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  • God, I love your lips, Angelina.

  • Hi. James from engVid.

  • I was just thinking to myself, Well, I know it's very difficult to practice English because

  • you don't get a lot of practice with English speakers, but if there were a way I could

  • teach you how to get past "Hello" to make the conversation grow and perhaps have the

  • other person come back and talk to you, that would be a great value.

  • So this lesson is about how to get past "Hello" and make a beautiful conversation flow.

  • All right?

  • I'm going to use Angelina to help me later on when I do an example, but for now I will

  • tell you more.

  • See? He's like, "Tell me more. Hmm. I'm interested."

  • And so am I.

  • All right, so let's go to the board, shall we?

  • I'm going to give you five conversation openers.

  • You've said, "Hello", where do you go?

  • Personally I hate this because I teach and I hear people say,

  • "Hello. My name is James. I am from Japan, Tokyo."

  • The conversation is essentially dead.

  • Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh.

  • Don't know if that's the wedding theme or the theme from Star Wars.

  • Doesn't matter. You understand.

  • It's killed.

  • Nobody cares.

  • You've said everything that they need to know and then they're done.

  • So why don't we do something that actually gets them to open up and want to tell you information?

  • Okay?

  • So the first one we're going to do is this one.

  • I like this one.

  • It's so easy, it's so true.

  • Look for something that someone is wearing or has that you actually like.

  • You're not going to steal it, so don't think about that.

  • But what I mean is you like.

  • You like the t-shirt, you like the jeans, the ear rings or something, you're like, "Cool",

  • because that would be sincere.

  • "Sincere" means that you really mean it and the person can feel that from you, so they'll

  • want to share with you because you're being honest with them.

  • All right?

  • So we look here, number one, walk up and say...

  • So it's like, "Hello. Love your __________ (jacket, t-shirt). That is so cool."

  • Yeah?

  • "Where did you get them?" or "Where did you get it?"

  • Notice I didn't say, "Where did you buy it?" because some of the coolest things someone's

  • going to be wearing won't be from this country.

  • It might be, "Hey, I was in India and I picked up these beads.

  • Yeah, it was really cool.

  • I was outside this ashram and..."

  • And now you've got a conversation you didn't even know.

  • Or it might be, "Oh, I was in the downtown in the hippie section, you know, and it was really cool, there was all this art."

  • You've started a conversation.

  • If you say, "...buy them?"

  • "At the gap."

  • Finished.

  • So, "Hey. Where did you get them?"

  • Let them say "buy". Don't bring that up.

  • Okay?

  • Follow that up with right away...

  • As soon as you say, "Where did you buy them...?"

  • It's true...

  • It might not be true right now, but it could be true, you say,

  • "Because I really have to get a cool present",

  • or, "...an interesting gift for my nephew/my brother/my sister/my friend."

  • Right? Or girlfriend, whatever, or your wife.

  • By saying that you're saying, well, one thing, you have other friends.

  • But number two, you're giving them, "Cool".

  • You're saying whatever they're wearing is interesting, cool, different enough that it

  • stopped you to talk to them.

  • By example or by extension, that means added on you're saying,

  • "You're kind of cool, too, because you're wearing it

  • and I think it's cool, so it's got to be cool and only a cool person would buy it."

  • Right?

  • This is why it works, you've given them two compliments.

  • Who doesn't want to be complimented?

  • First you're saying I'm wearing something cool, then you're saying,

  • "I need to get something cool, and clearly what you have is cool."

  • I'm probably going to talk to you and go, "Well, you know, thanks for saying that.

  • I liked it because..."

  • And conversation started, and now you have an opportunity to maybe later on talk more,

  • and that's how you get your practice.

  • Number two, how about this one?

  • "Wow, you are __________ (tall)"

  • or, "You have __________ (really bright eyes)",

  • or something that has to do with the physical body.

  • The first one was about things. Physical.

  • Now we want to talk about physical.

  • And you followed that up with, "What do you do?"

  • Huh?

  • Example, you see someone, you go,

  • "Wow, you have amazing skin. What do you do to make it so clear?"

  • Okay?

  • Hmm.

  • Or, "Wow, you're tall. What do you do?

  • Do you play sports or anything like that?"

  • Okay?

  • You follow it up.

  • This is the follow up, as I said, "What do you do?"

  • But why does this work?

  • Now, notice this is green and I have green up here.

  • You probably noticed it but didn't understand why I skipped it.

  • I live in North America and basically I could say this is true for a lot of Western society.

  • We prefer you give compliments on positive things.

  • Being tall is a positive thing in our society.

