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  • Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

  • I don't have a t-shirt underneath this sweatshirt

  • I'm also not wearing any pants

  • I'm not. I'm actually not

  • Ok, hi guys! My name's Shannon and...this!

  • is my updated coming out story

  • Ok, so basically I made a coming out video like...

  • coming out story video like 2 years ago

  • and it's pretty horrible

  • I did it on a Macbook, I cut the top of my head out of the whole video for some...

  • weird reason, like I knew that I had done it

  • so why did I do that?

  • Anyway

  • I recommend that you watch it, even though is super long and it's a little painfully boring

  • but I think it's cool to see that version of me versus this version of me

  • and I think it's gonna be interesting to hear how different this might sound now 2 years later

  • Because that little Shannon was still fully not comfortable with herself at all

  • I mean, this Shannon is still working on it all the time

  • So let's start, okay

  • Basically, I started to realize that I was not straight

  • when I was like coming from middle school going into highschool

  • That inkling started coming into my mind

  • There was this show on The N called "South of Nowhere" and I was way too into it

  • It had like two girl characters who were liking each other and I loved it

  • And that was kind of like a "woah, you might not be straight" moment in my life

  • And then by the time I was 16 I was pretty confident that I was gay

  • Althought I did not want to be, so I...

  • tried everything in my power not to be

  • I went to a conservative school in Oklahoma, University of Oklahoma

  • and I joined a sorority and I was like

  • "I'm gonna pray the gay away"

  • and I really tried to do that, genuinely

  • like it's a joke, but it's not, 'cause I did try that and...

  • That did not work.That did not work

  • That does not work, turns out

  • Anyway

  • so the hardest person for me to come out to was myself

  • and that took me 4 years on itself just to tell myself that

  • and be like "yep, yep, it's a 100%, it's not changing"

  • I remember clearly I had this day that I looked myself in the mirror and I was like crying and I was like...

  • "I'm gay"

  • And then honestly, from that point forward, things changed a lot

  • they got better...I mean, they got harder because then

  • I had to deal with the reality that I was gonna have to tell people

  • other than myself, wich telling myself was hard enough, so...

  • that was like a life changing moment for me

  • and if you guys haven't done that and you maybe wanna do that

  • I recommend it

  • It's like a very weird thing to do but

  • you should do it, if you have not done it and you wanna do it

  • I don't know

  • So I went to my freshman year of college

  • I dated a guy for like the first semester of college, kind of

  • and then I went home for winter break and it was like...

  • it all just came crushing back

  • and I was like "oh, my god, this isn't right. I can't do this"

  • so then I built up confidence, the whole second semester of my freshman year, to tell my family

  • and that's what I did

  • That summer I came out to my sister first

  • She was really great about it; and then I came out to my mom

  • and she was also really great about it

  • and then I wrote a letter to my dad, and he was also really great about it

  • I think they all...specially my mom and dad

  • it's not like it was an overnight like "this is amazing, I'm so excited that you're gay"

  • it was like a "we love you no matter what and we're gonna like..."

  • "...you know, wrap our heads around it" sort of thing

  • But I think both of them were just worried about me and my quality of life

  • Obviously, you don't want your kids to have to deal with anything on top of just being a kid, which is hard enough

  • so I think that was a big concern for them, just me dealing with more than just the plain and simple

  • After I came out to my family I went back to college, back to OU

  • and this is when I started a very very slow, painful coming out process

  • If I had to compare it to anything it'd be like

  • when you rip a band aid off

  • I pulled and felt each and every hair

  • I think with coming out for everyone it's gotta be your own journey, your own story

  • what makes you feel most comfortable and confident

  • and mine just happened to be very slow

  • I came out to like 3 friends in my sophomore year

  • at my junior year I came out to like 4 more people

  • and then my senior year is when I really started to tell people with more...

  • like quicker

  • like more quicker

  • All of this isn't really that interesting

  • what is interesting is... the people who I told were so supportive

  • and I was so nervous to tell so many of them because...

  • so many of my friends were very religious

  • I'm not talking like "they go to church sometimes", no, I mean they went to church every Sunday

  • they also opted out of spring break before so they could go on a mission trip, like...

