Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles Crikey, what a beautiful snake! Gotcha! Crocodile Hunter! Oh man. This snake is really dangerous. You better don't touch it like this, or it'll get really angry. Hello! [Harry Potter and the Cup of Plastic] Bernhard! - Yo, yo, yo I'm baking a cup of cocoa ... - Bernhard! Where's my cocoa? I'm thirsty, Bernhard! Rock 'n roll music? Bernhard, you said you'd care for me, even if I weigh 200 kilograms. Those damn kids with their rock music and Pacman video games! I don't care if my house burns down in the background, because I threw the potholder right into the flame. Yeah, I'll be right there, I'll fuck you up! Just watch out, Grandpa's coming! Man, it's really dusty in here and full of cobwebs. Yeah yeah, you can see that this is where the rockers live. Are you tired of taking care of me, Wormtail? Oh no. No, my Lord, it ... it does not bother me at all. I ... I really love feeding you with baby food and changing your diapers. I ... I think I've developed maternal feelings. I'd love to breastfeed you. - Oh wait, I'm fat, I have breasts! - No! Hello master, here's the pacifier that you wanted. Thank you very much. Can you read me a bedtime story? Yes ... Yes, okay. Okay, listen: Once upon a time, there was a very tiny cute dog and it was walking through a forest, and everything was beautiful and there were flowers everywhere and then a witch appeared and totally ran it over with a car. Holy shit, a snake! That's just Nagini, for fuck's sake. So, Nagini is either saying there is a man eavesdropping on us at the door, or she's being chased by a strange Australian - called Steve Erwin. - Isn't he dead? I can't really classify her dialect. What now, Master? - Finish the intruder, Wormtail. - Yes, Master. I... I ... I was ... I did not ... well ... Well, I wanted ... Bernhard? Where are you? Harry Potter and the Cup of Plastic! Whenever I watch it, I don't give a fuck about anything! Badly copied, bad quality, badly produced, bad story. Bad beats and bad jokes, I stink when I sweat. Oh yeah ... Pamela Anderson ... Gina Wild ... Heidi Klum ... - Hugh Jackman ... - Harry. What ... why ... why ...? What are you doing here? Ever heard of privacy, or knocking, huh? What do you want? The door was open. Besides, everyone could hear you downstairs in the kitchen. Wake up, Ron! Wake up! What ... what are you doing here? I thought I'd just come here for no reason at three o'clock in the morning to wake you up. We are going on the trip today, you fuckers! Man, I had such a nice dream about meatballs. - Come on, kids! The trip is starting! - Yay! Come on, let's sing our travelling song. ♫ I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, ♫ ♫ everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves ♫ ♫ I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves... ♫ A few hours later and 300 kilometers farther - ♫ I know a song that goes ... ♫ - Mornin'! - ♫ on everybody's nerves ... ♫ - Mornin' Arthur, "how are you"? Yo, I'm quite good, but the kids ran out of steam after 200 kilometers. And "how are you"? Where's your son, anyway? Didn't he want to come with you? - No harm done. - G'day, you're the boy who dies at the end right? - Uh-huh. So stupid, ugh. *Lesbian - Cam* Oh my God. You're Harry Potter, right? - Yes. - Hey, don't become too close friends with my son, 'cause he dies at the end of the movie. Okay, thanks. Dad, how long do we still have to go? - Where are we even going for the trip? - I'll only say this: Disneyland... - ...is it not. - Oh my God, no! That cannot be true, - that's even better than Disneyland! A trip to a... - Oh God, no! ♫ Shoe! ♫ Dad, that must have been insanely expensive. Hey, that whole trip just for an old scruffy shoe?! You're kidding me! Shut up, our family can't afford more, you fucker! - Okay ... - Guys touch the shoe! - Oh yeah! - I want to touch the shoe, too! - Oh, I want to touch the shoe. - Ew, I touched shit! - Oh, that brings good luck. - Harry, do you want to touch shit, too? - Uhh no... - No, no... - And now the fun begins! How the hell are you doing that? Lol! We let it fly! What ... what was in that shoe? On what sort of trip am I? - God! - And we can fly. What the hell is going on here? - Where ... what is ...? - Hi, I wiped my nose, - do you want to be friends? - Okay. Alright, let's go on. Hey. Hey, what was that right now? Hey! Didn't you think that was abnormal? Hello! Hey, wait for me! Hey, stop ignoring me. - Hey ... - Alright guys! What's going on here? - Buy my fuzzy balls! - Ice cream! - Nut Tarts! - Buy them! - They can fly, they're great! - Candy! Stolen car radios! Who would like to buy a stolen car radio? Dude, it's awesome here! Alright, here we are. This is our tent. Come in, so you can look out. Okay, huii! Huii! Huii! Huii. Huii! - Alright, and now me... - But if the whole family was at home, who arranged the tent? - I want to sit at the