  • Alex, if you've ever seen him, he's a giant, but I wouldn't call him a giant because that's

  • not necessarily positive.

  • But saying he's very tall, he'll be,

  • "Yes, I am. I'm very tall."

  • Saying, like, "You're this big huge thing", not good.

  • So don't talk about things that might be negative.

  • If someone is very big in weight, but not muscle, fat, you can't say that.

  • They won't like it.

  • Even if you think it's delicious, they won't like it.

  • If you think they're too short, like, "Wow, are you ever small.

  • you are so small I could..."

  • Not a compliment.

  • Okay? So tall is good, bright eyes, good skin, lovely teeth, great hair.

  • You know? All these things.

  • Now, this is physical.

  • Because this is a compliment about someone's style, number one; number two is a compliment

  • about them personally.

  • Now, the reason we don't say negative is you can't do things...

  • If you've got a negative feature in your life, like you're not tall or you're fat, you maybe

  • can't do anything about it, so that's not nice to talk about.

  • But positive stuff-I know, your parents make you tall, but people don't think of that-it's

  • always good.

  • Or good skin, right?

  • Or nice hair style.

  • Okay?

  • Why it works, because you've complimented the person, which is good.

  • You've said, "Look, physically, there's something beautiful about you."

  • But you've also, by saying, "What do you do?" if you talk about their skin, you're saying,

  • "You have a talent" or, "You have a skill".

  • Or if they're tall, you say, "You've got to be playing sports or something."

  • So you're actually saying, "You have actually worked on something."

  • So you're not just saying, "You're beautiful", you're saying,

  • "You're beautiful and you've worked on something."

  • That is good.

  • Okay?

  • So let's go over here, number three.

  • So we got the compliment, we got, you know...

  • We're suggesting you got a talent or a skill.

  • Number three, "I'm loving the cold/the rain/the sun."

  • Duh, James that's the weather, everybody does that.

  • You're right.

  • Everybody talks about the weather.

  • I'm asking you to say something different, especially if you're waiting for a bus or

  • in an elevator.

  • When you say the opposite...

  • Huh? The opposite of what you would think.

  • It's a bright, sunny summer-okay?-but the last two days, three days it's been raining.

  • Nobody wants rain in the summer, but you say, "How you loving the rain? I'm loving it."

  • They're going to go, "Ugh, I wish it was sunny."

  • You go, "Not me.

  • I'm a gardener.

  • I have a garden, and I need the rain.

  • My garden is beautiful."

  • They're like, "Gardener?"

  • You're like, "Yeah, I've got roses..."

  • Conversation started.

  • You've brought in the unexpected.

  • In the winter, people don't like the cold.

  • Right?

  • But you go, "Oh, I can't wait, so much snow."

  • They go, "Snow, it's so bad to work in."

  • You go, "I ski, man, I love to ski and I love going downhill.

  • It's amazing for me. I love skiing."

  • So by suggesting the opposite about the weather, how good bad weather is.

  • Huh?

  • How good bad weather can be, you will find that it makes people go, "What?"

  • They're curious, and then you get to tell them.

  • Now, why it works here is you're sharing something.

  • When we share with each other, we open up to each other.

  • You're telling me something about yourself that isn't:

  • "Hi. My name's James. I'm from Japan."

  • It's like: "Hi.

  • I ski."

  • Woo, that's cool.

  • But if you just said to me: "Hi. I ski."

  • I'd go: "Get away from me, weirdo.

  • Don't talk to me."

  • But by saying something about the weird, I'm like...

  • The weather, which is just weird, I'm like: -"Why would you say this is good weather?"

  • -"Well, I'm a skier."

  • -"Oh, you ski."

  • -"Yeah, I love to ski and this is the perfect weather."

  • Now I've told you I've got a good personality, I'm positive, and I do things.

  • I've shared information and I can ask you to do the same.

  • Cool?

  • Well, if that's all you think...

  • If you're like impressed by this, we've got two more.

  • Are you ready?

  • [Snaps]

  • Well, so we were at three.

  • Let's do four and five.

  • Are you ready?

  • Oh, but before I do I just want to add a little aside.

  • An aside is a comment that's not directly related to the topic, but in this case it

  • has something to do with it.

  • There are two parts of conversation, speaking and listening.

  • I was giving you...

  • Or I am giving you some hints or tips on how to be better at conversation.

  • But if you're really good at the talking and not the listening, it will die quickly.

  • So what we really want to do is emphasize: You're learning English, so you want to learn

  • how to listen.

  • And here's a couple reasons why.

  • You start the conversation, but you should listen more to get a better understanding of English.

