China and North Korea are at war!

A war of words…

Hi, welcome to China Uncensored,

I’m your host Chris Chappell.

Chinese leader Mao Zedong once said

China and North Korea were as close as

lips and teeth.

Well, it seems like someone

may have bitten their lip.

China and North Korea appear to be fighting…

via their state-run media.

A commentary from the state-run

Korean Central News Agency, or KCNA,

last week warned China that it should not

“...test the limits of [North Korea’s] patience.”

In fact, China should thank North Korea for

“protecting peace and security of China,

foiling the U.S. scheme for aggression

by waging a hard fight in the front line

of the showdown with the U.S.

for more than seven decades.”

In fact, in fact,

China should really think about how its

“reckless act of chopping down

the pillar of [North Korea]-China relations”

could have "grave consequences."

Boom.

The point is,

North Korean state-run media

has put China in their crosshairs.

Now while that may seem shocking,

keep in mind,

usually when North Korean state-run media

put something in their cross hairs,

they do it literally.

This follows an escalating war of words

between China and North Korea,

proving once again

that the pen is mightier than the sword—

or at least than North Korea's failed missiles.

The Chinese Communist Party, for its part,

has been getting more and more unhappy

with North Korea.

Especially because it’s shown the world

that the superpower wannabe

can’t even rein in its little brother.

In February, the Chinese regime announced

that it would suspend all coal imports

from North Korea for the rest of the year.

State-run North Korean media

responded that China was

“dancing to the tune of the US.”

I mean, they didn't say China.

It just said “a neighboring country.”

It could have been any of the many countries

that neighbor North Korea.

But then my favorite Party mouthpiece, the Global Times,

responded that even harsher sanctions against North Korea

are in order.

Last month, it said

“The North Korea nuclear issue

is like a puzzle filled with bombs.”

In fact I believe we have video of someone

trying to deal with that nuclear issue.

Ok...Ok….Ok….

Nooooooooooo.

Kids these days

don't know what they're missing.

Anyway, the Global Times also said Beijing can

“strike back at any side

that crosses the red line.”

Yeah?

Well North Korean media responded with

“Is it really that great to dance

to another’s tune?”

Is it, unnamed neighboring country?

Is it?

Actually that does look really great.

But moving on,

this month Chinese Communist Party mouthpiece,

the People’s Daily wrote that North Korea

“put itself and the whole region

into dire peril.”

And then North Korea’s state-run KCNA put out the commentary

I mentioned in the beginning of the episode,

only this time, they actually did name names.

Yes, it’s China "dancing to the tune of the US".

Ohhhh.

That was for all of us who were confused

about which of North Korea’s many neighboring countries

has recently changed its stance towards North Korea.

Well, Global Times responded with

a not so subtle threat to end the alliance.

And then North Korea responded with...

wait, what's that, Shelley?

Ok, I'm being told we have video

of the latest exchange.

Let's take a look.

It has come to our attention

that a certain neighboring country

we were total BFFs with

through the shared blood of our martyrs,

has totally stabbed us in the back

by dancing with with an evil imperialist country

when they knew that we liked them first.

And we totally want our friendship bracelet back.

This neighboring country is the WORST.

It has come to our attention

that the so-called DPRK

is being totally selfish with all of their stupid nuclear weapons

because a certain leader is jealous that his dad

got to hang with Bill Clinton

and he had to settle for Dennis Rodman.

Also you can have your stupid friendship bracelet back

if you stop subtweeting us all the time,

that's so basic.

We don't understand what subtweeting or “basic” are,

but we would like to officially say that

we're rubber and you're glue.

And whoever smelt it dealt it.

Whoever denied it supplied it!

That went...in a different direction than I was expecting.

But you know,

it is comforting that in this time of rising tensions,

some forms of communication are universal.

But still, things between North Korea and China remain...

not great.

And since China has recently told its citizens

to get out of Dodge...

...I guess the lips are curling back a

nd baring their teeth.

What do you think of the war of words

between Chinese and North Korean state-run media?

Leave your comments below.

Thanks for watching this episode of China Uncensored.

Once again I’m your host Chris Chappell,

see you next time...

on the dance floor!