  • Very religious friends

  • And that can be very scary to tell people like that

  • Also, a lot of them I had heard say homophobic things before

  • to me, like not just sometimes, like I mean I was hearing stuff like that often

  • Sometimes people just don't understand, and they are ignorant to it

  • It takes knowing someone...knowing someone like me, or knowing someone like yourself

  • to show them that "look, this is normal, this isn't weird. I just happen to like the same sex and I have no control over it"

  • And...yeah, people will surprise you

  • which you guys know I've said many, many times

  • So up until my senior year I was sitting people down, having very emotional conversations with them

  • and that is just really draining

  • and not every single person in your life...not every friend is the type of friend that you'd sit down and cry to

  • which is fine

  • But it was hard for me to find that balance and make that switch over it

  • into coming out to people just casually or letting it just come out

  • That was very difficult for me

  • That was a hard part in my coming out process

  • But I figured it out and it started to happen and then people started to talk about me and...telling people and...

  • It was so terrifying and I hated it. I hate people talking about me

  • I hate knowing people are talking about me

  • I had a couple of instances where I knew people were talking about me in group texts and I would see it

  • and some stuff was not always that positive or nice and that was hard

  • But by the time that that started happening and my name started to circulate

  • I already had such a good core of people who

  • I felt comfortable with and I knew loved me no matter what

  • and that that wasn't chaning our friendship

  • Those other people...they started to matter not that much

  • it still sucks, no one seems to talk about, but when you have those people, those core people

  • it makes those other people much more irrelevant

  • Now, something you couldn't possibly know from that video that I posted is

  • that video is actually how I came out to the rest of my university and the rest of like everyone

  • When I recorded the video it was purely gonna go on my Tumblr

  • and my Youtube, and share it with my social media following

  • none of my friends knew I even had

  • What I ended up doing is I finished editing that video and I was like

  • "You know what? I'm just gonna post this also to my social circles social media"

  • I basically had 2 instagrams, 2 twitters...

  • I was...the lesbian Hannah Montana

  • I thought that I was confident then

  • a part of me thought like "oh, yeah, I've got it now"

  • "now I'm comfortable, now I'm confident in my skin and I'm like happy, and I'm out and blahblahblah"

  • I was not. At all.

  • I was still very much so struggling with that

  • I just think that is an important thing to tell you guys because

  • you can see the difference, you can see how much has changed in 2 years

  • And I know so many of you also are feeling the same way and...

  • are struggling with coming out, and are coming out

  • and you might be thinking "oh my gosh", like

  • "this is as comfortable as I'm ever gonna get"

  • You're gonna blow your own mind

  • I always say people will surprise you, but you're gonna surprise yourself

  • I am constantly surprising myself

  • I genuinely can't believe that me in this video today is the same person as me in that video 2 years ago

  • That blows my mind

  • Things just keep getting better

  • I know that's such a cheesy...it's such a thing "it gets better"

  • but it's so crazy how true it is, like

  • Everyday I feel more comfortable, every single day

  • It's crazy

  • It's crazy, and that's gonna happen for you guys

  • and that's so exciting for me and I'm so happy!

  • for you guys and I hope that

  • I hope this video inspires someone to...

  • I don't know, start making steps forward into coming out

  • even if you're like me and it takes you...

  • Like 6 years fully to accept and come out

  • and there's nothing wrong with that!

  • Your coming out journey is your journey, there's no wrong way to do it

  • You can do whatever you want

  • You can do it however you want

  • Don't let anyone tell you you're not coming out fast enough, don't let anyone tell you not to come out

  • You need to do what is right for you

  • At the end of the day, even if you think maybe you don't know what that is

  • let's be honest, you do

  • I mean, you look into yourself and you know what you want

  • Even when I was telling myself I would never come out I knew deep down that was not true and not possible

  • and that was not a reality or a life that I ever could possibly live

  • And it just took me the time to accept that and realize that...that was okay

  • Yeah

  • That's me, I'm out

  • Coming out

  • I'm...coming...out

  • If coming out is something that you're struggling with

  • I'm thinking about you, and I love you

  • And...

  • you have a whole community of people who are waiting for you

  • with open arms and we love you

  • I love you

  • I love you

  • Okay, my ass is really sweaty. I'm leaving

  • Love you!

  • I love you

  • Stay strong, I'm thinking about you, bud

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

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