  • Because we may not...

  • Well, we don't.

  • We don't speak like the grammar or the vocabulary books that are out there.

  • So for you to listen to English speakers, you start getting on how we're thinking and

  • how you should present the information to people.

  • Okay?

  • So you'll get a better understanding of English.

  • So when it's coming in because you're hearing, you go: "Oh, they don't say that.

  • They say other things, like: 'Whatda ya'", and there's a video I got on that

  • so check that out.

  • "Whatda ya mean? Whatda ya say?" Okay?

  • The other thing is to catch the other person's interest and

  • have the other person be able to have another conversation.

  • If you do all the talking, I'm going to think I've heard all I need to hear and I don't

  • need to talk to you anymore.

  • You told me everything.

  • But if you're actively listening to me and asking questions because you're listening

  • that have to do with the information I'm giving you, I'll probably say:

  • "Hey. This was really cool.

  • Let's have coffee later or let's meet up another time."

  • Right?

  • And that's what we want to do.

  • So we're here: Have...

  • Okay, have another conversation, ask questions, listen more than you speak.

  • Listening more than you speak is a skill most of us don't have.

  • I'm guilty of it.

  • But if you actually get this skill you can become actually a better conversationalist

  • and learn a lot more.

  • Right?

  • Cool, so I've just given my little speech for listening.

  • Now let's go back to what you really came here for, conversation.

  • Right?

  • Number four, you can walk up and say:

  • "Hmm. Hi.

  • Tell me: How would you finish this phrase? I want to be the very best..."

  • Now, a friend of mine said: "Okay, dude, that's really, really corny." "Corny" means not cool.

  • "Nobody's going to do that."

  • I went: "Ah-ha, but the surprise..."

  • See? Surprise.

  • No one does it, so when you do it, you can say anything after that, like:

  • "Oh, I've got to do an interview for work", or what have you.

  • You can follow up with that, but the whole thing is somebody asking you that question

  • is like: "I want your opinion."

  • I didn't write it here...

  • Oh, I did. Good. Surprise, but I didn't write the second part.

  • By saying: "I want your opinion", I'm saying you are valuable and I think you would be

  • a person who would give me good information.

  • So that's going to make you go: "Well, I want to be the very best at...

  • Yes, let me think about..."

  • Ah, think.

  • If you make a person think, they think you're intelligent.

  • It's just how it goes.

  • Because if I have the answer and it's obvious, it was a dumb question.

  • When I don't have it, I have to think, I'm like:

  • "Oo, that was cool, I'll remember that for the future myself."

  • Okay?

  • So the element of surprise is why it works.

  • Nobody would ask it, so when you do you're the first person and you're original.

  • Surprise.

  • Okay.

  • Now, number five, this is my favourite.

  • "Hey. Did you hear about the goat and the chicken that went on the airplane?"

  • What?

  • Think about it.

  • That's just weird for somebody to walk up and tell you some weird thing from nowhere.

  • After they say: "Hi. Hey. Hi." Whatever, ho.

  • But it works, because, and this is why I write it here, it causes arousal.

  • Arousal is when you want to get up and move your body, you want to do something, you're aroused.

  • It means you're interested, you feel alive, curious.

  • And this kind of a thing, that's what it does.

  • Because something's weird, you're like: "Huh?

  • What?"

  • You might even ask a question...

  • They. Sorry, they may ask you a question right away.

  • "Chicken and a goat on a plane flying to Texas?

  • What?

  • What are you talking...?" All of a sudden they're actually asking:

  • "You talk to me. You tell me."

  • You're like: "Okay, you asked for it.

  • I'll give you the information."

  • Okay?

  • You know?

  • So, why does it work? Arousal.

  • "Aroused" means you wake up and you're like: "Hmm.

  • What's going on?"

  • And it keep...

  • Gets the emotion of cur-...

  • It gets emotion and curiosity.

  • Emotion...

  • And I should explain that one, is this: Emotion...

  • The kinds of emotion you want are things that help people, get people angry, or excited.

  • Not sad things.

  • Sad things make people kind of feel:

  • "Ohh", they don't want to do anything and they don't want to talk to you.

  • Or content, content is something that just makes you feel okay.

  • Like: "Let's have a beer and relax", and that's what you do, you relax, you're not excited.

  • But things that get you angry, like: "Did you hear about the new tax?"

  • -"Taxes? I hate tax!"

  • Now they want to talk to you about all the taxes in the world, or that chicken and goat.

  • They're really into that story. Okay?

  • Now, I've given you five conversation kind of openers, and it's not just...

