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  • (relaxing music playing)

  • Where's the doctor?

  • We're your doctor?

  • No, you're a bunch of congressmen.

  • I recognize you.

  • I just need to get my annual Pap smear.

  • Ew.

  • Do any of you have any medical training?

  • We're the House Committee on Women's Health.

  • So I think we have a better idea

  • than a bunch of science-y nerdles.

  • You mean doctors?

  • Let's begin.

  • When was the date of your last lady curse?

  • Two weeks ago, if you mean my period.

  • Ew.

  • And how many blood diapers did you use?

  • Tampons?

  • A dozen? I don't know.

  • And that is...?

  • Twelve.

  • Now, it says here you are 34.

  • (Amy) Yeah.

  • How many children do you have?

  • None.

  • But it says here you're 34.

  • Correct.

  • Are you sexually active?

  • Yeah.

  • And how many children do you have?!

  • How often do you and your husband, um...?

  • Oh, I'm not married.

  • Oh, so you're a virgin.

  • Well...

  • (laughter)

  • Have a lollipop and run along.

  • No, I'm not a virgin! I'm just not married!

  • I just need my annual Pap smear to make sure I'm healthy.

  • I have a family history of cervical cancer.

  • Ew!

  • How many men have you laid with in the last year?

  • Sex?

  • Three?

  • Mm-mm-mm.

  • Jesus.

  • Do two of you have like secret families with your maids?

  • We're not the ones on trial here!

  • That's right, young lady.

  • Okay, okay.

  • Guess we have to do the vagina-y part.

  • Wha...? What?

  • What are you doing?

  • Remember...

  • even though we're doing this,

  • we are not your boyfriend.

  • What?

  • Scooch down on the table,

  • put your legs in those restraints,

  • and present.

  • What? Wait.

  • I feel a lot more comfortable with a woman in here.

  • Aren't there any women on the Women's Health Committee?

  • That'd be like letting the lions run the zoo.

  • (laughter)

(relaxing music playing)

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