frog in here last week.

  • >> BOUNCER: Yeah, but he's light green.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: What about Shrek? Shrek's in here all the [BLEEP] time.

  • >> BOUNCER: Bro, that's Shrek. Shrek's popping man, he's got like 4 movies and [BLEEP].

  • >> BOUNCER 2: I love Shrek.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: I'm going in. [BLEEP] this [BLEEP].

  • >> BOUNCER: Yo, yo, yo, you know what, get this avocado face out of here man.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: What the [BLEEP] did you call me bro?

  • >> BOUNCER: Hop away you little [BLEEP] frog.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: You guys are racist!

  • >> NARRATOR: So he sat there and planned a wicked scheme out of spite and said, "I'm sick of this [BLEEP], I'm stealing Christmas tonight."

  • So he dressed up as Santa without help from an elf, but before he stole Christmas, he met the old man himself.

  • >> SANTA: What's up [BLEEP]?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Are you Santa Claus?

  • >> SANTA: What the [BLEEP] it look like?

  • Huh?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Oh [BLEEP], hi.

  • >> SANTA: So what the [BLEEP] you doing?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: To be honest, I'm trying to look like you.

  • >> SANTA: You trying to look like me?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: I mean...I-I-I...

  • >> SANTA: Do you know how hard it is to be me?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: I bet it is.

  • >> SANTA: Giving presents to 8 billion people. Oh, you think that [BLEEP] easy, huh? You think I give a [BLEEP] about...

  • You think I give a [BLEEP] about Timmy?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Um... >> SANTA: [BLEEP] Timmy.

  • >> SANTA: He ain't getting no gifts this year and that [BLEEP] was nice.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: I honestly, I didn't know it was that bad.

  • >> SANTA: I gotta deal with Mrs. Claus, that fat [BLEEP]. I tell her to get on the treadmill, but she doesn't listen.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Jesus Christ. >> SANTA: I gotta deal with Rudolph trying to [BLEEP] Prancer.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: I thought you were like a happy fat guy. I didn't know you were a skinny black guy.

  • >> SANTA: What the [BLEEP] are you doing anyway?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: To be honest bro, I'm doing the opposite of what you're doing. I wanna steal everybody's [BLEEP].

  • >> SANTA: Oh, that's all you baby, go ahead.

  • >> SANTA: You good. >> SEÑOR GRINCH: You're okay with this?

  • >> SANTA: [BLEEP] what the [BLEEP] did I just say? Get the [BLEEP]...let me sit back.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: I'm gonna steal everybody's presents.

  • >> SANTA: Do what you do baby.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, peace.

  • >> SANTA: If you got any green [BLEEP] throw them my way.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: You're a mean one Señor Grinch.

  • You take presents, and cookies, and milk with a little bit of tequila.

  • You vandalize the city. You make everyone feel [BLEEP] Señor Grinch.

  • You make Hitler look like a pretty nice guy.

  • You're a douchebag Señor Grinch. You use plastic and then you don't recycle it.

  • You steal candy, you steal cake, you draw mustaches on Drake Señor Grinch.

  • You make Voldemort, the Joker, Hannibal Lecter, Scar from the Lion King, Pablo Escobar, Darth Vader all look like really nice guys.

  • [BLEEP].

  • Who the hell are you guys?

  • >> TIMMY: I'm Timmy.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: And what's your name?

  • >> CINDY: I'm Cindy and I'm 7...

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, okay. I don't give a [BLEEP]. What the hell are you guys wearing? You look ridiculous.

  • >> TIMMY: Why are you taking our Christmas tree?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: The light is broken, so I need to take it back to the North Pole and I need to, you know, don't [BLEEP] worry about it. Why are you asking me questions? What are you guys? FBI? CIA? [BLEEP] you.

  • >> TIMMY: How about a glass of milk?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Alright. You want a drink? I'll get you a drink.

  • There you go, some fresh tequila...uh, milk.

  • Here. Okay, drink all of that. It's good for you now. It makes you strong.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: It's good stuff. >> CINDY: Timmy?

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Uh, I gotta go. Merry Christmas.

  • >> NARRATOR: Señor Grinch went back home. He pulled out his green chair and he awaited confusion and sadness in the air.

  • He said as he poured some tequila in his cup, "I can not wait for these little douchebags to wake up."

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Oh here they go, here they go.

  • Here we go baby.

  • That's right. That's right.

  • No presents.

  • [EVIL LAUGH]

  • >> NARRATOR: But then something happened, something very strange indeed.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: What the [BLEEP]?

  • >> NARRATOR: The little douchebags were not sad, but rather jumping with glee.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Why aren't they freaking out?

  • >> NARRATOR: At that moment he realized, it's not about presents or Drake. Maybe stealing Christmas was after all a mistake.

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Holy [BLEEP], what the [BLEEP] have I done?

  • I took all of this stuff, now I feel dumb.

  • I thought they would be mad, but instead they're doing the dab. I took their phones and MacBooks Airs, but I guess they just don't care.

  • I have no friends. I have no chick. I have no one to touch my lollipop.

  • So confused down to my core. I guess that Christmas means much more.

  • I'm such a dick.

  • I'm such a dick. I can't believe that I stole these gifts. It makes me feel so sick. From all their pain, I thought I'd really get a kick.

  • It's not my fault that Santa Claus is such a freaking prick. Whatever I want to change my ways because I am such a dick.

  • >> COP: I have a 4-59 in progress. Requesting back-up.

  • >> NARRATOR: At that point, he was [BLEEP] out of luck, there was nothing that he could say other than the word...

  • >> SEÑOR GRINCH: [BLEEP].

>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Freaking christmas, so stupid.

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