  • You know, it's the: "Hello" thing, but it's to open it up to have a bigger conversation

  • and a longer one.

  • So let's have an example conversation where we could take one of these things and just

  • utilize it or use it. Okay?

  • How about the one we talked about, personal...?

  • A personal appearance?

  • Something on their body or something about them.

  • So we'll start off with: "Wow, you have great *hair*!"

  • You noticed the little stars.

  • Men, this is for you.

  • Okay.

  • Women don't do this, but I'm looking at you because I know you're going to, and I'm telling you right now:

  • "Stop. In the name of love, don't do it."

  • Gentlemen, do not talk about this area on the woman, the bum-bum area on the woman.

  • Sexual things, no.

  • They don't like it.

  • Okay?

  • In case you're like: "Yeah!" Yes.

  • Do you remember that lady you said it to?

  • Do you remember how she smiled and walked away?

  • That's why we don't do it.

  • Hair is because she's taken time to fix it, she's put effort in it.

  • Remember I talked about skill?

  • Skin because she takes care of her skin.

  • Once again, skill and talent.

  • Boom-boom, boom-boom, she was given those.

  • She will just go:

  • "You're another man who's just a rude person", so don't go there.

  • But you can talk about skin, you can talk about hair, you got the drift.

  • Right? If she has nice legs because it's muscular because she works out, yes.

  • If she has nice arms, you go: "Look at your arms, they're strong."

  • She says: "Yes, I'm a rower."

  • Right? Or: "I lift weights."

  • You go: "Oh, that's good."

  • But: "Oo, baby, mm", no.

  • Mm-mm.

  • If you don't do it to your mother or your sister, don't do it to another woman.

  • Okay.

  • Conversation done.

  • Let's go back.

  • Okay, so then you...

  • So we started off.

  • Right? You're like: "Wow, you have great hair!"

  • Then you talk to the other person...

  • Oh, sorry.

  • That's you again here.

  • "How do you get it so shiny?"

  • This is the skill part.

  • This is like: "Clearly you do something with your hair other people don't."

  • It's: "Yes, you have something naturally beautiful, but also you take care of yourself."

  • And they're like: "Oh, wow, thank you.

  • I shampoo it, and then I put some duck grease in my hair."

  • Whatever. Okay?

  • This is the: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah", they're going to start talking.

  • Please don't fall asleep.

  • You still have to listen, like: "Yeah, cool. Really cool."

  • And then you do this, this crazy thing:

  • -"Hi. My name is James. I'm from Japan."

  • -"James, you told me don't do this about 10 minutes..."

  • Yeah. But listen: First we had this conversation, then I said: "I'm James from Japan."

  • Now they're like: "Cool, you're interesting."

  • And then you go back to:

  • "Hey, so tell me more about this duck grease thing.

  • Where do you get it?"

  • Or: "Hey, what are your top three things to do with your hair once you do this?

  • Blah, blah, blah, blah."

  • And then you'll get back to the: "Blah, blah, blah."

  • And here's a small hint, I say keep the first conversation short, because then you're still

  • interesting and they have more to tell you so you'll have a reason to go:

  • "That's so cool. Look, I got to go, take my bus, go on the elevator, my friend's coming, but I'd love

  • to have another coffee because I've got to practice my English and it would be great if you could practice with me."

  • And they'll probably say yes because you took the time from all these things.

  • You don't...

  • And please don't use all five at the same time.

  • "Oh, you're tall.

  • Look at this jacket, it's really cool.

  • Oh, do you want to hear about the duck and the...?"

  • Don't. One at a time, just one per person.

  • Okay?

  • But because you started off in an interesting way that was different, they're more likely

  • to say: "Sure.

  • That sounds good.

  • I come here regularly" or: "You can meet me here", or: "I'm doing this".

  • Trust me, it'll work.

  • Be yourself, tell them you're practicing English, be interesting.

  • I can almost guarantee you they'll say: "I would love to chat with you again."

  • And don't forget what I said here about listening is important as the speaking part.

  • Anyway, that's the lesson.

  • You've got five. I gave you five hints. Right?

  • Or five clues.

  • I know they'll work for you.

  • And I want you to subscribe.

  • Somewhere around here is the "Subscribe" button, I don't know, but find it and please subscribe.

  • Thank you from E and myself, of course, we love when you come and click on the channel.

  • And if this lesson has been valuable to you, share it.

  • We do this for you, and if you have a friend or someone who's also learning English, share

  • it with them as well so they can get the same joy that you get.

  • All right?

  • Anyway, have a great day and we'll see you soon.

  • Thanks.

God, I love your lips, Angelina.

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