table. - Weeweeweewee! - I'll sit too. - Stupid backpack, you. - What did the kids pack in there again?! - My "Mettman" action figure. - Wow. - And stone sandwiches. Oh, that's obviously my favorite dish. - Uhm I'll go to the bedroom. - Me too! And, Harry, what do you think of the place? "Awesomatico". Only the SVW, only the SVW, only the SVW ... Only the SVW, - Only the SVW, the SVW only ... - Wow, I can see our house from here. Well, look at that. The lower class is one level higher than me. That's so funny, Dad! Oh man, you crack the best jokes, I mean, it's so funny when you think about it! Shut up, it's not even funny. Oh, come on, let's get out of here, ugh. - Argh, my favorite finger! - Oh, there was a fly. I just wanted to scare it away. Thank you... Hey! Only the SVW will be the Quidditch Champion! Werder Bremen! Hey, here they come! Help! Oh, apparently no one has told SV Werder Bremen, that this is about Quidditch and not about soccer. Well, and since they couldn't fly, they all had to die. - Werder Bremen! - What the hell, guys! They crashed down! - No, they were flying; they could fly. - They were flying, they flew so high. - Let me... You're absolutely crazy! - You live in a fantasy world! - Haha, Ron is living in the reality. Haha, real life fag! - Lol! Lol! - Rofl, Rofl! Rofl, rofl! - Lol, Lol! Lmao! Rofl! - Lol! Lol! What's going on here, hey? Hey boys! Hey, shut it! Don't you hear that? I think there's a war going on outside! Quick, everybody get out! - Come on, hurry! Oh God, how awful! Hurry up! - Oh God! Oh God, war! Who's even attacking? I'll only say this: The Russians are here. Attention, attention, Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a war going on. - Please run around in circles screaming, thank you. - Oh, alright. - Quick, come here, Harry! - Yeah. - ♫ I walk with my lantern, and my lantern with me, ♫ - Oh shit, a lantern walk! ♫ The stars are shining above, and we're shining down here ... ♫ - Harry! Harry! - Harry, come here, hurry, come on! Yeah, just one moment, I'll be right there! - One moment... - Harry! Yeah, just a second, I'll come! - Come quickly! - Harry! - Hi! Yeah, I wanted to buy a car radio, just one moment! Now, where was the booth again? ♫ My light is out, we're going home, Rabimmel, rabammel, rabum! ♫ I love this song! Where should I go? Where do I have to go? I fell, I can't stand up on my own! Help... Help! Help! Oh, I hope we can stop running soon. Help! Yeah, I think that'll be enough. Helga! Helga! No, no, wait, I'm really looking for my girlfriend Helga. - Helga! - Oh man, ugh, you don't get it! - Helga ... - Hey, where are you, you stupid jerk? Ugh, this is what happens when I leave her alone just once. I'll make our secret sign. Ravioli! Well, could that, with a lot of imagination, look like ravioli? Yes! No, Snape ... Stop petting with Dumbledore! - Helga! - Helga! Who's screaming? - Helga! - Helga! - Who is this? - Helga! - Helga! - Where are you? Better get out of here. What's going on, why is everything burned? Did I miss something? Helga! - Who the hell is Helga? - Harry! - Oh God, we have been looking for you for ages! - Yes, for like two minutes, ey. Hey look at the sky, don't you think that looks like ravioli? - Nah. - Use your imagination. Imagination! Hey, relax! Stop this, you are crazy, with your bad sound effects! - Kids, are you allright? - Yes. Hey, it's me, the candy man. - Who wants a lollipop rod? - Shut your trap already! Lollipop rod? - Lollipop rod! Who wants to suck it, huh? Huh? Huh? - Is that licorice? Don't let yourself get involved with that, Harry! - But I like licorice! - That jerk just wants to feel us up, so you better distract him! - Ohh, Superman's flying over there! - Where? That was a good distraction, wasn't it? Because ... because Superman - is a fictional character, and they don't exist at all. - Yo, I got that. You didn't, huh? - Well, I got it! - So nobody wants to suck, huh? Stop! Stop, wait! Just one moment! There's a three-headed monkey standing behind you! Where? Argh, I fell for it again! Argh, no one wants to suck on my lollipop rod! Where else could I go?! I could go to Hogwarts... - Goodbye! - Guys, I have a feeling that this school year is going to be exactly like the last one: People try to rape me, and we fuck people over. But this ravioli sign, it's got some kind of higher meaning. Now it looks like a pretzel. Oh my God, I can't believe it: Smoked turkey bacon is 30% off at Lidl. What a steal! ... something to nosh on? - Do you want something to nosh on? - I do! - Do you want something to nosh on? - Me too! - I do! - Me too, me too! - Well, children? Do you want something to noash on? Yes, me, right here. I'll have large french fries. Here you go, that's one Euro. - But that's not large! - One fry, one Euro! - A Euro, give me one euro! - Okay well, here. - Didn't even get mayo ... - I want, I want... - What ... What do I want to take? - Aloha!